To ask what your 11/12 yo does around the house?

[tiredandnotfeelingveryblessed]

Ds1 has kicked off massively today. No one else at school has to do jobs around the house and no one else has to earn screen time. He's 12yo in y7. Currently he has to:

-keep his room tidy ish and put his laundry away
-do half of the dishwasher, unloading and loading
-lay the table for supper whilst it's being cooked and help clear the table afterwards
-brush the dog daily
-help out with other tasks when asked

The dishwasher and dog has to be done when he gets home from school, before he's allowed to go on a console or whatever.

Aibu?

2 kids aged 10 and 13:

Keep rooms tidyish
Do their own laundry
Put their dishes in the dishwasher
Strip beds

It’s a struggle and they need reminders. On the other hand, they are great at coming in and getting on with their homework without being asked.

Ds 11 year 7 has to strip bed once a week, make it up with clean linen except duvet cover.
Lay andclear table, and/or wash up and fill dish washer.
Tidy up after himself
Bring his washing down stairs
Make his lunch.
Other jobs as asked

He moans so badly that I threaten him with loss of screen time.

OP, YADNBU.
Strongly agree with pp comments about normalizing housework and giving children a little bit of responsibility in contributing to family life.
We are a team, we all eat, wear clothes etc so everyone contributes in an age appropriate way. Even the 2 year old brings the cutlery to the table and can put his plate away once he's finished eating.
These things don't ruin their childhood, it means that when they are older you don't become resentful when your grown adult children still expect to be waited on hand and foot.

It's an investment in their future.

DD is 12. She clears the table after dinner and sometimes does the washing up (not if there is too much as she isn't great at stacking it or doing the pots etc).

She hoovers and dusts the flat once a week or so to earn her £3 pocket money.

She is going to be learning to iron soon.

And my 11 yo does pretty much any job around the house, except for cleaning the bathroom and I don't mind because she's good with everything else.
That includes gardening and DIY...I tend to give her a few quid for that though as they are big jobs and she does them well.

11 and 8 year old here. Both have to keep their rooms tidy, make their beds in the morning, they put away their own clean laudry, they have packed lunch once a week and they get it ready themselves, occasionally dust and hoover their rooms, empty dishwasher, lay dinner table if we're all eating together, clear up after eating and load dishwasher, occasionally hoover downstairs also make them hoover stairs and landing quite often too because I hate doing it. Thinking of getting them to do a bit of cleaning in their bathroom too.

My seven year old sweeps and cleans her room everyday. She knows that everyone has to help in the house as the house belongs to everyone and its out responsibility to keep it tidy.

I don’t think any child ought to have daily domestic tasks to do on their return from school. I think DC need to be taught (a) to relax for a short while after the school day (b) to do their homework straight after relaxing.

I’m not in favour of DC having weekday domestic chores that extend beyond keeping their own bedrooms, bathrooms and belongings clean and tidy. Children should not be treated as general domestic labour in the term time.

No specific chores except feeding and cleaning out her gerbil. Everyone puts dirty clothes in their laundry boxes and keeps their own rooms tidyish. Couldn't cope with the dirty dishes under beds, and wet towels on floors malarkey that some parents report, but luckily none of mine have ever done that.

My 12yo DS does either setting the table, clearing or stacking the dishwasher (it rotates with his siblings monthly). He also takes the recycling out, brings his laundry down and puts clean clothes away. I also sometimes ask him to tidy/hoover/dust in the lounge. He's expected to make his packed lunch and generally be responsible for his school life. Next year he'll be ironing his school shirts. He can also do basic cooking and will often do his own lunch in the holidays.

My DS 12 does quite a lot but I also like to surprise him by sometimes doing his whole room for him if I know he's got homework. Because he is used to doing it himself he really appreciates it. He really enjoys cooking so will make him do that instead.
This thread has reminded me to teach him how to do new cleaning jobs eg how to mop etc. It seems obvious when you know how but the success of it often depends on the way I show him, ie if I approach it positively it's more likely to get done well.

There’s a TedTalk refereeing a study that shows the benefits of kids doing chores (8:30 onwards)
www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting/up-next?language=en#t-639746

Referencing not refereeing

YANBU, you’re teaching him about responsibility and it’s an important lesson.

My 9 yo DS has to feed and water the cat daily, keep his bedroom tidy, put his clean washing away and put dirty washing into the laundry basket and make sure his dirty dishes are in the dishwasher. Reasonable tasks imo.

