All natural birth?

[TerribleTwosPhase]

Ok first time posting on AIBU so putting my hard hat on for this one...
Do you genuinely believe that having a baby with no pain relief/intervention or anything makes it a superior birth to someone who hasn't?
Before I had DD I was quite relaxed about my birth plan, didn't want any pain relief or anything if I could manage it, but wasn't against it. In the end after 3 days of labour with a back to back baby and not progressing I had to have an epidural. Fine that's what needed to happen to safely deliver my baby, and as my body was starting to have issues it was the safest way of processing for us both if I needed an emergency c section. I have no issues with this and understand it's just what had to happen, not my ideal birth but we are both happy and healthy so that's all that matters.
Woman on my Facebook has just announced her babies birth with the line " total natural birth, I am a lioness!"
AIBU to think that this is a bit ridiculous, be proud of yourself fair enough, but do we really need to make people feel bad about how they gave birth? Do you secretly feel better about yourself knowing you done it with no pain relief?
I'm really not trying to be goady here please don't take it like that, but does the fact that everything went textbook for someone mean it's more noteworthy than for someone who didn't? I see so many women on here who are disappointed with their birth experiences and I think things like this surely can't help?

[Bearfrills]

When men start posting on Facebook about how proud they are to have had the snip with no pain relief

DH came home from his snip, walking like John Wayne along with over-exaggerated wincing, looked me dead in the eye and said "now I know how you felt after your caesareans".

Yes, dear, of course you do...

[fancynancyclancy]

I fell for all that “natural is best, no pain relief is best, it’s SO empowering” bollocks before I had my first baby

I think it goes both ways though. I didn’t fall for the above, my mum & family keep it real however I did buy into the CS is pain free, brilliant, easy experience.

I did not enjoy it & yes I could walk after but it was bloody painful & much harder initially than I expected.

[doIreallyneedto]

Do you secretly feel better about yourself knowing you done it with no pain relief?

Yes, I do feel better about myself for doing it without pain relief. However, I don't feel that makes me better than someone who used every type of pain relief going.

I was lucky that I had short, relatively easy births. For my youngest, I only had 2 really hard contractions. The rest of the contractions were very manageable. One of my friends had a long, difficult labour and ended up taking all the drugs on offer. For her, that was the right choice in the circumstances.

The reason I feel better about myself for having drug free births is that I am a person who likes to be in control. I felt more in control without drugs. I used yoga, breathing and aromatherapy. I laboured and gave birth in an upright position to make use of gravity. I prepared as much as I could in advance to educate myself on active birthing. I was happy that my births went the way I wanted.

It doesn't make me better than anyone else. Just different and lucky that things went the way I wanted.

[fancynancyclancy]

A man did tell me that bad toothache was worse than childbirth according to his female dentist.

[CraftyGin]

I’ve had five “all naturals” (and breastfed without any problems).

When I went to ante-natal class reunions after the birth, I was never really allowed to talk about my experiences. The only people that were allowed to talk were those that has been through the mill.

It’s all a bit lop-sided. Why is a good experience not to be celebrated?

[Letterkennie]

Toothache is worse than childbirth if you don’t have the right drugs!

[MrsMonkeyBear]

I had one baby drugged up to the gunnels on everything they could give me and one with just entinox and a paracetamol. Both times I gave birth. Both times I did what felt right at the time. Both times I felt amazing at what I had achieved.

[TerribleTwosPhase]

I think we all agree you need to be hard as fucking nails to give birth, no matter what type of birth you have.

This.
I know it's probably me being a bit stupid taking it the wrong way, like I said I just sometimes feel like there's a lot of pressure on women giving birth and I think comments like that don't help. She was maybe still high on life when she posted it and I'm sure she didn't mean it to be hurtful.

Totally missed what Motherofdinosaurs said and I'm glad I did, it looks like it was the type of comment I wasn't looking for when I posted this thread.

[fancynancyclancy]

Letterkennie

I’ve never had it but was very unsympathetic when DH did, oops!

[Parker231]

@CraftyGin - because natural and bf was good for you but I would have hated both. For me (and others) an early epidural and ff was a celebration.

[ShinyRuby]

Really, a lot of people think 'natural' birth just means a vaginal delivery. They might've had every pain relief going but still use the word natural. Probably the same sort of people that would refer to themselves as a lioness on Facebook!
As long as baby arrives safely, what does it matter?

[BelulahBlanca]

I had nothing-not even gas and air. I think it was very foolish of me and I wouldn’t do it again.

[doIreallyneedto]

@Haworthia - I fell for all that “natural is best, no pain relief is best, it’s SO empowering” bollocks before I had my first baby.

For me, it was empowering. Different women have different experiences. However, I do think that for it to be empowering you need 2 things: 1). an easy, straightforward labour. This is something you have no control over. And 2). time spent in advance on understanding and practicing how to have an active birth. This includes breathing, positions etc. You also need an advocate to ensure the medics involved will let you do things the way you want (obviously, while still ensuring safety of mother and baby).

