To stop pocket money for chores when teen has a job

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I started paying my teens £5 a week to do chores partly to help me but also to give them some freedom and money management
DD2 has to be nagged about choess

Will you expect them to do the chores to help you but without paying? Or just take on the work and save the money?

Sorry mn went weird!
DD2 never asks for the money although I do give it to her she is only 14
DD16 now has a job but still expects money for chores as well. She doesn’t like doing chores and makes a fuss every time

I buy their toiletries so the money is for cinema, make up etc

It depends on what you pay for, and what they pay for, what they need, and their school / college costs, travel etc, really.

That's quite a vague OP, tbh.

The chores are

DD16 - washing up daily and hoovering once a week

DD14 - cat litter tray, changing the small bins and dusting

I’m getting to the point where if I don’t pay they do virtually nothing. So I have backed myself into a corner where I have to pay them for the most minimal of ‘work’ which I always have to ask to be done and always a row!

Working kids need to pay board. Ask her if she would prefer to do that instead.

Sorry MN has gone really weird on me and slow and odd hence multiple posts

I pay for all transport costs, food, school dinners, toiletries and I do buy them clothes when they need (like the basics from Primark) all bigger purchases of clothes and shoes are for birthdays

Why are you nagging? They don’t do it by a certain time? Don’t pay.

DD16 is still at school doing GCSE’s and works one day a weekend for about £5 an hour (her choice) so earns about £130 a month now

Can you do the chores yourself?
They don’t do it in a reasonable time and without nagging you do it and they get no money? Buy yourself a nice coffee with the money, as congratulations for chores well done!

No way would I take rent off a 16yo schoolchild.

But YY if the jobs aren't done on time to a good standard, no money.

Would your DD2 take them over for the money?

I work full time and get home 6pm or after. I have no partner. I then have to cook dinner and find myself doing 2 hours of cooking, cleaning and laundry then go to bed while they get in at 4pm from school and sit in their rooms till 10pm - I come home to it all iyswim

both are doing revision which I do not want to interrupt but the jobs would only take them 30 minutes max each whereas if I have to do 100% of everything it takes me a lot longer and I am bloody exhausted

I don’t want rent
I wonder if IABU to expect them to do chores for free!

I just came on to say ask dd2 to do them and dd1 can pay her the £5

The issue is you’ve set a precendent by paying them. Now you want the jobs done for free.

I have majorly messed up by paying them for basic jobs! I wanted them to feel a work ethic but this has backfired on me as they don’t feel that they should contribute to their own household unless paid - they are like mini Tories 😭

My mum took a percentage off me for ‘board’ when I started earning. I think it was about 10%. I paid it like a bill I guess. It helped me to learn money management skills and how to budget. I didn’t know at the time but she saved it up and offered it to me when I went to uni. A nice surprise. I said no and for her to keep it. She then did the same when I moved back home for a year after uni and again when I bought my first house she offered it back to me. At the time though it wasn’t option to pay the board. I’m grateful she did that for me helped me learn from a young age the value of money.

I did ‘chores’ at 16 but didn’t get paid for them. It was an expectation in our house that everyone pulled their weight and contributed where they could. Things like putting washing in stripping beds empty bins cook a basic tea hoover and iron were all part of the deal. I really respect my mum for that. She was a single parent who worked incredibly hard to provide everything me and my sister could ever need.

No way would I take rent off a 16yo schoolchild

No but they dont need to know that do they?

Stop calling them chores and tell them they're contributing to the running of the house.

Ive always done the money for extra chores. There was always their contribution to the running of the house in the background. It's good to install it in them early for when they leave home.

You're not unreasonable but not sure what to suggest, you'll have to get tough and front it out. Or there will be natural consequences. What you will have to choose and stick to it.

I don't think you are unreasonable to ask them to do chores for free - I think that its just part of living in a home together, everyone makes the mess, eats the food, needs clean clothes, therefore everyone helps out to do laundry, clear up after meals etc. They are not special jobs that they can opt out of and leave to someone else. I think the concept of paying children to help keep the house clean and running smoothly is really strange.

Why don't you change the jobs they have to do that only affect them? So if they don't do them then on their own heads be it.

They might ask for their old jobs back.

I wish it had gone that way. I no longer enter their rooms anyway, DD16 has started doing her own washing at least. If their beds don’t get changed it’s down to them!
I really hate that they accumulate rubbish and crockery in their rooms then suddenly leave them in the kitchen

DD2 is awful for ghosting into the kitchen in the middle of the night a weeks worth of cups and plates then DD1 won’t wash them up (don’t always blame her)

So we just go round and round in a cycle of ‘it’s your mess not mine’ and I end up doing it. Even if they wash up they do it badly and much needs redoing!

Ok so how do I turn this around so this improves. I feel like I am living in a university house

No plates or cups in rooms. All food and drink in dining room then plates and cups in washing up.
Then leave them to stew in their own pits!

I would separate the chores from the money.

If you can afford to give them pocket money, then i think i would continue to do so until they're 18 or no longer in full time education.
As a separate issue, i would talk to your dc about the fact that you come in at 6 and then do everything and are tired. Maybe you could trade off them taking some of the chores off you, in return for you spending some quality time with them. My dc (10 & 13) both quite willingly do chores as when i ask as they can see that its not fair that i do everything. Quite often they will offer to help out, so i can sit and watch some tv with them.

I also think you would be within your rights to not have time to ferry them around if you are too busy doing all the chores. I'm sure when they've missed a couple of things, they might understand that there is only one of you and you can't do everything.

If dd2 can't be responsible for returning the plates/cups in a timely fashion (same day) then she loses the right to take them into her room.

Stop paying them and get a dishwasher ?

Make a list of their chores, how often they need doing and what's the latest they need to be done by- if they fail to do them, take their spending money away. So no going out etc.