to ask for baby monitor recommendations for an anxious mum?

[aimingforpb]

About 6 weeks ago my then 3 month old DS had some blue floppy episodes that resulted in an ambulance being called. It was awful and now he's nearly 6 months I'm hoping to be able to put him in down to sleep on his own soon. I want to be prepared for that and feel I would be more comfortable with a monitor.

I don't want the angel care one that goes off when breathing stops. I already have one and it just false alarms a lot. It was awful for my anxiety and I prefer to just sleep with him safely in bed with me.

Can anyone recommend a monitor that they felt safe with?

Don’t put him in his own space if you aren’t comfortable with it. It’s not as if it’s developmentally important. He’s a tiny baby still.

I just worry that he only falls asleep with me and not on his own. I keep hearing 'you're creating a rod for your own back!'

He was in a great routine. Now he seems to be going backwards and just flails about all night.

So tired... I wish I could put him down but he's so dependent on being near me. It's so lovely but I worry I'm doing the wrong thing.

He's 5 months now

My baby girl was 5 weeks early so also anxious mummy here. We use the nanny breathing monitor and find it extremely reassuring xx

My son didn't go into his own room until 22 months. You don't need to listen to people about mother cuddling your child especially that young.

You aren’t doing the wrong thing. I feel like all the ‘rod for your own back’ brigade forget to actually enjoy some of the parenting stuff.

My DS is 1 and still co sleeps and it’s lovely. I’d rather he didn’t but he’s not ready yet, so we’ll wait.

My older DS never liked co sleeping - they’re their own people from day one.

Have you got any answers at to why it happened?

My ds stopped breathing - he had silent reflux and the acid caught up the back of his throat and nose so he couldn’t breath. Scared the fuck out of me.

So I co slept with him and I would be better able to monitor his breathing - I woke up whenever his breathing “caught”. I couldn’t trust a monitor to be honest.

Once he slept on his tummy he slept and breathed much better and I was happier.

Thanks everyone. @Iggly no they didn't exactly. He has a pfo which is a small hole in his heart but they said this is unlikely to have caused this and that they will monitor it. They've called it unexplained but because he was so poorly when he was born they're keeping a close eye on his heart etc. It's so scary.

@Iggly yes my DS sleeps brilliantly on his front but I only let him when I'm watching him as he can't roll yet. I just feel so nervous about everything after what happened.

It won't do any harm to keep baby with you for longer if that's what you prefer.

Sounds really scary for you op. Hope you are both ok.

I don't have monitor recommendations. I just wanted to say you're not doing the wrong thing. He's still little, keep him with you if that's what makes you feel comfortable. Ignore anyone making annoying 'rod for your own back' comments, they're probably talking shite.

My first DC was in with me until 18 months, then went into his own room and slept really well, still does at 4 years old. Second baby is 10 months and in with me still, no plans to change that until we're both ready.

I'm going to keep him in my room with me, I just want to be able to put him down in our bed and not have to be there with him so I can potter about etc. I love having him sleep in the same room, in his Moses basket (he's tiny so still fits) or his sleepyhead but feel so much pressure to put him in a separate room once he's 6 months. I've been told so many times that it'll be a nightmare when I go to work. That he will have attachment issues (my colleague went on and on about this). Etc etc. I don't believe it all but I don't want to do the wrong thing. I feel so judged!

We have a BT video monitor 6000. It’s brilliant. Really clear colour video screen with night vision and you have the option to change the settings so you can either have it on all the time or change it so it comes on if the baby makes noise. It’s sensitive enough to keep you happy but not too annoying.

It's so hard. I don't get any help as I had to leave his dad because I became a victim of domestic abuse. I just don't have anyone to bounce ideas off and feel very nervous about everything.

We just have a bog standard audio one. Does the job, she cries as soon as she wakes.

I'm not moving her out until she is at least sleeping a decent stretch, don't see the point in getting out of bed in the night repeatedly if I don't have to.

