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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be pissed off DH has been reading my MN posts?

102 replies

SadOtter · 07/04/2019 23:33

and that I found this out when we were arguing earlier and he decided to quote me (argument was coz he's quit his job without talking to me, no back up plan, just quit. We were already struggling to make ends meet).

Thing is the post he quoted was weeks ago, it was a pretty throw away, life is too short type post, and he's admitted he was actively checking what I was talking to people about! I haven't actually posted anything I mind him reading but at the same time it feels like an invasion of privacy.

Add in that he also commented on me looking at houses on rightmove which he's decided clearly means I am planning to leave (I'm not, my class were looking at houses and I needed floor plans to use as examples). He has told me he checks my internet history. I haven't actually got anything to hide but why is he even checking what I do online? He checks my phone too, I've caught him a couple of times.

His argument is I check DD's devices, which yeah ok, I do but she is 10, that's not the same thing!

I've not name changed btw, because actually if I'm wrong I will apologise to him and if not, well, maybe next time he snoops he needs to see the replies...

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 08/04/2019 01:04

Tell him you are TEN year old DD’s DM. You are NOT 10 & HE is NOT your Dad.

Then tell him he needs to grow the fuck up. You have joint responsibilities & a child to think of. You were barely making ends meet before, it’s fucking ridiculous to resign before you have another job to go to. Idiot.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 08/04/2019 03:53

Interesting replies here since pretty much the majority of MN has no problems with a woman checking a man’s history and invading his privacy.

After all, if you have nothing to hide and he has suspicions what’s the issue Hmm

Oh wait, it turns out invading someone’s privacy regardless of the reason is unacceptable.

BloodsportForAll · 08/04/2019 04:02

Nobody has the right to check anyone else's phone/ internet history/ emails/ texts/ personal letters or whatever.

Gender, class, race, etc - if it's not your ten year old child's phone then it's none of your business.

It grieves me that any adult feels they have the right to check private things which don't belong to them, or generally check up on someone else who isn't a vulnerable child learning to navigate social media etc.

I do hope he sees this. Feel ashamed, you idiot.

Ferii · 08/04/2019 04:15

The guy is an insecure tosser with no regard for anyone but himself. Who just quits their job on impulse?! He clearly has a lot of trust issues, which you're not responsible for fixing or causing. He needs to give himself a good shake and sort his life out otherwise I'd be off! Checking up on you is absolutely not ok. Change all your passwords, set some ground rules, get him a therapist and set goals of how he needs to sort himself out. If he breaches the agreement then leave, this is the thin end of the wedge and he'll only get worse.

ThisIsNotMyRealName1 · 08/04/2019 04:27

Jeeze, what a weirdo. Is he a short man?

Peopleshouldread · 08/04/2019 04:31

He's out of order, bored and obviously feeling crap about himself so he's trying to deflect this onto you.And "put you in your place" which seems to be on par with your 10 year old.
Hi Mr Sadotter. Get a job.

But you could also have lots of fun with him here.
Change all your passwords, finger print only and make a password like "Piss off sweetheart " with numbers substituting for letters. Rename the Wi-fi connection to " My husband is a snooping arse" , " My husband needs to get a job" or something to that effect.
Either google the dodgiest most paranoia inducing stuff you can think of ( like spy cameras, phone tapping devices , bondage equipment , self help books clearly aimed at him etc), or clear your search history all the time. Make him as uncomfortable about it as you are.

What a knob.

Bemusedagain · 08/04/2019 04:37

He’s weird and he’s wrong. He needs to get off his lazy arse and go get a job

TheSassyAssassin · 08/04/2019 04:47

She is your wife, your partner, your equal. She is NOT your possession. Now grow the fuck up otherwise you'll be reading all about your divorce proceedings on here! HTH!

