Problem neighour **TITLE EDITED BY MNHQ**

[KittenMittens1]

I think I'm really after advise and a rant tbh,

So let's start!! Argggggggh! Right, so we moved in our new house 9 months ago. Everything was fine for 3 months then everything started, there's this old lady around 80 that lives alone across the road from us. She was lovely at first spoke to my husband more than me but it was nice in general. Then all of a sudden she would shout abuse at me when I left the house saying I'm an alcholic (always the designated driver so not true) calling me every word imaginable, so I asked her a few times why and she responds with vile language and no reason. So I've called the police now 8 or 9 times on her for harrasment / antisocial behaviour. Turns out she's had 2 asbos and she's been causing issues for whoever lives in this house for over 5 years.

Police do f all, their hands are kind of tied with this one tbh as she's an old lady. Our cars have been scratched by her, she shouts abuse at our friends and family who visit.

I have for the whole 9 months been very civil, ignored her most of the time and when I do have enough tell her to get lost. Because I genuinely believe its a mental issue, the police have made her get tested for dementia and its come back she's fine.

I'm lost, I don't know what to do anymore, it's been hell, she just doesn't care how it's affecting us, I literally get panic attacks for the thought of putting the bins out. I haven't got a day in 7 months without been verbally abused. And this past 3 weeks she's taken to opening her front door and staring at our house for about an hour!, super scary crap! We've brought cctv since the cars got scratched but police still say they can't do much.

Advise please? Anything would be appreciated.

I had a neighbour who behave in a very nasty way after a boundary dispute which was nothing to do with me. I became very scared and had to use another entrance. So you have my sympathy. I suffer from anxiety so you can imagine how I felt.
This person was not old, she was just very angry and weird. One day I managed to talk to her and it all settled down.
Not suggesting you do that.
This one sounds like she has real problems. Sorry cannot be of more help.

This should have been declared to you before you moved in the property. If your private renting or HA/Council then I would ask to be moved or move. This might be quicker than trying to get her sorted out.
I hope you've not bought it because its going to be hard to sell it with all this going on.

By law, sellers have to disclose if they're are disputes/disagreements/problems between neighbours. I'd go for the estate agents first, threaten legal action and see what they say.
If you haven't already, install CCTV. The police will not to do anything without CCTV. DP owns a small business and has had his fuel stolen from vans before, and despite knowing who it is, without concrete CCTV evidence the police cannot do anything at all

@KittenMittens1

Thanks for answering my question, I think, even though you are clearly different to the previous occupant, I think because you are in the house, she thinks you are them. And I think she needs reassessing. The reason I mention this is when my Nan (dad's mum) started to go downhill, she started to hate my mum and talk nastily about and to her. Long story short, they had a falling out a long time ago, which was long since forgotten, but to my Nan, it had just happened... I know it must be utterly awful for you, and do log everything / film her if possible / call her son / social services / 111 as necessary but please keep in the back of your mind that by the sounds of it, it isn't YOU or your family she hates. She is ill and is probably very frightened and lashing out. Awful situation all round, I do hope both you and she get the help you both need. Hopefully they will reassess her and maybe it's time for her to be cared for in a home and you can get some peace.

She's a bully. And bullies only pick on people they think are weaker than them.

You're 25. She's 80. If it came to a fight, you'd win hands down. So, you're going to have to make her shit scared of you. Won't be a popular opinion, but I would totally get in her face and scare the absolute shit out of her. But I do have a terrible temper, and would have snapped long ago if someone was abusing me this way. No fucking way would I stand for it.

Use a more discrete camera she cannot see.
Do write to MP if you don't get action from police or housing association - MP will write to them for information about what action is being taken.
If you are in housing assoc property and previous tenant suffered the same problem, you can take action against them too.

I would totally get in her face and scare the absolute shit out of her
I think this is a risky strategy.
Yes, generally speaking, we should stand up to bullies but in this instance I think if you try to make a vindictive nasty 'batshit' old lady scared of you she may well find a way to turn it around and make you look like the aggressor.

Also frightening a mentally unwell and aggressive person who has tried to kill pets is dangerous thing to do. Frightened people can do unpredictable and violent things even without factoring in the mental health/dementia problem. My mother attacked one of her carers when she had mild dementia exacerbated by a raging infection. She thought he was chasing her, and was terrified. She was very frail and didn’t hurt him, but still. This is not a rational person who will think “ I had better not mess with Kitten again” , this is a person who is paranoid, vindictive, and convinced the op is an old enemy. Who knows how she would react ? Not well I imagine.

Speaking from experience I'd stick with the earphones, just pretend you can't hear her. Wear sunglasses to avoid eye contact, you can pretend you haven't seen her. If the police keep fobbing you off make a formal complaint. We had horrendous problems with a neighbours wife but, possibly because of who he was (very, very high profile civic role), the police were reluctant to do anything even when she was making up complaints of serious criminal offences - she claimed OH assaulted her on a day the hadn't even seen her and also that he had threatened her with a gun. In the end we wrote a letter to the Cheif Constable and they stopped acting on her complaint s and shes gone quiet.

Keep on at the son too. To think you have a family contact you're not using to max

I think everyone has already given the advice I could think of, so just and empathy. Must be so hard.

I don't want to be responsible for getting her moved but we can't live like this anymore.

If someone in authority is willing to move on a vile neighbour then let them do it! It'd be a result of the neighbour's own bad choices that led to it, not anyone else's.