Keep him with you if you prefer it. Your instincts are far better than any monitor. In fact when I was in hospital with my youngest we kept getting false alarms and I worried about it and they said to me "The best monitor is somebody looking at the baby, no computer or gadget can compare". Honestly don't worry a jot about all of the people who insist they won't be independent or any of that rubbish. DS1 slept with me until he was 2.5 but by 4 he used to get really pissed off if I invited him into bed with me because we disturbed him too much and he wanted his own space. He was quite a clingy/anxious toddler but he managed nursery, school OK and aged 8 he went off for a week to a camp thing on his own and had a brilliant time. We live in Germany now and he goes all over the place on the bus, he is far more independent than I was at 10.

With DS2 and all the hospital stuff I just had to tell myself in the end if the doctors were happy enough to let him go home and not have any monitoring day to day then I had to be happy with it as well. I think that has helped, reminding myself that he has actually specifically been discharged and certified as "fine without a monitor" by qualified doctors, that's likely to be true.

Don't worry it's normal for babies' sleep to go to pot at around 4 months, it won't be anything you've done, it's likely to be up and down for most of the first year, I've always found the very best thing to do is to find the best way for me to cope with it, rather than trying to force him to change it. They get there when they are ready. I'm in no rush to move DS2 out of our room for sleeping. If you're happy and he's happy then nothing is wrong.

Oh I'm so sorry to hear you're on your own and in such distressing circumstances. That is very hard. I left my DS1's dad when he was 1 due to emotional abuse, I did find both for the single parenting and also for the parenting I was doing in the relationship totally alone because he did nothing, that attachment parenting type stuff really worked for me because I didn't have anyone else to pass DS1 off to anyway.

I have used an audio monitor for both of mine once I started putting them to sleep in the bedroom without me. I have one by Angelcare (it doesn't have the movement sensor) which is voice activated but picks up everything, and for DS1 I just had a basic one by Tixylix which was on all the time. To be honest, if they are awake I want to check on them. I thought about a video one, but in the end I decided the only benefit of a video one is if you're planning to ignore them sometimes but want to know they are still OK. I was never planning to ignore them, so the video is pointless.

I think I'm this circumstance I'd keep him with you for a bit longer.

We have a BT video monitor and it's great, one of our best baby buys.

Another vote for BT6000. The display is so good I can see the rise and fall of my DD's chest.

Another one saying keep him in for longer if your heart says so. It’s a hard thing to learn to trust your instincts as a mum when everyone is giving you their opinions!

We had a Summer video monitor. It was perfect for me, I found the idea of the angel care ones too anxiety inducing. I loved being able to peek in on them without risking disturbing them. I confess I kept it in there longer than necessary as I loved watching them sleep

Why not try a co-sleeping cot, the ones that attach to the bed? That way you get the closeness he needs and the security you need. Forget the 'rod for your own back' people, that's a really easy phrase to trot out when their baby hasn't stopped breathing! Do what makes you comfortable. Could you invest in something like a snuza hero or an owlet sock?

I was told that as soon as baby can roll both ways unaided it’s ok for them to sleep on their front. Just keep the cot clear of anything. Not sure what the advice is now?

We’ve got the BT too and it’s fab

DS is 1 and still cosleeping, and far from having attachment issues he is the most confident happy little soul. I drop him off at nursery and he just toddles off to eat his Weetabix without so much as a second glance. Don't worry about the "creating a rod for your own back" crowd. Babies are meant to be close to their mothers. If you and him are both ready to sleep seperately then go ahead. My DS isn't yet, and that's fine.

I have a Motorola video monitor (and bed rails so he can't wander off while I'm in the shower or whatever). It does the job.

Mine is a Motorola video monitor and I'd recommend it. Been using it since she went in her own room.

I find it helpful because I can see if she's just making noises in her sleep or is standing up 🙄 Had to turn the volume down last night though as she keeps talking in her sleep these days and waking us up. I cld still hear if she cried as she's only next door anyway.