Problem neighour **TITLE EDITED BY MNHQ**

[KittenMittens1]

I think I'm really after advise and a rant tbh,

So let's start!! Argggggggh! Right, so we moved in our new house 9 months ago. Everything was fine for 3 months then everything started, there's this old lady around 80 that lives alone across the road from us. She was lovely at first spoke to my husband more than me but it was nice in general. Then all of a sudden she would shout abuse at me when I left the house saying I'm an alcholic (always the designated driver so not true) calling me every word imaginable, so I asked her a few times why and she responds with vile language and no reason. So I've called the police now 8 or 9 times on her for harrasment / antisocial behaviour. Turns out she's had 2 asbos and she's been causing issues for whoever lives in this house for over 5 years.

Police do f all, their hands are kind of tied with this one tbh as she's an old lady. Our cars have been scratched by her, she shouts abuse at our friends and family who visit.

I have for the whole 9 months been very civil, ignored her most of the time and when I do have enough tell her to get lost. Because I genuinely believe its a mental issue, the police have made her get tested for dementia and its come back she's fine.

I'm lost, I don't know what to do anymore, it's been hell, she just doesn't care how it's affecting us, I literally get panic attacks for the thought of putting the bins out. I haven't got a day in 7 months without been verbally abused. And this past 3 weeks she's taken to opening her front door and staring at our house for about an hour!, super scary crap! We've brought cctv since the cars got scratched but police still say they can't do much.

Advise please? Anything would be appreciated.

Is she in social housing? I would complain to them in writing.
The patronising thing sounds good aswell

@Littleduckeggblue yes i think she is, we've got a contact at the local housing association thats dealing with her. but its a bittersweet situation, I don't want to be responsible for getting her moved but we can't live like this anymore.

I may try the been overly nice thing, we we're nice to her at the start its just like a crazy switch was flicked in her brain which is why i'm so confused as to why this is happening. I was so admiant it was dementia. so when her son and the PCSOs said it wasn't i was so shocked!

I don't want to be responsible for getting her moved but we can't live like this anymore.

The shock of realising she is at risk of losing her home might make her stop. She is making your lives hell -do it. I would also be phoning her son every time. When he starts feeling harassed by you, you can tell him ‘ now you know how I feel’.
Awful situation so sorry for you. I assume moving isn’t an option?

Dementia can take a long time to diagnose. It can also cause dreadful hallucinations causing the sufferer to do lots of weird and wonderful stuff. Have you tried Social Services?

I don't want to be responsible for getting her moved but we can't live like this anymore.

Don't feel guilty, if there are no mental health issues she has brought this on herself.

Good luck

Can you ask the son if one of the previous tenants in your house was an alcoholic or a trouble causer? That might be what has set her off. Especially since she was nice to you at the beginning. She may have slow onset of dementia that wasn't evident when she was tested (how long ago was that? It may have taken a sudden turn for the worse, my Nan went from totally clued in to totally not there in a very short time). She may now think you are "that" neighbour. If you do find out something like that then maybe the son can introduce you as the "new neighbour" and reset her memory so's to speak.

Or she may just be a malicious old lady, but it's something worth at least thinking about.

If her son has denied any dementia etc. that could very easily be a lie. This is his 80 year old mother, he could be waiting to inherit that house and doesn't want anyone interfering and possibly making her sell it to pay for care fees.

I totally feel for you, she sounds like my birth mum, who would be in her late seventies, whome I haven’t seen in 19yrs, except it can’t be as I don’t have a brother!
She was a nightmare I went NC at 16 as she was that bad, I won’t go into details but let’s just say my life was hell. She would change at the flick of a switch and saw things very black and white, she either loved you or hated you, there was no in between. She was spoken to by the police over the years but nothing was ever done, I don’t think they knew how to handle her or what to do about her, she had a history of neighbour fallouts, running around chasing people with wood axe or piece of 2x4....attatcked my father years ago with the claw side of a hammer. She was like this in her 40s onwards so I cannot imagine she has changed now in her seventies and I feel for the people that come into contact with her.

If your neighbour hasn’t got dementia she prob has a lifelong mental illness, much like my birth mum, unfortunately not everyone mellows with age.
If she is HA housed then I think your best best is logging everything with them and keep pushing the issue, the ideal would be to get her moved, which could be better for everyone in the long term as they could find her somewhere with a warden or something so she has people keeeping an eye on her and less likely to be able to cause people trouble.

In the meantime, don’t engage and keeping recording cctv. Could you pop in some earplugs before getting out the car so you can’t hear her abusing you?

I don't want to be responsible for getting her moved but we can't live like this anymore.
She is responsible for getting herself moved.
This is completely unacceptable, OP, and you should not have to live with this. Complain to the housing association, report her to the police if she is abusive or does damage, especially if you have cctv evidence.
Is that TV programme still going - the one about nightmare neighbours?

