To ask what your 11/12 yo does around the house?

[tiredandnotfeelingveryblessed]

Ds1 has kicked off massively today. No one else at school has to do jobs around the house and no one else has to earn screen time. He's 12yo in y7. Currently he has to:

-keep his room tidy ish and put his laundry away
-do half of the dishwasher, unloading and loading
-lay the table for supper whilst it's being cooked and help clear the table afterwards
-brush the dog daily
-help out with other tasks when asked

The dishwasher and dog has to be done when he gets home from school, before he's allowed to go on a console or whatever.

Aibu?

Ds (11) has to
Empty his school bag and lunchbox

Put the recycling from the inside bin into the outside bin

Clear the table after dinner

Put away his and dd (5) clothes (only the ones that need hanging up, she puts her own PJs and underwear in her drawer)

Once a week he strips his and dd's beds ready for changing

He has ASD and Dyspraxia so lacks coordination atm to load/unload the dishwasher or put pillowcases and duvet covers on!

OF COURSE you are not being unreasonable. You are teaching your child about responsibility and self-reliance. I desperately wish more parents would teach their children life skills from an early age. Tell your son of the whinging continues, there will be consequences; no games, tv, whatever. Well done and stick to your guns. You're not treating him as a servant fgs.

I'll be watching with interest, as I was thinking of making a thread to ask what people think is reasonable for an 11 year old do around the house.

My DS 12 feeds the cat, unloads the dishwasher, dusts and hoovers his room and occasionally hoovers other rooms. Sweeps the kitchen, cleans the bathroom basin. Sorts his washing, folds and puts away. Unpacks his bag and lunchbox. Takes bins out sometimes and puts shopping away sometimes.
I think your tasks are reasonable

2 kids, aged 13 and 11.

Daily:
Sort out their own lunches
Put laundry in basket
Fill/empty dishwasher
Make me a cuppa
Pop to the shops when we run out of milk (10 minute round trip)
Feed pet
Ad hoc jobs like wipe counters or sweep floor

Weekly:
Clean their bathroom (throw a bit of bleach in the bowl, replace towel, loo roll)
Change their own sheets/duvet cover

Occasionally:
Light gardening
Cutting grass
Help wash cars
Cook a simple meal under supervision (chicken curry from a jar with rice, pasta with sauce, toad in the hole, beans on toast)
Tidy their bedrooms
Help with hanging out laundry
Order a Chinese takeaway on the phone, collect and pay for it

From talking to other parents, this would be fairly typical for their age group.

@tiredandnotfeelingveryblessed
Other kids at his school probably do have to do housework it's just they don't tell him

Bloody hell.
Things are gonna be changing around here!

my (just) 13 yr old dd .... keeps room tidy, strips bed weekly, washed dinner dishes every evening, makes dinner 1 x per week, does errands, goes to the shops etc (with a list) cleans the bathroom at weekends ...... my 10 yr old Ds .... keeps room tidy, hangs out washing to dry or puts on to radiators, Hoover's every other day, makes his and younger siblings beds in the morning

Mine don't have specific jobs, and they're older (13 & 15). But, I work full time so if they need something doing they've learned it's often quicker to do it themselves. So they will sort out their own washing, rooms and beds as they need to. Certainly not too a high standard, but they just get on with it now.
Also, if I ask them to help with tea, hoovering or washing the car they mostly will. Sometimes I'll trade a job for something they've asked for, so if they ask me to make pancakes, I might say ok, if you tidy the living room etc.

Ultimately I don't think they should do too much. They've got school, homework, activities, friends. All that plus a bit of downtime should come first. Plenty of time for them to be cleaning and doing jobs when they're older.

My Dd aged 11

• clears the table after meal and sweeps around the table.

-occasionally washes up -puts hers and her 2 sisters clothes away -cleans and tidies her own room -fills up water bottles for school -will help with dinner if its possible

DD5 - sets table for meals

• puts her washing in the basket.

-helps DD11 to put clothes away -tidies up after herself

DD3
-supervises her big sisters 😃
-puts her washing in basket
-helps put clothes into washing machine
-passes pegs when hanging clothes on washing line

The reason I have shown you what my 5 and 3 year old does, is to show your son even 3 year olds are big enough to help out around the house

@tiredandnotfeelingveryblessed I don't have a 12 yo but I remember when I was 12 and I had to do ALOT as my DM was disabled and I remember always thinking no one else does anything at home but when we all got to 15/16 and they were still having their lunch made and clothes washed because they didn't have a clue I was happy I was taught how to take care of myself...

My dd is 9, she has things to do in the house, but she doesn't get any money or screen time for them.
She makes her bed every morning (and strips in once a week)
Hoovers her bedroom
Feeds the cat
Pick up cat poo
Takes out the recycling
Hoovers the stairs occasionally (with the cordless dyson, not the big hoover)
Puts her own dirty washing in the machine, and puts it away once dry
Helps wash up sometimes
Makes tea about once a week, something easy like homemade toad in the hole or a pie.

