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Original poster

Never been this upset before

79 replies

heislost · 11/04/2019 12:31

I left my ex recently. He was abusive emotionally and financially. I'm working with women's aid. I was heard at MARAC this week and general advice is to not have any contact with him.

Long story short. We have a small baby. He was taken to hospital via ambulance a month or so ago. He had a follow up heart scan recently and the appointment to discuss the results was meant to be today.

Ex has called and cancelled it. He's lied and told them a family member has been rushed to hospital. I've had confirmation from a close family member that this is a lie. He rebooked the appointment for 3 months time, and didn't tell me. Then there's me, stood there like a lemon because the appointment has been cancelled and he hasn't told me. He's playing games but the fact that he had cancelled his son's cardiac appointment to get at me is beyond madness. I am so upset.

How do I report this? And who to? Women's Aid?

I'm so, so angry. I have never done anything bad to him. All I did was leave and he hates it. He claims he had our son's best interests at heart... I'm sure if there was something serious wrong they would have got me in sooner but still, it's so important he's seen as soon as possible.

He rebooked the appointment for 3 months time because that's when he's on leave! He wasn't even meant to be at the appointment today.

Sorry. This is all jumbled but I'm shaking with anger.

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 11/04/2019 13:46

Does he have contact with the baby? If so I would stop contact, if he can do something like this then he is not responsible enough to be a father. I’m not sure if he has broken any laws but I would suggest getting leagal advice to see if he has. He did it because he wanted a response from you, that’s how people like him work, my ex would have done anything to get a response from me, eventually I had him arrested and charged for harassment.

flirtygirl · 11/04/2019 13:46

I'm surprised you told him in the first place. No offence as been in this situation but toughen up. He is not on your side and will never be on your side.

He does not think in the same way as you do. He is not and will not be reasonable.

Keep everything to yourself. Give him no information at all.

If he takes you to court then so be it but you are primary care giver and you have the sole say so right now. Keep the police, ss and woman's aid involved so you have a paper trail. Keep your own records of things he has said and done.

If you do need to contact him about anything do so by email so you have a record.

Hope things go okay op.

LazyLizzy · 11/04/2019 13:47

Your Ex does not love his child.

You need to report this to your solicitor. He is a danger to your child's health.

Christ, I've never heard anything like it. I'd move away and change my bloody identity before he'd get his hands on my child.

Original poster
heislost · 11/04/2019 13:51

I never told him about the appointment. I have no idea how he found out about it as the hospital were meant to put a block on the records so he had no access.

OP posts:
CaMePlaitPas · 11/04/2019 13:56

Yuck - what a horrible man. I'm so sorry he has done this to your son, what an evil controlling bastard.

LazyLizzy · 11/04/2019 13:57

the hospital were meant to put a block on the records so he had no access.

If that was the case, how in hell did they go ahead and cancel on his instruction?

You need to kick off blue murder.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 11/04/2019 13:57

I'd ask for help at the hospital, too, re safeguarding and asking them to report him to social services for what he's done. He is actively jeopardizing your child's health because he can. Foul.

Meandwinealone · 11/04/2019 14:00

Sounds like someone from the hospital has told him. Unless it’s another family member. If they have then you need to raise this with them and explain how dangerous it is for you and your baby.

I know your son will have him as his father for life. But he’s also got you. And you’re doing brilliantly.

3luckystars · 11/04/2019 14:05

That is really awful. Maybe the letter got sent to your previous address and that's where he got the information.
I would be so upset too, what an awful father he is.

I hope you and your son are ok.

PlatypusPie · 11/04/2019 14:10

I think this is one of the most shocking things I have ever read on here - interfering with a baby’s cardiac appointment ?? There can be nothing that could justify that, ever

BloodsportForAll · 11/04/2019 14:14

I'm also shocked to hear what he's done. You don't mess with cardiology stuff.

Every agency you're with must know. And don't be afraid to let any health care professionals know you're a survivor of domestic abuse and that the perpetrator is trying to interfere with your sons medical care

Gruzinkerbell1 · 11/04/2019 14:22

I think you need to speak to the safeguarding team at the hospital. They need to be under no illusion that this can ever happen again.

I would also speak to your GP surgery. It will be your son’s vaccination appointments next.

Huskylover1 · 11/04/2019 14:41

Rebook the appointment asap, and don't tell your Ex the date.

Taylia · 11/04/2019 14:47

I would contact data protection/ information governance or pals at the hospital and raise a case.

This appointment should never have been cancelled

LakieLady · 11/04/2019 14:47

If the hospital disclosed information to him when they shouldn't have done, this may be a GPDR breach, and a possibly dangerous one at that.

I'd put in a complaint to the hospital, as well as raising it as a safeguarding issue with Children's Services. As a PP said, they always attend MARAC, so will know some of the history.

I hope you manage to get an appointment soon, OP.

aposterhasnoname · 11/04/2019 14:51

What A Cunt.

That’s all I have, sorry I can’t be more use.

Leeds2 · 11/04/2019 14:53

If you didn't tell Ex, and there was a block on DS's records to prevent Ex from knowing anything about it, I think you really do need to find out what has happened. It sounds like something has seriously gone wrong, and it needs to be flagged.

UCOinanOCG · 11/04/2019 15:09

Raise it as an issue with SS. I say this as a SW. Someone needs to reiterate to the medical staff that your ex must not be informed of anything pertaining to your child.

64sNewName · 11/04/2019 15:13

Shit, that’s horrible. Flowers

theonewiththecats · 11/04/2019 15:17

I would also log a complaint with PALS at the hospital regarding the cancelled appointment.

don't know anything about Marac but think you had good advice.

Sounds awful. I never understand what makes some people tick. hope you get it sorted .

Guyliner · 11/04/2019 15:21

My children are registered at the GP and at the hospital under a hyphenated named (mine and Dh's) which was a change from their actual birth certificates.

This has never been questioned and if you look them up under their birth names you can't find them.

Does ds have his dad's name? Can you just start using yours instead?

If the hospital won't change it on his records maybe try doing it by deed poll and not telling your ex (so he doesn't kick off) then switching it with everyone so he can't ring.

pudding21 · 11/04/2019 15:29

I have no words to describe your ex.

I also don't understand why the hospital have moved his appointment 3 months ahead! 3 months for a small baby needing cardiology tests? Kick off about that and go to PALS.

Let social services and the police deal with your ex. I would report him, he could potentially have put your baby at harm. Wanker.

category12 · 11/04/2019 15:29

Who did know about it?

Do you have any friends or family members that he might have convinced to feel sorry for him or who might think he has a right to know?

endofthelinefinally · 11/04/2019 15:35

You need to go to PALS too.
There has to be a way of stopping anyone else interfering with your son's appointments.
My husband isn't allowed to change any appointments of mine and he accompanies me to everything. They won't speak to him on the phone.
Does your ex have parental responsibility?

BumbleBeee69 · 11/04/2019 15:35

I don't believe I've ever read anything so fucking appalling.. heartfelt sympathies OP Flowers

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