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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - to want to get to 8 stone

85 replies

user1471514421 · 09/04/2019 14:38

Hi all

Hi everyone

I have recently joined mumsnet, received great advice on another thread, so thought I would get your thoughts on something else that is bothering me.

Before I had my children I embarked on a healthy eating regime, eating well and exercise to prepare my body as such.i was 10st 3lbs. My weight was approx 9st 3lbs when I fell pregnant, I am 5ft 4. I had 2babies 14months apart, the eldest just turned 3.

Following each birth i was, looking back, probably obsessed with getting my weight down and back to 'normal'. I am now 8st 6lbs, am still not happy and feel now my ideal weight would be 8st, this is the target.

However, I am not sure if I am on a route to something else here. I find I think frequently about my weight and am prone, to what I have now discovered is body checking, particularly my hip bones, throughout the day.

Am I headed in the wrong direction or is this a normal weight loss goal?

OP posts:
Home77 · 09/04/2019 18:32

Problem is may be others with eating disorders on here too.

AuntMarch · 09/04/2019 18:33

BMI is outdated, it's a healthy body fat percentage we should be aiming for, but as a starting point it can be useful for setting an initial target. I'd go for half way between the middle and lower end of the "normal" bracket- and be happy to fluctuate between the two, while I worked on the body fat %.

Someone at 8st can have a higher BF% than someone at 9st.

If the number on the scale is more important than health, then you are on a dangerous slope and I would recommend talking to a health and fitness professional - doctors aren't great with nutrition and fitness!

Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/04/2019 18:33

BlackPrism, I understand what you are saying, that's what I have been doing so far. How do you over come that drive to want that?

OP posts:
DropZoneOne · 09/04/2019 18:34

I'm 5 foot 4, 8 stone is underweight!

I think you are focusing on tbe scales rather than your body shape. You can be 8 stone with a wobbly tum (but gaunt everywhere else), or 8.5 stone but toned and slim.

This is not a reasonable goal, especially as it is not a weight you have recently been, more an arbitrary "round number", and sounds like eating disorder territory.

Quartz2208 · 09/04/2019 18:35

what are you still not happy with = it seems that you have focused on a weight as if being that weight will make you happy. Whereas that is often not the case - you reach that weight still realise you arent happy and so the cycle continues.

Because the weight is something you can control - something you have power over to achieve so you think if you do that you will be happy.

Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/04/2019 18:39

Quartz2208 yes there is elements of that thinking I will be happy. I think if I can get to this weight by such and such time, might be an event or going somewhere, I will be content.

To a certain extent, I am like this as a person, always striving for something, moving from one project to another

OP posts:
TheDogsMother · 09/04/2019 18:41

I remember from a previous thread that there was a real range of weights for a specific height and I really think it depends on your build. I'm 5,3 and at 9 stone am overweight and uncomfortable (think two significant spare tyres). My ideal but not underweight is 8 to 8.2 but I'm very short in the body so it all piles on there. The divorce diet took me down to 7,8 and I looked awful. The concern for me is that you are thinking about it a lot though and may have become fixated on a specific weight rather than how you look and feel ?

Quartz2208 · 09/04/2019 18:45

So what it is about being that weight that you think will make you happy - because Im afraid OP its rarely true that getting to the weight IS what makes you happy

So what are you striving for - what are you wanting to do outside of this?

Are you working at the moment for example or is this your project

Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/04/2019 19:00

Quartz2208 yes I work full time, have 2 small babies, busy

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityyhat · 09/04/2019 19:06

You've said it all in your op. You are heading into very dangerous waters. Please don't ask posters on Mumsnet to say 8 stone at 5'4" is fine (because many of the most dedicated dieters and exercisers will do that as well as lecturing us all on losing sight of what normal looks like) - you know you are being irrational. Please don't go another step down this road. Your family want you to be happy and healthy because they adore you.

UnusualBluePenguin · 09/04/2019 19:06

You sound obsessed with your weight in an unhealthy way. I would throw out the scales right now and aim to end this destructive thought pattern.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 09/04/2019 19:08

FFS at people not being able to read the nuances in a post.

