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AIBU?

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Original poster

4 children with 4 different mothers

135 replies

MrsA111alone · 09/04/2019 09:07

Hi,
I have been married for just over a year and have known my dh for just over two years
When we met he told me he had three children with three different women, all of whom he did not know about until they were over the age of 6. He is close to his eldest who now has kids of his own, his middle girl does not like him and his youngest calls him for money and when she needs help. He told me about another child that was born with another women that he was present for the birth for but the relationship did not last and he was told that the child was not his.
Fast forward 15 years and the mother of this child contacted my th to say that her daughter wanted to speak to him. He immediately messages her and she replied saying she wanted to meet her biological dad. He is now v excited about this and has barely told me about the co conversations they have had. Apparently the man who was living with them both as family believing he was the dad left when the mum said the girl w as not his.
M y relationship with my husband is already at a low as he has taken offence to me being friends with my ex during the beginning of our relationship. He believes that I must have cheated on him. I did not. Live has been pretty bad due to this.
I have two children both have the same dad from a 15 year relationship. Their dad is ok and we get on fine.
I don't know if this can now work, with the pressure he has put me under about my ex, and now how excited he is to have 4 children with four women. I am scared to not be with him as I waited 40 years to get married and feel that I should make it work.
Is it unreasonable to be upset aboutthis?
Any advice would be greatly received
Thank you for reading this

OP posts:
nrpmum · 09/04/2019 12:45

My ex-husband's friends tell everyone that'll listen I had 8 affairs, and that is what ended our marriage. I did not have 1 affair. He, on the other hand, was soliciting gay sex on hookup sites and swinging sites and was having sex with his male childhood friend. So what you hear from others may be a product of his lies to them.

Get a solicitor, get back to your home, and get rid. He is playing you, and if you hang around too long he will be entitled to your money too.

Nearlythere1 · 09/04/2019 12:49

So he was at the birth of this fourth child, then left and another man brought her up and walked out when he eventually learned she wasn't his, and now your husband is surprised she is his, when he was at her birth? This is all sorts of weird.

teletubbies123 · 09/04/2019 12:52

The only good thing that has come out of this is that you have kept the children out of it. If you are not living together then he is obviously playing away. He doesn't sound like a loyal person and eventually you may catch something from him.

You are at the wrong time of your life to be fucking about like this and I am not surprised that your friends fucked you off. People don't have time to watch you ruin your life.

JinglingHellsBells · 09/04/2019 12:55

If you are not living together then he is obviously playing away

@teletubbies123

have you read any of this? AFAK they are living together. The are married.

JinglingHellsBells · 09/04/2019 12:58

OP Where are you living? You say your kids are not living with him, you are not in his house, but your house is rented/ loaned to your family.

So are you renting? Have you split up from him? Or are your kids with your ex?

teletubbies123 · 09/04/2019 13:04

MrsA111alone Tue 09-Apr-19 11:02:17

Forgot to mention my children and I are currently not living at his house, I keep my children out of the whole mess. They are unaware of the whole situation.

RTFT

MitziK · 09/04/2019 13:08

The one reason I could think of that four successive women would tell the same man that a child wasn't his or 'not tell him' at all was that he had become violent.

His anger at you being friends with your ex and the subsequent loss of friends, taking a lower paid job and the 'everybody loves him/he would do anything for anybody/he was used by women', plus two marriages ending in about a year and marrying you within such a very short time adds further weight to the idea that you've actually been used by a very adept abuser, especially as your friends seem to be as one very against the idea of you marrying him - so not everybody loves him, he eliminates those who see through his persona.

AcrossthePond55 · 09/04/2019 13:17

You and your DCs are not living with this man? Good, that's the hard part done then. Now all that's left is to see a solicitor and get this mess straightened out legally.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

poorbuthappy · 09/04/2019 13:20

@MrsA111alone - this sounds like my ex, right down to the business / money etc.
Has he spent a lot of time abroad?

JinglingHellsBells · 09/04/2019 13:35

Yes @teletubbies123 I did amend my post so you too RTFT!

So, OP where are you living?

You are separated, right? If you are not living with him and neither are your children, you are separated?

AyeitstheCaddy · 09/04/2019 13:39

He might have provided the genetic material for 4 kids but it doesn’t sound as if he’s been a proper father to them.

By the way is it his friends telling you that he should shag someone else or your “H” reporting this to you?

Good luck OP, I think you’re going to need it.

Original poster
MrsA111alone · 09/04/2019 13:41

@poorbuthappy
Before I met him he did. But mainly was in the UK.
I am not sure if I would be surprised if it was the same person!!

OP posts:
Myheartbelongsto · 09/04/2019 13:42

Plenty of women have two, three, four kids to different men!

scarbados · 09/04/2019 13:44

I am scared to not be with him as I waited 40 years to get married

Please read this back to yourself several times. Nothing more to say.

lifebegins50 · 09/04/2019 13:46

Hooking up with this man has made your life drama filled..it will drain you and deplete all the energy you would normally have to go towards your children and work.

Past behaviour is an indicator for future behaviour.
I assume that you don't live together with your children because you don't feel "safe" with him. Why did you get married?

Cherrysoup · 09/04/2019 13:46

Jeremy Kyle, chavtastic.

Original poster
MrsA111alone · 09/04/2019 13:46

I do not live with him at the moment, I live with my children in our house where my relative also lives.
I still see my husband, although he is very busy. Now of course he spends a lot of time on his phone.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 09/04/2019 13:48

So you and the kids have never lived with him as a family? So why did you marry him? How old are you children? I don't understand how you can have a relationship serious enough to marry someone but your kids not be involved unless they're living elsewhere all the time

SleepingStandingUp · 09/04/2019 13:49

he has taken offence to me being friends with my ex during the beginning of our relationship. He believes that I must have cheated on him. I did not. Live has been pretty bad due to this
Tbh this is reason enough to ltb

Zuma76 · 09/04/2019 13:55

I’m really sorry you have found yourself in this pickle OP. He obviously has the gift of the gab as he has persuaded 4 women into relationships long enough to have children plus two ex wives plus you. Despite everything you already knew about him, you fell for him. I agree with pp though who say that his back story sounds fishy and the fact he married you after such a short period of time and is now too busy to be worried that you don’t live with him. He sounds abusive. Please pick up the phone to your friends and ask them for support. You need to speak to someone you know and who knows this man and get some perspective. A lot of MNettters will make assumptions about him and you from what you have posted but we have no idea. Speak to someone who does. Your friends will help you if you give them a chance.

Pianobook · 09/04/2019 14:10

I don’t think you can trust a word he says.

I dont think everyone loves him if your friends saw through him and now don’t have anything to do with you.

And I don’t think you can trust what his ‘hundreds of friends’ say.

Why do you think all these women didn’t tell him or lied about the babies he was producing? It’s not adding up.

teletubbies123 · 09/04/2019 14:16

Do you think he is being faithful to you?

poorbuthappy · 09/04/2019 14:32

@MrsA111alone - let me know if you want to continue this conversation privately.

blackteasplease · 09/04/2019 14:47

Plenty of women have two, three, four kids to different men!

^^
They usually bring them up though!

blackteasplease · 09/04/2019 14:47

OP I agree with what others habe said. It's good that you aren't living there. Now get a solicitor and sort out the legal stuff - to get a divorce and separate finances I mean!

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