I think the main thing is to prepare in advance but be ready to adapt if you need to. That goes for whether you want all the drugs possible or none.

[feelingverylazytoday]

My 2nd and 3rd births were 'natural' apart from a bit of gas and air at the end bit where the baby comes out. I did feel proud and happy that I was able to do that though I'm fully aware that I was very lucky. I seem to be one of those women who gives birth and recovers quickly and easily, like the other women in my maternal family. Probably just down to genetics.
I wouldn't dream about boasting about it though, especially to other women who have had more difficult experiences than me. There was no SM when I had my babies (and it's not my thing anyway) so we didn't talk about it much anyway, unless someone specifically asked.

[DiaryofWimpyMumm]

I had diamorphine with ds1 with ds2 I was too late to the hospital after them sending me home 2 hours earlier. They refused to give me anything, it was time to push, I refused for what seemed like ages, then gave in and said okay I'll push. I didn't feel empowered I felt terrible. I left the hospital 4 hours later though

[PerfectPeony2]

Who cares!! If someone had a natural birth good for them.

I was same as you. Back to back baby, couple of days with no process.

I vote epidural everytime. If I have another baby my birth plan with say epidural! I just can’t be bothered with it all if I’m honest. I’d rather lie there laughing and chatting away through contractions.

I actually loved my medical type birth it was very calm and relaxed. Pushed her out in 20 mins with no interventions. Taking drugs doesn’t always mean forceps, room full of people etc.

Basically don’t compare yourself to others!

[DelilahTheSlagFromTheBible]

I had 2 fast labours with gas and air for pain relief and managed to breastfeed both for 12 months. This doesn't make me a 'lioness' or whatever twatty expression is being used these days, it makes me fortunate. And if I hadn't had short labours, I'd have had all the pain relief going.

I'm a midwife and this shite really annoys me. Some women have an 'easy' delivery experience, some have a horrific time of it. But using it to make you feel superior to other women is so, so wrong. And who gives a shit how other women are feeding their babies? I was lucky that mine took to the breast easily, it didn't stop me keeping formula in the cupboard in case it didn't work out.

[Eateneasterchocsalready]

ARF at lioness needing pain relief as well.

I think it can be dangerous too entwine ones feelings of achievement and self worth into something we simply cannot control. . how will she feel if the next delivery needs intervention?

I could crow about my 1st labour however I know it was simply down to luck and nothing else.

[CraftyGin]

How about this for an analogy -

I’m talking about a perfectly textbook baby size/pelvis shape/baby position/healthy mum.

You run a marathon, and hit “the wall” at 20 miles (the pain of labour has you at your limits). Some people give up and drop out of the race (scream for an epidural). Other people soldier on to the end. Who is the “lioness”?

Then there are those that would never in their right mind run a marathon (get whatever drugs they can at the earliest opportunity), and those that are open-minded about going for as far as they can.

I think it’s all down to your personal motivation and goal setting, the key word being “personal”.

[Eateneasterchocsalready]

I chose the most medical type delivery for my next child and it was fabulous and I'd highly recommend it. So calm, cosy!!
It was lovely and I was able to establish bf etc.

[Mrsjayy]

I think the fact she said Lioness would have me stabbing at the unfriend button with no regrets

[BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou]

I’ve had two babies. One with lots of medical intervention and one with no pain relief or intervention (until after delivery when baby was fine but everything else went to hell in a handcart and I ended up in theatre). I am proud that I insisted on no pain relief with my second but mainly because it was the insistence of medical staff to give me pain relief in my first Labour that resulted in me having to be resuscitated!

[MulticolourMophead]

CraftyGin Your post is not an analogy.

It reads to me that you are equating those who choose drugs, etc, as losers who give up, that the "marathon runner" who soldiers on is somehow better. Your choice of language is interesting, and still feeding into the narrative that a natural birth is better, however you choose to dress it up.

[thepartysover]

Don't get this at all.

I've also seen it in men who boast about their partner's drug-free / quick / home birth, as though the woman has somehow bossed labour. As others have said, being "good" or "bad"(!) at giving birth is a ridiculous concept. So many variables.

What really dismayed me was reading in a couple of different so-called "no guilt" pregnancy books about avoiding escalation (forceps, c section etc) - spoken about in not so many words as A Very Bad Thing. Well. After 49 hours in labour with my son, I have to tell you that those forceps were a gift, and that part of the birth was the most positive. Though numb from the tits down and in theatre at the time, all the medical encouraged me to push and cheered when my baby finally came out. It was wonderful! But yes. For some reason I should look at that experience as less than ideal.

It really gets my goat. Can you tell?

[HopefulAgain10]

At the end of the day it matters only to you. One can feel superior as if they have performed a miracle but what prize are you going to get for that?

When your child is amongst their peers does it matter who was born through which matter. I find those who go through this route often want to talk about it as if to validate themselves or give them some sort of achievement that they are not getting anywhere else.