Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a load of old bollocks?

57 replies

KaleidoscopeEyes · 09/04/2019 15:00

Have had a furious row with OH today regarding housework.

I am SICK TO THE BACK TEETH of being the one in the house that's responsible for all the shit work, and this is one of those cyclical arguments that is never resolved.

So apparently in this particular episode, he has decided that I should do more in the house as I earn less than him? Is this a thing? I am LIVID.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 09/04/2019 15:03

You're married to an absolute prick, I'm afraid. Thankfully, you can remedy that.

NoSauce · 09/04/2019 15:05

WTF.
No it’s not a thing. Unless you’re a twat.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 09/04/2019 15:06

I had one of those OP. It did contribute to my list of reasons for applying for divorce.

Original poster
KaleidoscopeEyes · 09/04/2019 15:08

He's not a twat in every other way. Really not. But this is a massive sticking point, and I don't know how to make him understand what a huge effect it has on our relationship.

I suspect the earning thing came about because he's on the defensive, but it's no fucking excuse. I work full time, but because I'm on minimum wage, the lion's share of the housework falls to me? I don't think so!

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 09/04/2019 15:10

Seriously?

Do you work PT or FT?

How long have you been together? Kids?

ShakeYourTailFeathers · 09/04/2019 15:11

He gets to pay for the cleaner then, simple.

IncrediblySadToo · 09/04/2019 15:11

X post.

I see you do work FT but what about the other things?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/04/2019 15:13

If both people working- you share the work load.
Stop doing so much- let him learn the hard way.

Any children?

LittleLongDog · 09/04/2019 15:13

If you both work full time you should both split housework equally.

It’s to do with who has the time, not who has the money (unless he wants to hire a cleaner?).

NoFancyUserName · 09/04/2019 15:15

Wow.... Just wow
The fact he said it, shows he's been thinking it

IceRebel · 09/04/2019 15:16

He's not a twat in every other way.

If he thinks that you earning less means you should do more housework, then I can guarantee that he has other twattish thoughts and beliefs.

Original poster
KaleidoscopeEyes · 09/04/2019 15:17

I work on average 40 hours a week, including unsocial hours and nights. He works about 60.

We have 4 dc between us, 2 at uni and away from home, and 2 teenagers at home, we split care 50/50 with other parents.

One week in 2, we have no kids in the house.

He says because the pressure is on him to pay for luxuries ( and by that I mean tickets for shows, gigs, meals out occasionally) that it's only fair that the bulk of the housework falls to me.

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 09/04/2019 15:18

Does he think that because you earn less than him he's entitled to treat you like some sort of lowly servant.

Bloody hell.

LetsDialDownTheIanPaisley · 09/04/2019 15:19

Do you have any children together ?

Original poster
KaleidoscopeEyes · 09/04/2019 15:20

We can't afford a cleaner. I haven't even had a holiday abroad since 1991! Money is tight at the best of times.

I'm a huge feminist, generally speaking, he is on board with me. I cant help feeling that this has more to do with me having a vagina than earning potential. That's what's really pissed me off. Like a pp said, he's obviously thought this all along.

OP posts:
mrsm43s · 09/04/2019 15:20

If he does 60 hours and you do 40 hours, then yes, you should do more housework than him because you work less hours (nothing to do with how much you're paid.)

That said, working 100 hours a week between you, I think you should get a cleaner.

TowelNumber42 · 09/04/2019 15:21

Just stop doing it. It only falls to you if you lay yourself out as the safety net.

Original poster
KaleidoscopeEyes · 09/04/2019 15:21

I've said today, so if I get a higher paying job, all the housework would get split fairly then?? Because it won't, and we all know it.

OP posts:
Butterflyone1 · 09/04/2019 15:21

If you both work full time then I don't see why you should do more house work just because you earn less.

If he earns lots more then he could pay for a cleaner - simples!

Do you split the household bills 50/50? If you earn less then surely you shouldn't pay 50/50.

Just go take a break, have a cuppa tea and breath...

NoFancyUserName · 09/04/2019 15:22

He says because the pressure is on him to 0pay for luxuries ( and by that I mean tickets for shows, gigs, meals out occasionally) that it's only fair that the bulk of the housework falls to me.

Jesus Christ, it gets better
The pressure of having to fund a bit of fun every now and then. The poor love! He ought to get to his GP and be signed off with the stress of it all

NoSauce · 09/04/2019 15:22

Sorry but he is a twat OP.

Claw01 · 09/04/2019 15:22

He earns more than you, so you have to make up the wage difference by being his cleaner! Hmm Confused

Original poster
KaleidoscopeEyes · 09/04/2019 15:22

No, none together. Thank fuck, because I can see how that would end up!

OP posts:
outpinked · 09/04/2019 15:23

If he earns so much, he should employ a cleaner. He sounds like a prized prick. You both work FT so cleaning should be split down the middle.

mrsm43s · 09/04/2019 15:23

Sorry, cross posted about the cleaner.

But yes, if you have more free time, then you should do a bit more housework.

If there's no children in the house one week in two, then surely there's not much to be done on those weeks?

Check out the organised Mum method, and split that perhaps 3 days you and 2 days him. And then maybe you do the food shopping and one of you cooks and one washes up/clears away.

Swipe left for the next trending thread