She will do generally anything that we ask actually, she likes to help.

Mine had to strip and make their beds on Sundays.
Keep their room tidy-ish.

Other than that anything I asked them to as and when it cropped up.

My 12 year old has to (without being asked):
Do the dishwasher every morning
Hoover the hall and living room every evening
Otherwise she doesn't earn pocket money (£5 a week)

She is also responsible for:
Tidying bedroom (although it's often a mess)
Doing homework (she is not allowed to leave it until the night before it's due in, unless it was set the day before it is due in).

Makes packed lunches for herself

Ensuring she has uniform, shoes are clean etc.

And any other tidying requests.

She is also responsible for planning and sticking to a revision schedule as it is her end of years early May. Last year (y7) I helped her with it. This year she knows what to do and so is responsible for it.

She is also responsible for getting up and leaving the house on school days. Showering/bathing decisions and is in charge of cutting her nails!

Also - no last minute requests for things ie at 10pm stating she has home ec the next day and can we go to Asda. She has to let us know (I work over 60 hours a week) well in advance if she needs anything.

She only really started having responsibilities at 10 though, and we've built up from there.

My 7 and 8 year old DSC do the same as your DS when they are with us.

They also help with cooking and other chores too so I don't think you are asking too much.

And they have to earn screen time too.

Nothing really other than pick up their laundry etc. They'll help me cook when I ask because they enjoy it but that's about it. I'm not overly fussed, I never had to do any chores! My kids go to a very homework-heavy school so I like them to have some downtime, and as they are polite, pleasant children, never ask for anything etc they quite an easy ride! It might change when they get a bit older and want more money for stuff...

My DS12
keeps his room tidyish
Loads the dishwasher
Feeds and cleans out the guinea pig
Does his washing and has started doing some of his ironing
Cooks occasionally

My 11 year old does the following although admittedly not always willingly:

-Keeps his own room tidy
Puts own washing in basket
Puts a load of washing on when asked
Pegs out/hangs up wet washing/brings it in and sorts it out -again only when asked not all the time.
Puts dirty football kit straight in machine and is responsible for cleaning his own football boots
Sets the table for tea and helps clear up after
Occasionally asked to help fill and empty dishwasher
Makes his own breakfast and lunch when not at school.
Helps out on rare one off gardening days
Puts own stuff away when left around the house

DS is 11yo and his room, the dishes and the trash are his daily responsibilities. He has to keep his room picked up, empty/load the dishwasher and take out the trash.

They only weekly task he has is to put away his laundry, strip and remake his bedsheets.

Son who is 11.3 has to

Keep his room tidy, not leave packets of whatever he’s been eating and dirty cups etc in his room
Clean the toilet if he messes it up
Hoover downstairs once a day after tea (lightweight cordless hoover)
Put his clean washing away and put his dirty washing in the basket
Take his dishes away from the table, not just leave them

I think this is more than reasonable but he still moans.

Ooh yes and he’s makes his own bed with clean sheets that I provide

Mine mopes, starts arguments, showers under duress

DD1 (12) does the following...

Empties bag and lunchbox
Strips and makes own bed and helps DD3 with hers
Brings own laundry down, puts machine on and puts away
Tidies own room
Occasional weeding, hoovering, trip to Tesco, etc. Usually one of these types of job a day.

No set jobs here, just expected to tidy up after themselves andmdo homework to a decent standard. Plenty of time for chores once they are adults.

DD1 is 11 and DD2 is 9, almost 10, and both of them have chore charts.

Daily/every other day chores include;

• Bringing washing down, putting wash on, hanging wash out/on rads and putting clean washing away in their rooms.
• Dishwasher emptied and filled between them.
• Sweeping the floors downstairs (small house so only small living room, kitchen and tiny downstairs bathroom)
• Picking up the dog poo and washing the area down. (They begged for the dog and this was a condition of us getting her.)
• Recycling. (We have a community recycling centre over the road which we use.)
• Sort out own pack ups for school the night before.
• Feed and water the dog. (Dog doesn't only get food and water once a day as DH and I do this also.)
• Feeding the bearded dragons and leopard gecko.
• DD2 sorts and takes her own meds which she then ticks off on her medication chart. (she's been doing this for years with supervision but can now do it on her own which she's very proud of)

General weekly chores include;

• Keeping bedrooms relatively tidy/clean.
• Dusting once a week each in the living room.
• Vacuuming the stairs and landing.
• Bedding stripped and washed with new bedding put on.
• Feeding the snake.
• Taking out any rubbish to the bin (generally every other day ish)

We've done chore charts for years with them and they are now very used to it, although the daily chores sound like a lot it only takes them 15-20 between them as they generally split the chores between the both of them. I will say when we started to introduce the idea of chores there was some resistance from them but its like second nature now.