Nearly identical for the child in my care:

-Make the bed/keep room tidy and clothes in washing basket
-Empty the dishwasher
-Set the table
-Another chore such as wiping down bathroom or hoovering the stairs, once a week

My same age DC has to:
Do the dishwasher
Sort dirty lunch box
Set and Clear table (all above daily)
Put dirty clothes in wash
Tidy room
Put away clean clothes
Polish shoes
Empty bins
(All above as needed/weekly)
The other week in a fit of hormones/end of term tiredness/annoyance at being pulled off the PlayStation I was also told it was unfair and no one in his year had so many jobs. I replied that was not Dobby the house elf and it was not my job to act as house skivvy and that in our family we all contribute to the housework. At which point he yelled, burst into angry tears (PlayStation rage) and told me he was "sick of doing my dirty work". I reminded him that during the time I'd been back from work (whilst he was on said PlayStation) I'd washed his sports gear, made lasagne, sorted out his judo club admin and swept the floor. I then banned him from the PlayStation for three days for yelling at me and being rude....
None of what we ask is physically demanding or complex, nor does it take much time. Household chores are a part of life. I am also a feminist so am buggered if I'm somehow thought of as default chore doer by virtue of having a uterus.

My 11 does pretty much nothing formally.

He helps clear the table or set it just as part of us all being around at meal times
Sometimes he asks to cook or help me cook

He puts his clothes in the laundry bin usually.

He’s a kid
He’s very thankful for all that we as parents do to run the house and he’s polite and helpful and never moans if asked to do something

My older kids also had no formal chores and are now perfectly capable and functioning teens.

Keep their rooms tidy. Put ironing away. Helps clear table after meals.

I don’t expect anything else. I had to do loads of chores growing up and I look back and feel quite angry about it, it was far too much. My kids know how to use the washing machine and sort a wash etc and they keep their surroundings tidy. Sometimes dd will hoover and polish just because she notices it needs doing. It’s enough for me.

My 12 year old empties dishwasher 2-3 times a week, clears the table, meant to tidy room but can allegedly only do it with me helping and change the sheet on her bed every 1-2 wks (i do the duvet and pillow case) she occassionally feeds the cat if prompted (by me - the cat meowing incessantly and jumping next to her when eating is not enough of a clue!) All tasks are accompanied with sighing and eye rolling.

Very little. Empties the dishwasher daily that’s about it. But he is getting better at looking after himself/school/homework/activity stuff and will cook a simple meal once a fortnight when the rest of the family are out until 8pm so we can all eat together when we get jn. I’d rather he get his head around his responsibilities than put away the laundry iyswim.

Mine are 9 and 11 and don't do much. If they want money for something specific they will do jobs to earn if (empty the dishwasher and feed the pets for eg)

They do empty out their lunch bags after school and put their washing away. They do a good job of keeping their bedrooms tidy without me having to ask.

My ds aged 11 hangs out all the laundry every day (family of 6.) He sets up the washing machine and turns it on every day.
He puts his own clothes away and generally packs up after himself. He does some unusual chores because we are rural & off grid, like starting the generator and emptying the wheelie bin.
He's actually a super helpful kid, always eager to help and regularly does things like mowing the lawns (we live on acres), chopping wood, sweeping the floors... some paid some not.

My teen is less naturally helpful but still everyday makes and packs lunches for her and her siblings, folds all the laundry, bakes /cooks at least weekly, is solely responsible for the cat (feeding, watering, litter, medicine...) If only she could keep her room clean!

They're also only allowed to play games on screens on weekends after jobs are done (Xbox, PlayStation, tablets, DS etc. We actually own a lot of screens!) They are allowed to watch tv/movies any day with permission. Removal of screens is #1 consequence, I'm super happy to disappear the screens at any opportunity!

Want to know what my 8 year old does?

wtaf? general domestic labour? ..... get a grip dear .. meanwhile back in the real world things require teamwork and understanding that will stand the kids in better stead for the future shared space = shared responsibility. I for one will not be providing the world with fully able men and women that can't look after themselves. lord help your future dil/sil

My DD is nearly 15, she walks the dog after school (originally her request) and keeps her room tidy. She will (without too much moaning) pop to the shop if I need something and mind/entertain her siblings if I'm trying to get something done.
I don't really have her do anything set.

Dh wasn't made to do chores as a child. He went straight from his parents' home to living with me. He was 23 and could barely cook beyond beans on toast, couldn't use a washing machine, iron etc. He didn't object to doing those things but had never been shown how to do them. After 20 years together he now cooks Mon-Fri, puts washing on, irons etc. We both work full time and he, along with the dc, know I'm not their housemaid. It's everyone's house and everyone's responsibility to join in with chores. I am adamant that my dc will be self sufficient when they leave home.