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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be pissed off DH has been reading my MN posts?

102 replies

SadOtter · 07/04/2019 23:33

and that I found this out when we were arguing earlier and he decided to quote me (argument was coz he's quit his job without talking to me, no back up plan, just quit. We were already struggling to make ends meet).

Thing is the post he quoted was weeks ago, it was a pretty throw away, life is too short type post, and he's admitted he was actively checking what I was talking to people about! I haven't actually posted anything I mind him reading but at the same time it feels like an invasion of privacy.

Add in that he also commented on me looking at houses on rightmove which he's decided clearly means I am planning to leave (I'm not, my class were looking at houses and I needed floor plans to use as examples). He has told me he checks my internet history. I haven't actually got anything to hide but why is he even checking what I do online? He checks my phone too, I've caught him a couple of times.

His argument is I check DD's devices, which yeah ok, I do but she is 10, that's not the same thing!

I've not name changed btw, because actually if I'm wrong I will apologise to him and if not, well, maybe next time he snoops he needs to see the replies...

OP posts:
pilates · 08/04/2019 07:36

Op, he has too much time on his hand to take the trouble to check up on you all the time. Weird, yes you Mr SadOtter!

RhiWrites · 08/04/2019 07:38

If he’s actually worried you might be planning to leave him, wouldn’t he be in real distress? Does he actually think that or was he randomly hurling accusations about?

Walkaround · 08/04/2019 07:38

Well, if he's recently jobless and you've just finished a degree, started a masters, got a new job and new friends, it sounds like you're making him feel inadequate and insecure, and he's checking you're not telling the world what a useless tosser he is (or actively looking for/having an affair with someone "better").

GCAcademic · 08/04/2019 07:39

I don't really think it's an invasion of privacy because this is a public forum and you've told him your username

It’s not clear to me whether she told him her username or whether he found it out through her browsing history?

Walkaround · 08/04/2019 07:41

Ps no, his behaviour is not remotely acceptable. It's a gross invasion of privacy and paranoid.

Ameanstreakamilewide · 08/04/2019 07:44

He's got too much time on his hands and now you know why.

SnapesGreasyHair · 08/04/2019 07:47

So what is he actually doing about his job situation?

Whilst you're at work and he is home I'm guessing he has taken on ALL of the household tasks?

CupoTeap · 08/04/2019 07:49

Wow so he's scared your now too clever and successful for him and has decided to help you to realise what a twat he is?

Dillydallyalltheway · 08/04/2019 07:50

hi Mr Sadotter. Just a quick note to say that you are acting like a child and if you carry on like this then you risk the chance that Mrs sadotter will get so pissed off with you that it will affect your marriage and relationship.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 08/04/2019 07:52

LTB

Livingoncake · 08/04/2019 07:55

Hi Mr Sadotter!

Why are you checking your wife’s internet history? What are you planning to do if you come across something you don’t like?

Are you scared she’ll leave you? Because I can guarantee that you’re already a hell of a lot less attractive to her now that you’re being a controlling douchebag.

anamehangeaday · 08/04/2019 07:55

.

Singlenotsingle · 08/04/2019 07:58

He's bored, and with too much time on his hands. Tell him to spend more time looking for a job, and less time snooping into things that don't concern him

Vulpine · 08/04/2019 08:04

Next he'll be installing cameras in all the rooms to keep an eye on you and putting a tracker on your car. He's not acting like a child, he's actng like a controlling narcissistic sociopath a la dirty john!

SandyY2K · 08/04/2019 08:09

It sounds like he feels inferior following your recent academic success and you've gone on to further develop with the masters.

He on the other hand, has what I would guess was a low skilled job, which he just quit. Professionals in skilled roles don't just walk out of a job without serving their notice period.

He could be scared you'll leave him for someone who is of a similar academic and has a job.

I do get what some pp are saying about it being acceptable the other way round though. People snoop if they are suspicious. Your OH is probably suspicious because he sees you developing in a way he hasn't and it's lead to jealousy and insecurity.

After all if he's not earning..
He's not a SAHD, what is he doing.

A responsible person does not quit a job on the spot, without careful consideration about the financial implications of supporting their family.

peachsquish · 08/04/2019 08:12

Weird and controlling

TixieLix · 08/04/2019 08:14

All devices should be password protected in case they get mislaid or lost. If he knows your passwords then change them. If you share a computer at home then create separate user log ins and password protect your own.

MrsBobDylan · 08/04/2019 08:19

Checking up on you is really bad but quitting his job without a good reason is unforgivable.

Will he be able to find another easily? How will you cope financially?

buzzbobbly · 08/04/2019 08:53

Ugh, please STOP with all the caveating...

"I haven't actually posted anything I mind him reading..."
"I haven't actually got anything to hide..."

You don't need to have anything to hide or not to expect a basic level of privacy and respect. He sounds horrible.

MitziK · 08/04/2019 09:07

GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB
GET A JOB

Billben · 08/04/2019 09:09

it sounds like you're making him feel inadequate and insecure,

OP is doing no such thing. If he feels inadequate and insecure, that’s all him.

Billben · 08/04/2019 09:11

Are you sure he just walked out of a job and wasn’t sacked? What sane person with responsibilities does that?

Sagradafamiliar · 08/04/2019 10:15

You're being far too successful in your life OP, the childish one has decided you need a bit more stress to contend with so now you have to worry about your family's future security, and pay him some more attention as you cajole him into trusting and respecting you and soothing his insecurities and talk him into getting another job.

Hearhere · 08/04/2019 10:37

It is a very telling that he justifies his surveillance of you by comparing you to a child who is supervised by a parent
He thinks that compared to him you are a mere child
he's not very intelligent is he

GirlcalledJack · 08/04/2019 10:44

Quite honestly I would say it’s time to think really long and hard about how happy you really are in this marriage tbh.

He sounds pretty horrible and very controlling.