Dishwashersaurous · 09/04/2019 19:28

What do you mean checking your hip bones? What exactly are you doing?

But seriously with small children and a job you shouldn’t really have time or headspace to be obsessing about your weight.

Irrespective of what you weigh giving this so much mental energy and time is not healthy

Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/04/2019 19:55

bibbitybobbityyhat not sure what you mean?

Dishwashersaurous, this is ridiculous as I type it buy feeling my hip bone, it is prominent

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 09/04/2019 20:13

I see so juggling it all is busy and stressful and can make you feel out of control - your weight is something that you can and you hold onto as a beacon that if you weigh a certain amount and look a certain way you will be happy

vegpatch · 09/04/2019 20:17

I'm 5'4, have suffered with eating disorders, and at 8 stone 3 my periods stopped and my hair fell out :(
I do the hip checking thing too, and think about my weight constantly. For me, these things are definitely symptoms of ED.

Home77 · 09/04/2019 20:17

I have tried signposting the OP to a eating disorder helping and telling them it isn't right but others keep comparing and saying things like above which isn't very helpful.

OP the checking etc is signs of anorexia, please can you get help elsewhere.

Home77 · 09/04/2019 20:18

Sorry not you, veg I meant the others.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 09/04/2019 20:24

User the number isn't important at the moment. If anything it's confusing the situation because if your in your bmi you can magic away any doubts around your thoughts and behaviours!

You are developing unhealthy obsessive thoughts (just a bit more, or X weight and then il be happy) and rituals (like the hipbone touching) which are a massive red flag that your weight loss is tipping into something else and that needs looking at.

The great thing is you have recognised that and also that you are listening to the fact that they are in fact possibly warning signs which means you can address this early before it gets completely out of control.

Have you got anyone in rl you can get support from? Have you thought about going to the gp or contacting an organisation for a chat or some advice?

Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/04/2019 20:29

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom you are right about the BMI, I do rationalise to say I am a healthy weight so no issue.

To seek support, I would be reluctant, if I am being honest, the thought of giving this up makes me anxious

OP posts:
vegpatch · 09/04/2019 20:31

Home77, I totally agree with you. When my ED is at its worst a comment like 'I'm your height and weigh 8 stone' would push me over the edge. The last thing OP needs is to start comparing weight with other people. I have had periods of hyper focussing on celeb weights/ weight of people I know and those become my new goal.
OP, I'm not saying you definitely have an ED, but I recognise the way you are talking about yourself and feeling that you will be happy at a certain weight.
I have spent most of my adult life as a 'work in progress', feeling like I will be happy and my real life will start when I hit xxx weight. It's utter bullshit. There is no weight that will make me happy, because weight is not the issue.
You have spotted that this is problematic, and I think You are right...get done help and support now lovely, because EDs rob you of so much in life. Xx

vegpatch · 09/04/2019 20:31
  • some help
interestingname · 09/04/2019 20:43

I lost 5 stone and was 8 stone 4 pounds at 5'5''.

I still wanted to lose more weight and truth be told, looking back now it really didn't suit me. I looked tired and gaunt and I was obsessive and hangry a lot!

I've put on quite a bit of weight since and I'm in the process of getting it off again - but this time I'm trying to be more realistic about it. I definitely think I had an eating disorder at the time, I was so fixated on the scales and what I was and wasn't eating that I was unhappy (something I didn't realise until I put on a few pounds and was much happier, although a little pudgier).

Well done on eating well and doing exercise - just make sure you're happy :) I just know for me that I was so focused on the scales that I actually wasn't enjoying my life! When I finally realised my partner still loved me with a couple of pounds on and I was able to share a takeaway or a pizza with him and not obsess, I was a lot happier :)

mynameiscalypso · 09/04/2019 20:47

Your comment about feeling anxious about giving it up rings real alarm bells for me. This is a shitty shitty slope and it doesn't lead anywhere good at all.

Topttumps · 09/04/2019 20:49

chow the range for 5ft 4 is 7 stone 10 to 10 stone 6 so even 8 stone 6 is nearer the lower end than centre.