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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what working parents are meant to do in school holidays?

839 replies

StepAwayFromGoogle · 06/04/2019 08:13

DD1 starts school in September. DP and I both work because we can't afford for either one of us to be off. I have applied for part time but my work have been spectacularly backward and refused point blank, which is a whole other thread. I am looking for another job but work in a very specific field in a very specific industry so it's not looking likely that I'll get something, much less part time.
DD1 school have a before and after school club which is over subscribed so she won't get in for the first year. We have scrabbled around and managed to cover the week with GPs and a childminder.
So on to the holidays. DD1 will have 13 weeks off school a year. Between us, me and DP will have just under 10 weeks holiday. AIBU to think that if the govt wants parents (particularly mothers) to work then there needs to be better holiday provision? I'm not blindingly sure what working parents are expected to do after 3pm every day and for the 13 weeks children are off in the year. At the moment all our holiday days will be spent covering time off school and we won't be able to have a holiday together as a family.

OP posts:
apacketofcrisps · 06/04/2019 08:44

So the schools system should change to suit working parents? And what would that look like then? 10 hour days?

Nomaj · 06/04/2019 08:45

I use parental leave too.

You can take up to 4 weeks unpaid leave per year, both you and your husband are likely to be entitled to it.

We save up throughout the year to afford 3 or 4 weeks unpaid in the summer.

It’s a government thing and businesses can’t refuse it (though they can delay it) but many places either don’t know about it and they certainly don’t tend to advertise it.

I will come back with a link

Nomaj · 06/04/2019 08:46

Here you go

www.gov.uk/parental-leave

Newme19 · 06/04/2019 08:47

Sit down with your DH and figure out your finances, free help, swap childcare with others, what you are willing to give up, if one of you stayed at home. What can DH ask for at work.
I regret not taking time out to be at home at 3pm. I'm in my 50's, son is only 14 years. Childhood is fleeting. My DH is a teacher so childcare covered but I missed out on fun with my boy. Only had the one sadly. Has equality put the price up of everything?

Serin · 06/04/2019 08:48

Could you look at becoming self employed? Even cleaning pays well and allows some flexibility with hours. Or look into childminding, teaching assistant roles. We had 3 DC in 4 years so I was a SAHM for a few years as it was cheaper and less stressful than childcare for 3. The downside of this is the entire neighbourhood asks you to have their DC Grin

altiara · 06/04/2019 08:48

I thought minimum holiday allocation was 20 days, not including BHs (which DCs have off anyway.
I do some time with grandparents, some holiday clubs, some sports clubs, go on holiday.
Google holiday clubs in the area, not just the fancy expensive ones, there might be a council run plsyscheme at one of the local schools. Or a local church might run the odd week play scheme. Where I live it’s about £20 for a full day at the council run one. I used to work school hours and that was about £10/day. Now I try and organise holidays over the BHs to stretch my holiday further. I buy more holiday so I have 30 days. I’ve just increased my hours so I can get paid more and then can take some parental (unpaid) leave. This year DH took kids to grandparents for Feb half term, so one half term, I then will cover. Also with friends, can take turns looking after the children. I used to work different days to a friend and that helped.
At the end of the day, money is required!

EmperorBallpitine · 06/04/2019 08:49

Most of my friends stagger their holiday so at least one of them is off 3 weeks, coalescing for one weeks holiday together in middle. Then either GP or holiday club for remaining.

FamilyOfAliens · 06/04/2019 08:49

that the government simultaneously wants to encourage mothers back into work but at the same time not ensuring that the school system works with that.

I understand your difficulties but how would you propose that happens in practice?

Free wraparound care? Who would pay for that? Which budget would be cut to pay for it?

What I’m asking is, what solution would you propose?

hen10 · 06/04/2019 08:50

You are BU to be surprised that schools finish at 3pm and have holidays. Childcare doesn't stop when they start school. You've paid for nursery thus far, so if you want to continue to work, you'll have to have some kind of arrangement, or employ before/after school care/holiday clubs. I childminder local to your school might be your best bet as they will collect from after-school clubs etc.

EmperorBallpitine · 06/04/2019 08:51

I am a writer so have to be very careful about holidays or else I have everyone asking "seeing as you are around could you have Timmy ...."

79problems · 06/04/2019 08:51

@acciocat “Why do you get under 10 weeks holiday between you? Minimum is 28 days each.”

Correct, but this is usually operationalised as 4 weeks plus 8 bank holidays. So it sounds as though OP and her DH each have five weeks’ leave plus bank holidays - i.e. 33 days’ leave.

Still makes only ten weeks in total that they can select.

TrickyD · 06/04/2019 08:51

Did you not look ahead and take this situation into consideration when you decided to have two children?

nanbread · 06/04/2019 08:53

Did any of you saying "your kids, your problem" actually read the OP?

There are 13 weeks to cover. They can only have 10 weeks off between them - which is above standard.

Round here holiday clubs don't take under 5s, so if you have a summer born child you're stuffed, and 90% of childminders do term time only and the rest have waiting lists. Not everyone can afford to take 3 weeks unpaid leave ie parental leave.