Sally2791 · 08/04/2019 04:49

He sounds sad and insecure. Probably made worse comparing himself to your success. Not ok to be checking on you, and you need a serious conversation about him finding work

LiliesAndChocolate · 08/04/2019 05:22

At the same time, didn't you know nothing is private on the internet? I always tell my kids never to write anything they wouldn't want their principal, grandfather or chief of police to read.

TreadingThePrimrosePath · 08/04/2019 05:36

Or he could just join MN and read everything.
It sounds as if your relationship needs honesty, support and effort if it’s going to last. Yes, he’s being an insecure arse and his choices are poor, but you both need to work out why and what to do next.
I’d be much more bothered about him quitting work, no job to go to, not discussing it with you...he sounds as if he’s heading for a breakdown.

Shoxfordian · 08/04/2019 06:22

It's really controlling of him to be checking your phone or your internet. I would seriously consider leaving someone who did this

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/04/2019 06:26

Wow he compared snooping on your phone to checking up on a child! Does he realise you are an adult and his equal?

You say he’s been acting weirdly. Midlife crisis perhaps? He sounds emotionally destabilised. It would be odd to quit a job if he’s thinking about cheating so I would probably assume that’s not the case but wouldn’t rule it out completely longer term.

I think he needs to get some counselling tbh.

SuperSange · 08/04/2019 06:38

What an absolute cunt. I'm sorry you're with someone who thinks so little of you and clearly doesn't trust you.

Mr Otter; you're being a controlling prick. HTH.

cakecakecheese · 08/04/2019 06:56

Maybe instead of checking your internet history he could be using that time applying for jobs...

Quitting his job without talking to you first and the paranoia about your search history could be seen as being a bit erratic, is he always like that or is it a new thing?

AuntieCJ · 08/04/2019 07:07

Creepy and controlling, OP. You aren't his child you are his equal.

I wouldn't put up with it.

Sounds like he's the one with secrets to keep.

SunshineCake · 08/04/2019 07:07

You are NOT wrong.

You're married to an insecure idiot if I'm being charitable or a controlling dickhead if I'm not.

Delete your history though i expect he'll say that means you're doing something you shouldn't be Hmm.

Clutterbugsmum · 08/04/2019 07:16

Well if you listen at doors then you hear things you don't want to hear.

He no better then a child earwigging a adult conversation.

So what he doing now, is he temping until he finds another job. How is he going to cover his share of the household costs.

He needs to grow up and start being an adult. He has responsibilities to both you and your DD.

Esspee · 08/04/2019 07:17

Another vote for he is up to no good. Classic symptom of cheating is accusing the other of what you are doing yourself.

zen1 · 08/04/2019 07:21

Highly insulting for him to compare you with your daughter as if you need 'monitoring'. He sounds controlling and has trust issues.

Billben · 08/04/2019 07:28

He’s got something to hide.

PregnantSea · 08/04/2019 07:28

I don't really think it's an invasion of privacy because this is a public forum and you've told him your username. I do think it's any weird though. Also pathetic. Has he got nothing better to do?

pointythings · 08/04/2019 07:30

That's controlling and deeply sad. He needs to get off his arse and get a job, and deal with those controlling tendencies - you're his wife and his equal, not a child who needs supervision.

I'm of the 'snooping is not ok for any reason' tribe.

labazsisgoingmad · 08/04/2019 07:34

my dp can check up on my laptop anytime he wants to but doesnt because a he trusts me b its nout to do with him and c hes got his own laptop and ditto for me hes not interested in what i do online so your husband needs to mind his own damn business

Jengnr · 08/04/2019 07:34

There are plenty of men who would be proud of your achievements, celebrate them and treat you with love and respect.

Yours is making it all about him and treating you like a naughty child (presumably to bring you down a peg or two). Fuck that.

He needs to shape up. This would be last chance saloon territory for me.

Also, as pps have said did he really quit? It seems like a monumentally stupid thing to do. And yes to snooping often being judging you by his standards.

He’s either stupid, unkind or disrespectful or a lying cheat looking at his behaviour.

Neither path covers him in glory.