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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She forgot to collect her from school

92 replies

Sunflower268 · 10/04/2019 20:24

Today I had a knock on my door not long after picking up DC from school, it was my neighbours daughter. She explained that she thought her mum would be walking her home from school but she didn't turn up so she went home and she's not at home either. From what I know her mum walks to and from school with her some days and other days she doesn't, there's not a set routine. She's in year 6 and school isn't far away so she's old enough to walk by herself and most the year 6's do however she does seem developmentally behind for her age and needs the extra help sometimes compared to other 11 year olds. I phoned her mum obviously concerned about where she was and she said she had completely forgotten and would be home in about 10 minutes. She then turns up about 30 minutes later and explains that she was out at the shops. Surely you don't just forget to collect your child from school and not only that but forget to be home at least for when they get there all because you were too busy shopping?

OP posts:
TroysMammy · 10/04/2019 22:56

On the flip side once I went to pick my niece up from school which I do every Friday and she was not there. My sister had forgotten to tell me she was off school ill and was with Grandparents. I nearly burst into tears in front of the teacher.

Headinthedrawer · 10/04/2019 23:00

I never understood how a parent could forget a child...until I got a full on job and they were both at different schools walking home alone,doing after school clubs some nights, in school child care others.Ive had to tell them both to knock on neighbours doors if I mess up because it's bound to happen.And I know it's happened to plenty of my busy friends.I don't judge them.

ColeHawlins · 10/04/2019 23:14

Let it go.

She made a mistake. No harm was done. She's less likely to make the same mistake in future.

Fruitsaladjelly · 10/04/2019 23:15

I have not forgotten my child but I have lost track of time. Especially in the spring when it’s so much brighter at 3pm it can seem earlier. I had been engrossed in some household chores just a few weeks ago, the sun was shining and I decided to break for lunch, something made me look at my watch and it was two minutes to 3 which is pick up time. I was hours out of sync. It’s easily done.

Eliza9919 · 10/04/2019 23:24

My mum forgot me outside a shop when I had been home for about a week (in hospital for 3 months before I went home). She got all the way home before she remembered as she was going in the door. She ran all the way back and luckily, obviously, I was still there Grin

PyongyangKipperbang · 11/04/2019 00:18

Well on the one hand, this is why I have an alarm on my phone 15 minutes before pick up time. I fell asleep when pg once and was woken up by a call from school asking where I was!

However.....I flew round there as fast as a heavily pregnant woman can felt terrible. She didnt seem bothered if she turned up an hour later. What if you had gone straight out after pick up? I would be concerned tbh.

Mommaof2x · 11/04/2019 02:41

Only an hour... she obviously got side tracked and once you called to say she was with you just finished what she was doing? Clearly she probably had something important or busy on to forget in first place- for all u know she could have had a serious hospital appointments or something which over ran but she didn’t want to disclose that!

HotpotLawyer · 11/04/2019 03:16

She was probably having wild illicit sex somewhere.

BurrSir · 11/04/2019 06:44

School finished at 3:15. Regularly I have a handful of children at 3:35. Sometimes parents have been genuinely held up but it’s often the same children.

Juanbablo · 11/04/2019 07:11

When the DC's broke up for Easter a few weeks after dc3 was born I forgot it was early pick up. I knew it was early pick up but it didn't register in my head that I needed to leave. So I was at home with baby and dc2 when my friend calls and asks me if I wanted her to collect dc1. Thank goodness for her! I was so grateful and felt really guilty.

ToffeePennie · 11/04/2019 07:23

I forgot my reception class child yesterday. It was 3:15 (nearly 20 mins late) when I finally remembered and hot footed it over to school. These things happen.

EleanorOalike · 11/04/2019 10:12

As a one off it’s fine. If it was regular it would be a reason to be concerned. I was always the last child to be collected and back in the 90s nobody monitored you to see if you’d been picked up. I do remember that panicked sinking feeling of thinking my Dad might never come and realising there weren’t any other children and parents left around to ask for help. Once I was waiting an hour and a half and got stuck in a thunderstorm, with school being locked up so, like your neighbour, I just walked the 3 miles home and arrived home looking like a drowned rat.