Does no one see that this is a pretty bloody big problem with the way the system is?

wigornian · 06/04/2019 08:53

Side issue I know - but the 800 pounds a month someone was paying for wrap-around care! Our school fees are about £1000 a month and include 7:45 to 18:00 wrap around care - good value £200 a month extra for 16 in a class, lunch, clubs and facilities..... Grin

Seedlip · 06/04/2019 08:53

We have no extended family here in the UK so no support that way. We do a mix of different things.

  1. Shared care with friends. DD has a small group of school friends and each family takes it in turn to host the kids for a day, this can cover 5-10 days depending on who's available

  2. Holiday club, eg this Easter there's a dance programme running for a couple of days in the school near our house which we signed DD up for

  3. DH works from home 100% and I have flexibility too on the odd day DD is home

  4. The company I work for allows employees to 'buy' holiday time (there's a maximum but I can't remember how many days it is, 15 or so?). In theory my manager could reject a request for leave time but it hasn't happened to me/haven't heard it happen to colleagues

GreenTulips · 06/04/2019 08:54

The issue is more that families can no longer get by on one wage and you need two just to survive

It’s deeper than just wanting woman to work

nanbread · 06/04/2019 08:55

Did you not look ahead and take this situation into consideration when you decided to have two children?

Circumstances can change, you know... And actually I doubt when people think about conceiving they don't go "oh we better not in case we struggle to get reduced hours".

I'm guessing you're posting from a place of privilege?

SweetheartNeckline · 06/04/2019 08:55

As PP have said do look at unpaid parental leave. You can take it for any child-related reason ("to spend more time with children" is listed as a reason) and while work can ask you to delay it for up to 6 months they can't disallow you from taking it if you are entitled.

AFAIK most parents are juggling just like you, calling in favours and doing their best. My friends whose parents live in our town have childcare help and those whose parents live elsewhere tend to send DC to nana's for a week or two. Some have reciprocal childcare arrangements with other school parents, work in lower paid / less than perfect jobs that give them school holidays off (that's what I do, or zero hours or short term contracts), pay a fortune in holiday club fees etc. Several have planned subsequent pregnancies to maximise time to care for DC during maternity leave. It's only for about 7 years (the primary school years) but it's hard while you're living it.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 06/04/2019 08:56

You'll get a stream of privileged people here telling you that school isn't childcare... which it isn't but I do feel your pain.

I'm not privileged, but I will say that school isn't childcare because it isn't. I took a massive downsize in career to cover it, as many do, so I can cover childcare over school holidays, etc.

I do think more should be done to ensure good quality affordable childcare is available via after school clubs, etc. The one near our primary school is dire and overpriced, but many parents have few alternatives. But there are many holiday camps and clubs of varying price levels around our area that do a pretty good job of keeping children busy while parents work.

BrieAndChilli · 06/04/2019 08:58

You have to use a combination for provisions.
So
Use your annual leave (but take a weektogether for family holiday)

Use grandparents - if possible. We are lucky that MIL only works term time so she sometimes comes and stays with us or for a week at easter and a week in summer the kids go to stay with her in Devon.

Our afterschool club does a holiday club the first 2 weeks of the summer holidays. Costs a fortune but the kids like it

Local leisure centres do a sports club and you can pay extra to have breakfast and after school type club as well

If you live in a city then there will probably be more options eg mad science club etc but our town doesn’t have a huge amount of options and the ones there are eg DDs gymnastics do a holiday club but it’s 10-3 which is no good to anyone, you can’t even just take a half day!!

I swop day’s with friends so I’ll have theirs on one of my days off and she’ll have mine on hers

It’s a lot of juggling and you have to book things in well in advance

BlackSatinDancer · 06/04/2019 08:58

"I'm not blindingly sure what working parents are expected to do after 3pm every day and for the 13 weeks children are off in the the year."

Has this come to you as a bolt out of the blue? You must have known when you had a child that they would be going to school and so you have had a few years to have the outline of a plan for it.

You will be able to go on holiday as a family but then pay for childcare for the weeks you need cover for.

insancerre · 06/04/2019 08:59

There are loads of holiday clubs, most schools and day nurseries offer a holiday club
You just have to suck up the cost
For the long summer holidays we used holiday club for 2 weeks, then we both took 2 weeks annual leave but staggered it so we were only off together for 1 week

randomsabreuse · 06/04/2019 09:00

It's not so much the £££ as the logistics side of things. I have an August child, so very limited on possible holiday clubs... 4 year olds stuff up ratios so nursery based holiday clubs have limited availability too! My town also has a major lack.of childcare full stop - big waiting lists everywhere except definitely not childcare school nursery!

Pinkprincess1978 · 06/04/2019 09:00

We split our holidays often only having one week a year off as a family and Xmas. We use a mixture of family and holiday clubs to cover the rest.

We are lucky as both work for public sector so get 6 weeks plus bank holidays plus at one time both worked flexi so could also manage a few more days off.

Most childminders I know work in the holidays too so if they had your child after school would usually have them all day in the holidays.

abracadabraba · 06/04/2019 09:01

Free wraparound care? Who would pay for that? Which budget would be cut to pay for it?

Trident?