Aibu - to want to get to 8 stone

[user1471514421]

Hi all

Hi everyone

I have recently joined mumsnet, received great advice on another thread, so thought I would get your thoughts on something else that is bothering me.

Before I had my children I embarked on a healthy eating regime, eating well and exercise to prepare my body as such.i was 10st 3lbs. My weight was approx 9st 3lbs when I fell pregnant, I am 5ft 4. I had 2babies 14months apart, the eldest just turned 3.

Following each birth i was, looking back, probably obsessed with getting my weight down and back to 'normal'. I am now 8st 6lbs, am still not happy and feel now my ideal weight would be 8st, this is the target.

However, I am not sure if I am on a route to something else here. I find I think frequently about my weight and am prone, to what I have now discovered is body checking, particularly my hip bones, throughout the day.

Am I headed in the wrong direction or is this a normal weight loss goal?

I noticed similar patterns when I lost a lot of weight a few years ago. The weight I got to was not unhealthy at all, but my eating patterns and the way I thought about myself were. I have no idea how I snapped out of it but I slowly did and regained some weight, then lost some again but with a very different mindset. But the extreme dieting previously had already taken its toll on my fertility, it took me 18 months to concieve with irregular periods throughout. I'm now pregnant and although I feel over the moon looking down at and feeling my bump, when I look in the mirror some of those unhealthy thoughts return, and I wonder if I'll ever be free.

I'm pretty obsessed with my weight. 5ft 3" very small build. I've been anything from 7 stone to 9 stone. I'm happiest at 7st 10 my DH prefers me at 8st plus.

I used to weigh myself every day. I think it all started when I was competing in long distance running. I was so slight but the coach used to mock me for having a big bum 😬

I'm better now although I rarely look at myself and think I look slim enough.

My DH took a photo of me in my bikini last year and for the first time ever I thought I looked too skinny.

It does sound worrying to me. I spent a few years like this. Never got any official help with it so I can’t give advice on that, I just gradually became more healthy in my thinking. I HAD to be below 8 stone at all times and I am fairly tall so it was probably easier for people around me to spot. Your mom has obviously spotted something which is worrying her. She wouldn’t be likely to say it for no reason would she, it’s not like she’d try to sabotage your healthy weight loss! I would exercise until I passed out and attempt to outdo previous lengths of time without food. I also secretly felt that I was in competition with other people and that I was somehow better than them for being able to resist the allure of food while they didn’t. Do you ever have thoughts like that? I was deeply unhappy at the time and it gave me a warped sense of pride. The way you have plucked the number 8 seemingly out of thin air is similar to what I did. The number just got lower and lower. Listen to your mom! And get some help :( focus less on weight and more on how you’re feeling.

Handletree I'm sorry you had a difficult time and glad you are on the other side.

I am very ashamed to say that I do have those thoughts, so awful

Well I think you know the answer really, don’t you. I know you said you are anxious about giving this up, but I’m afraid that you never ‘win’, the goal just becomes more and more extreme. There is never a point at which you feel happy that you’ve reached the end point. It became so much about control and consumed my thoughts a lot. Perhaps a good first step would be to speak to your husband/partner and let them know what’s going on. They will be able to keep an eye on you and it’s less scary than initially speaking to a doctor.

Thank you all so much for your advice

Go for it. The BMI chart is flawed, so use your common sense instead.

Op I haven’t read all the replies cps I’m off out and wanted to tell you, I have an Ed that comes and goes and this sounds like me when I’m poorly. Exactly like me!

User I know it seems scary to get advice because then you think you'll have to give up the very thing that is (to you) helping you but it isn't, it's the early stages of becoming possibly very ill and out of control which if it comes to that makes all the positive elements vanish only to be replaced with horrible darkness, it then similarly to addiction becomes a war with yourself that you can never win.

All I'm suggesting is to contact a professional for a chat for now, just so you can talk to someone who you can share the whole story with and get a true answer from someone who's job it is to advise on exactly this (because obviously you can't on a public forum) then you can decide from there.

Either way I'm glad you started this thread and I hope it's being useful to you.

TheDarkPassenger when you say it comes and goes, what do you mean?