to be pissed off DH has been reading my MN posts?

[SadOtter]

and that I found this out when we were arguing earlier and he decided to quote me (argument was coz he's quit his job without talking to me, no back up plan, just quit. We were already struggling to make ends meet).

Thing is the post he quoted was weeks ago, it was a pretty throw away, life is too short type post, and he's admitted he was actively checking what I was talking to people about! I haven't actually posted anything I mind him reading but at the same time it feels like an invasion of privacy.

Add in that he also commented on me looking at houses on rightmove which he's decided clearly means I am planning to leave (I'm not, my class were looking at houses and I needed floor plans to use as examples). He has told me he checks my internet history. I haven't actually got anything to hide but why is he even checking what I do online? He checks my phone too, I've caught him a couple of times.

His argument is I check DD's devices, which yeah ok, I do but she is 10, that's not the same thing!

I've not name changed btw, because actually if I'm wrong I will apologise to him and if not, well, maybe next time he snoops he needs to see the replies...

He's up to something and is trying to catch you out so he can use it as an excuse to deflect any blame onto you and make out it's all your fault.

If he's possibly jealous, is he trying to get your attention in some sort of childish way maybe?

following on from what Gamerchick said I can see it's kind of darvo manoeuvre, he's the one that's done something wrong but he's implying that you're in the wrong and therefore need to be spied on
That's my reading of it

LTB .

@gamerchick That is a very good point. I can't believe I fell for that!

Well hello mr sadother

I don’t think it’s right that someone is checking your posts, and to compare to DD seems silly as you’re safeguarding her.

You know, OP, my late husband was a wonderful man. He was kind, considerate and would have done anything for me, but I honestly would never look at him in the same way, if he invaded my privacy like this. It would feel as if he had read my diary.

Mr Sadotter, you’re a sad tosser.

Sorry typo mr sadotter

Has he always had poor impulse control? No. Only recently. He is a bit of a dick in general lately.

is he trying to get your attention in some sort of childish way maybe? Maybe, its a pretty shit way if that's what he's doing though. I mean asking how my day was or offering me a cuppa would work better.

Well I would be fuming but maybe he has a gut feeling you are cheating in which case according to MN snooping is exactly the correct thing to do.

One the one hand, it's a really shitty thing to do. On the other hand, anyone can read what you publically post on the internet, so be careful.

I'd go nuts. My phone isn't just about my privacy, it means everyone I've had a conversation with, their privacy is being invaded too. I talk to my friends on my phone, the things they tell me, they tell ME. Not at all acceptable behaviour from someone that's supposed to be an adult.

He sounds very controlling and it would be a red flag for me, does he think you are his possession to keep tabs on? Maybe he is threatened by all your achievements over the last year and it's made him paranoid

Did his parents check up on him?

My ex used to sneak around reading stuff and once shouted “I’ve seen your phone logs!” at me although I have no idea what it meant!

He came from a very controlling family and his mother used to read all his mail etc. She read mine when she visited, anything she could find. Ex thought this was normal.

Mr Sadotter - instead of wasting your time reading your wife’s messages can we suggest you run her a bath occasionally, buy her a thoughtful gift, let her chose the tv, listen to her stories, so bedtime, take her out somewhere she likes, you know nice normal things people who like each other do?

Now be a good boy and pop the kettle on

Did his parents check up on him? I don't know, I've never asked. MIL is nosy though and does call far more often than is normal (2-3 times a day) so yeah, probably.

This is controlling behaviour. He's a dickhead. My partner checked my phone once at the start of our relationship. I'm like you, I had nothing to hide but felt like it was a massive invasion of privacy. I told him that I'd leave him if he ever did it again and I meant it. 5 years later he's not done it since.

Are you absolutely sure he quit his job and wasn't sacked?

2 or 3 times a day? What on earth for? I assume she speaks to him each time and not interrupt your day?

Then yeah, he probably thinks it’s normal.

Ex once got told by a stranger in a queue at Disney to stop reading my phone 😁. I was texting with my sister and he read it over my shoulder and told me off dornsaykng there was a long queue. Man behind him told him he shouldn’t be reading my messages!

It did make him stop reading them overtly, he resorted to secrecy after that 🙄.

This is massive red flag abusive behaviour territory. Not a joke at all. I really hope he doesn't actually see this because you could actually seriously be in danger.

@GreenTulips to be fair to her she phones his mobile unless she actually needs to talk to me

@BadPenny He says he quit.

@Twistin. Thanks for worrying but I'm not in any danger whether he reads this or not.

Make sure this is in your viewing history for him to enjoy.

Its either sinister and controlling or he's up to dodgy shit himself. You are not his child why does he think of his wife that way?

@JaneJeffer, I've just bookmarked it for him, I love it, thank you.