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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

She forgot to collect her from school

92 replies

Sunflower268 · 10/04/2019 20:24

Today I had a knock on my door not long after picking up DC from school, it was my neighbours daughter. She explained that she thought her mum would be walking her home from school but she didn't turn up so she went home and she's not at home either. From what I know her mum walks to and from school with her some days and other days she doesn't, there's not a set routine. She's in year 6 and school isn't far away so she's old enough to walk by herself and most the year 6's do however she does seem developmentally behind for her age and needs the extra help sometimes compared to other 11 year olds. I phoned her mum obviously concerned about where she was and she said she had completely forgotten and would be home in about 10 minutes. She then turns up about 30 minutes later and explains that she was out at the shops. Surely you don't just forget to collect your child from school and not only that but forget to be home at least for when they get there all because you were too busy shopping?

OP posts:

HoraceCope · 10/04/2019 20:57

oh i almost forgot to pick up my dd from nursery, attached to the school, but came out later, i was chatting for ages, then realised, when i eventually went back to my car, i had blocked someone in, assuming i was coming out school time

OhJustElfOff · 10/04/2019 20:58

I forgot to tell my mum dd1 was coming home with dd2after school once instead of going to her club on a bus when she was helping me out with the school run. DD ended up abandoned at school because I was working and didn't check my phone until 6:30pm. She was 7 and loves the story of being left at school because we all forgot her. It happens

CloserIAm2Fine · 10/04/2019 21:00

As a Brownie leader it’s surprisingly common. Generally the parent has lost track of time or there’s been crossed wires about who’s doing the pick up.

The child is almost secondary age and was sensible enough to go to you when nobody was home, I wouldn’t be particularly concerned, especially as her mum wasn’t far away or planning to be gone for long.

Original poster

Sunflower268 · 10/04/2019 21:01

I understand these things happen but by the time she got back it was nearly an hour since school had finished and it certainly doesn't take half an hour to get home from the shops, maybe 10 minutes if the roads are at their busiest.

As for development needs - lots of kids get extra help at school especially in SATS year I don't think you can rely on that to id she has SEN or anything and therefore needs extra help generally
I do suspect she has SEN but not just because she needs extra help, she is generally very behind for her age and behaves similarly to how my 8 year old child does maybe a little younger. I'm not saying this is a bad thing though, I mentioned it because it makes the situation different to a more able 11 year old being left on their own for a bit

OP posts:

cricketballs3 · 10/04/2019 21:09

I do suspect she has SEN but not just because she needs extra help, she is generally very behind for her age and behaves similarly to how my 8 year old child does maybe a little younger. I'm not saying this is a bad thing though, I mentioned it because it makes the situation different to a more able 11 year old being left on their own for a bit

DS2 has MLD and ASD therefore I am more overprotective of him than I was with DS1 however this doesn't mean I never got brain fog at times - as PP have pointed out it is a frequent and easy mistake for a tired parent to make

BumbleBeee69 · 10/04/2019 21:10

Bless this lass OP, thankfully she had the good sense to come to your door when she couldn't find her Mum.

NettleTea · 10/04/2019 21:11

yup. Ive forgotten. My friend and his brother were both left in a pram in Battersea park by their mum once too.

Al2O3 · 10/04/2019 21:15

So what. If it is good for the Prime Minister of the UK then it is good for anybody else.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-18391663

saraclara · 10/04/2019 21:25

Sometimes she picks her up, sometimes she doesn't. The girl walks home on her own at other times, so it's not like she's not able to be independent.
She probably only called at yours because either she didn't have a key, or she was concerned that her mum might have had a problem.

She wasn't in danger, and it's these 'non-routine' things that are most easily forgotten. It's no big deal.

flyingspaghettimonster · 10/04/2019 21:34

I forgot my kids several times... their school system has weird half days and hour early releases all over the place. One particularly bad time i turned up 10 mins before normal school pick up rather than letting my kid take the bus that day. I wondered where all the cars were... walked into the school to be told it was a 2 hour early release and my kid had caught the bus as normal... I panicked then as we had always agreed if I wasn't at the bus stop a block from our house she was to walk straight home as fast as possible. Since I had been home all afternoon and she hadn't come home I was a total mess as the principal rang the bus company, who said she definitely got off the bus like normal. For ten minutes I thought she had been kidnapped and all of the worst case scenarios went through my mind. I drove to the bus stop and knocked on the family who live next to it's door to ask if they saw her... and she was in their house all along! They saw I wasn't at the bus stop and told her to just come in as I must have forgotten early release and they would bring her out at normal bus time. Nice of them, except they never texted me or anything and had never taken her before so it never occurred to me she might be there.