To be tested for dementia its loads of different tests at the hospital .Not just going to a G.P once and them saying you've not got it.The NDN brother has a form of it and its being going on for months getting him loads of tests done etc.He was phoning ambulances etc all day long.
You need to go see your M.P and get their help and keep phoning the Police and Social Services. The HA can begin eviction proceedings. If someone is as bad as that then they need help.Just ignore her as well and put earphones in when you leave the house so you don't have to listen to it.I'd get those ear defenders used for shooting off Ebay, you cant hear much with them on.

I agree that dementia can take time to diagnose, but she could also have a serious mental health problem, it certainly sounds like one or the other. Although you would think her son would know if she had long standing mental health issues ?
It does sound horrendous for you op, no-one can live like this. Does she harass all the neighbours or just you ? Trying to poison your cats is really frightening, this is extreme behaviour, she needs some proper assessment surely. Agree talk to social services and your MP, she needs help before she hurts someone.

I'd say it was either some form of dementia, or a severe psychotic mental illness or a personality disorder, or drug/alcohol use.

Get some CCTV which links up to your iPhone and TV so you know as soon as she's up to something. Worth every penny as can be used as clear evidence.
If you can't afford it, buy a dummy camera off Amazon, point to it when she's playing up and loudly say everything is being recorded.

You need to complain to the police every single time. Their hands are not tied because she’s 80. There was an asbo case in Castle Donnington recently with an older lady making her neighbours life hell.

Film her if you can and get cctv in your house.

Did you buy? Did the previous owners not have to declare it?

It actually doesn't matter what she does or doesn't have (really). She's impacting incredibly negatively on OPs life and many other lives - why should people have to be subjected to harrassment, intimidation, attempted poisoning, arson and criminal damage FFS!

This woman should be getting arrested - any aftercare she needs can be sorted out - after. God help people who can't enjoy the basics of life like getting out of their car on their driveway and simply walking inside, without fear of verbal attack. God in heaven we bend over backwards for batshit people like this woman - think of the poor victim(s), they need help now and have been failed.

Time to ramp up the (inconspicuous) recording OP, HD cameras (probably fire proof and stone-throwing proof would be required by the sounds of things - there are smaller and smaller and less obtrusive ones around nowadays thank goodness plus a notice to say CCTV recording going on so you're covered there - the images won't do much for you if the quality is rubbish and automatic PIR outdoor security lighting will help capture good images). And submit it to the police on a weekly basis confirming what happened a. harrassment b. intimidation, c. attempted poisoning of an animal d. arson c. criminal damage to a vehicle (whichever offence she is carrying out). It will build up a recorded pattern of behaviour. If sending it to the police doesn't work, widen the net of recipients - adult social services, landlord/HA, local MP. When that doesn't work, newspaper..... Press the police to apply the appropriate criminal charges to be applied and keep repeating until it finally works and she's moved to where she needs to be - which frankly sounds like a secure facility tbh. She actually sounds pretty dangerous - I mean, she tried to set fire to someone's home and nothing was done about it?! Mind boggles.

thank you everyone for responding, really appreciate it.

@GottaGoGottaGo - yes there was a woman who lived here in the 90s that used to be an alcoholic and they apparently used to hate each other. So it could be she thinks I'm her, even though I'm 25 and the woman at the time was late 50s.

@Boysey45 used ear phones before didn't stop her but I didn't think of the ear defenders! I'll have a look into that! although it doesn't stop her giving abuse to visiting family members. My Nana is too scared to visit us now.

@DointItForTheKids totally agree! she needs arresting. But I call 101 and then 3 or 4 days later they send round the neighbourhood bobbys who just tell her off. I won't call 999 as its not an life threatening emergency.

It is shocking that nobody is taking responsibility for this woman, i mean this is clearly not going to get better. She needs professional help, and you need to be safe.

It would kill me to do it but flowers and chocolates and going round to 'make peace' might just work.... ugh.

Failing that, cctv, harangue the police and SS to get her moved.

I’d come at it from a different angle.

Tell the police/council/social care she is a safeguarding risk. Make her their problem. Make them take responsibility for her safety. This will be seen as a higher priority than harassment and criminal damage.

(Make sure you emphasise that you are not in a position to help her though).

Call the police every single time. They will soon get fed up and insist something is done.

If she's a socia housing tenant they can get an injunction to protect you-antisocial behaviour injunction. Think she needs to be threatening for them to get that.
Video very time she's threatening you, report to police even if feels pointless & keep a diary of incidents & how you feel.
And I'd just let her be moved on. It's not worth your mental health

I don't want to be responsible for getting her moved but we can't live like this anymore

So what do you want? Nothing will change unless you move or she moves. She's not going to suddenly realise that she's a fucking cunt and stop acting the way she has been. Stop putting any thought into her welfare now. She has brought this on herself and if she can be moved then off to fuck with her.

thanks everyone, I thought I was going crazy myself at first. Thanks for the messages and the support.

@Ali1cedowntherabbithole safegaurding risk! i'm going to look into that now!

thats what worries me, no one is trying to help her, no one wants to take any responsibility for her, whether its the police, her doctor, her son, social services..

Been speaking to the previous tenant on social media this morning and shes going to help me when I next see the police shes going to come over and give statements too. Hopefully that will help.

Again thanks folks, appreciate the feedback and advise.