Having worked in schools, these days things are different. It is often the same kids who are always forgotten and they often told me how awful it made them feel to be the last ones. One school, I worked in would make it clear that if a child was “forgotten” 3 times in one term they would make a referral to SS. I saw that as a good thing as for me being forgotten was another sign of the abuse and neglect that was happening at home.

In this case, there was no harm done. If it happens a lot though perhaps raise a concern with the child’s school.

Ladycsparkles · 11/04/2019 11:39

I forgot to collect my eldest from school once! He was in yr 1 and I'd not long had my youngest and had severe sleep deprivation- I'd passed out on the couch and didn't even know what was going on till my neighbour hammered on the door to say the school had called and she was on her way to grab him for me!

It happens

TheOriginalChatelaine · 11/04/2019 11:45

One time does not a pattern make. It's a lovely thing that the daughter felt comfortable & confident enough to call on you OP.

Double0FeckingBollocks · 11/04/2019 17:53

@IceCreamAndCandyFloss So you’d shop her to the school? I bet you’d really enjoy doing it too.

PyongyangKipperbang · 11/04/2019 18:02

Clearly she probably had something important or busy on to forget in first place- for all u know she could have had a serious hospital appointments or something which over ran but she didn’t want to disclose that!

In which case she should have arranged for after school care, as I always do just in case as appointments over run late. What you dont do is just a) assume it will be fine, b) not bother to tell the kid c) not inform school that you will be late and d) not arrange anyone else to pick her up as it is an emergency and potentially leave her handing around outside for an hour on her own.

Bollocks to something important. She forgot and then when the OP said she had her, carried on with what she wanted to do instead what she needed to do which is collect her DD.

Grumpelstilskin · 11/04/2019 18:08

I forgot my youngest DC in a shop once. I was so sleep deprived, I went to another aisle, then to the check-out and then wandered home in a daze. Only, when I opened the front door and tried to push a non-existant pram inside, I suddenly remembered and sprinted back at record speed. DD was sound asleep in the pram in the same location. I still shudder at what could have happened. So, OP please lower down your hoiked up judgy pants.

babyno5 · 11/04/2019 18:12

@Sunflower268 few years back I had arranged to see my daughters teacher at end of school day (year 5). I had told our au pair not to collect her as I would get her.
Day arrives and I head off to off site meeting for work for the morning. En route manage to have accident and roll my car. Cut out of car and taken to hospital to be checked out. Usual drama of everything taking ages but manage to organise hire car to be delivered to hospital. Eventually released from hospital (no injuries) and set off home finally.
Feeling a bit battered and bruised I arrive home st 6.15pm-yep had totally forgotten about meeting with teacher! Race back to school to find daughter helping headteacher with his filing and caretaker with some tidying up. Not sure why they didn't call me but 10 years on daughter never lets me forget 😂😂.

spanishwife · 11/04/2019 18:22

Let it go. She made a mistake. No harm was done. She's less likely to make the same mistake in future.

This pretty much. Don't penalise another mother for a small, harmless mistake. Maybe she wasn't at the shops but instead doing something that completely took over her mind - caring for an elderly relative who had a bad turn, at an important doctors appt, helping a friend going through a rough time. You don't know the full situation, lucky you were there, her daughter is safe and that's that.

spanishwife · 11/04/2019 18:24

My mum forgot to pick me up once from an extra curricular activity. Was stuck in the dark for an hour or so outside school, on my own (year 7). was so angry at her, I only found out years later she had just received AWFUL news and raced home from the appointment she was at without realising it was her day to get me.

spanishwife · 11/04/2019 18:28

@PyongyangKipperbang or was actually 30 minutes away and not 'at the shops' and raced over? Never made a mistake in your life?

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 11/04/2019 18:29

hotpot that's what I thought!

at the shops ten minutes away my arse! She was sexytiming her fancy piece and had to spend time getting her best pants off the chandelier.

pollymere · 11/04/2019 18:33

I fell asleep on the sofa and only realised when the school rang. Luckily it was a three minute run!

CottonSock · 11/04/2019 18:37

My friend left his baby asleep in pram outside school. All turned out well

SkintAsASkintThing · 11/04/2019 18:44

If she's ok to walk home alone she's ok to wait for her mum for an hour. It might be a good idea for mum to get a key safe or something in case it happens again.