It may sound awful to have forgotten my kids, but they were in two separate schools with totally different holidays, teacher training days and half days and I seemed to be constantly to and fro to the bus stop... it was easy to get muddled up. After that time though I made extra sure we had a very clear back up plan in place.

Richmond1972 · 10/04/2019 21:38

my PAID childminder once forgot to pick me up. i was 7 and that day she had her sister with her and several nieces/nephews. They had all excitedly piled into 2 cars and driven 15 minutes home. She forgot to come for me and only realized when she got home and her own son asked where i was.

that day one of my other friends waited with me as her au pair was late. when she finally arrived, 10 mins after school ended, we told her au pair that I was due that day for a playdate and her mum must have forgotten to tell her. So au pair took me home!

friends mum got home, found me at her house drinking vimto and eating pasta and promptly returned me to my child minder. My child minder then informed me my mum would be very angry if she knew i had gone home with someone i wasnt supposed to and we kept the whole thing a secret .

TheweewitchRoz · 10/04/2019 21:39

Given how I am, I know I could easily forget, so have an alarm on my phone & also a recurring reminder in my calendar on days when I have to do pick up as I get engrossed in tasks and don't notice the time.

ShhhItsMySecret · 10/04/2019 21:39

I've forgotten.
Fallen asleep.
Been really held up.
It happens, and it isn't the end of the world.

MrsKoala · 10/04/2019 21:39

My parents left my sister standing outside the house and got a taxi to the airport on our way to a holiday. They locked up the house and loaded the cases into the cab then we all got in (I was about 3 and she was 13) then got almost to heathrow and I said 'where's sister?' My parents looked round and said 'oh shit, we have to go back, we've left our daughter at the house'. The taxi driver was and my sister was just sitting on the wall waiting. The funny thing was I don't even think she was that phased. That was the 70s for you!

I have loads of stories like that too. It really wasn't a one off.

flamed12 · 10/04/2019 21:44

Cut her some slack. I know a few people who have done this when there’s been a lot on or it’s out of their normal routine. No big deal.

KarmaStar · 10/04/2019 21:58

What is the AIBU?

KnitterOfSocks · 10/04/2019 22:03

I forgot to pick up mine and an extra two from Cubs one evening. I turned up to the childminder to collect mine and they weren't there as it was the wrong day. It took me a couple of minutes to work out where I should be, and of course I was then late. I was also on a bus once and we got caught in a traffic jam between stops. Driver wouldn't let me off - I sat there for half an hour, I was two stops from the school and I could do nothing. I did call them, but it was awful.

sobeyondthehills · 10/04/2019 22:03

My mum forgot me once. The police came and took me home, it was amazing.

I have recently forgotten DS at school. I thought DP was doing the pick up, turns out he was on a late shift and it wasn't Tuesday it was Wednesday.

I bought the teacher a massive box of chocolates for staying late and not putting him into afterschool club (which they could of done)

chillpizza · 10/04/2019 22:09

I don’t understand how it happens. I have alarms set for times to leave for pick up/drop off so I’m not late as I hate lateness it’s so rude.

I’m also neurotic about making sure if someone else is picking up that the day before it’s confirmed once again they are picking up even if it’s a regular thing like say once a week every week I check “are you still getting X tomorrow?”

SuperSara · 10/04/2019 22:20

YABU

MitziK · 10/04/2019 22:21

DD1 used to be picked up by her father her grandparents EOW on a Wednesday so he they could see her/stay over.

I was convinced it was that week, so was happily shopping at five to three and planning to go to Mothercare (6 months pg) before having a hot chocolate and cake when I suddenly thought 'hang on, she was there last week'.

Luckily, the 3 o'clock bus was ten minutes late, so I managed to catch it by waddling as fast as I possibly could all the way through town to the bus stop just as it came round the corner and I got there as the 2nd last child in the class was being collected.

If I hadn't remembered, I wouldn't have been home until about 5pm and it was when mobile phones still weren't used by anybody except salesmen, so there would have been no way to contact me.

It happens. With the best of intentions, it happens.

GreenTulips · 10/04/2019 22:26

Not sure what you are expecting

Mum was apologetic
You helped out a neighbour

Nobody was hurt

TreadingThePrimrosePath · 10/04/2019 22:34

I’m enjoying all the sensible , matter-of-fact responses to the outraged OP.

EmeraldShamrock · 10/04/2019 22:39

Yes it can happened, I have been close to the wind with time before.
It is not a big deal.

JoantheVampireSlayer · 10/04/2019 22:51

When I was 12 I went away with school and when we got back there was no one there to collect me. My Dad had obviously forgotten I existed and arranged a last minute work trip- I had to stay with a friend for 3 days until he got home!

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