Becoming more introvert as I get older- aibu to worry!!!

[Mangetoutrodney]

As per the title really- I am 46 and am turning into a real introvert! I used to be really sociable (but have always enjoyed my own company) but these days, I barely want to leave the house!!
I was out with a group of friends last night. When I was younger, I would be the last person standing! I don’t really drink anymore either because of perimenopause anxiety so went out for a few hours & had a nice time but couldn’t wait to be at home again 🙈
I have a wide circle of friends but these days seem to prefer 1-1 rather than groups and prefer lunch rather than evening outings.

I think I am just worried that I will isolate myself as I still love seeing people but seem to be becoming more & more introverted!

Aibu to think it’s a mid life thing or is it just me changing?

Me too. Since being in my 30s I have realized I really hate people and just like being on my own or with my family. I'm perfectly happy with that - less stress!!!

Same here. Im just over other peoples drama and enjoy quiet times more

I'm the opposite lol
I enjoy my own company but feel more confidence since menopause and enjoy the connection.
But still enjoy being at home.
Last night went for a group meal at 7
It was lovely but me and dh were home for 10 snuggled up watching tv in bed :)

Another one here!!

Since being mid 30’s (38 now) I also really fucking hate people and have definitely became a lot less tolerable of idle chit chat.

DH and I have 3 DC we both have both our parents siblings and I have 2 friends whom I have known a long time and always make time for but other than that I’m a hermit!

I do think I now have border line social anxiety as if I ever get invited to something (which I know I’m never going to go to) or I’m going to be in a situation where I know I’m going to have to chat I get the fear!!

I could have written your OP Mangetoutrodney.

If I do go out, I want to be home by 10 at the very latest (8.30 ideally).

Drinking brings with it a fortnight full of anxiety and existential crisis.

I feel exactly the same. I am full up.
Full to bursting actually. I have enough in my life, and a lot to think about. I just haven’t got the puff for being with people who don’t really care about me. I’d rather be in a bath reading Agatha Christie

Why would you worry? What's wrong with being introvert anyway? Whatever makes you happy, surely?

@O4FS yes- drinking brings me a fortnight of existential crisis and anxiety too 🙈 It’s like the total opposite of what I used to be like!!

I am 51 and have felt like this for quite a few years.

@single I think it’s because I hardly recognise myself at times! That’s why I worry- I used to be life & soul of the party and I don’t want to retreat from the world completely! I guess I am just changing!

I think it’s because I am so different to how I used to be. I am not a natural introvert, what were you like Mangetout?

Ah cross post

@Rickoshay that’s exactly it! I am not a natural introvert either- I used to be the last person standing at any party- still doing shots at 3am and now I am totally different and don’t know how to feel about it. I love people but can’t cope with big groups anymore & don’t feel that chatty anymore

I’m similar, early 20’s out every weekend until the early hours and lived for socialising. Mid 20’s I had my first DC and missed socialising a bit but not as much as I thought. Now I’ve reached my 30’s I have no desire to go out drinking, I enjoy snuggling up at home on front of the TV. Tucking my children into bed, etc. I prefer to have a breakfast/lunch with other mums but dread nights out (only done one in a year and I was the first to go home!)
I prefer one to one of two rather than a full group. Ive become more confident in my own self and rather than try to fit in I have more or less stopped caring what people think. Recently started a job where a lot of people are in 20’s and already know i have no desire to do the socialising etc. I don’t care if that makes me look odd, I work for money for my family and come home. I have one true friend (that’s not a fellow school mum etc) and she’s the only one I would feel completely comfortable going for late night meal/drinks etc.
I find my anxiety has lessened a lot since I have stopped trying to fit in or forced myself to social events.

Same!!!
Literally the last person standing! well staggering, never ever wanted to leave the party.
Now on the rare occasions I agree to do something I never ever want to go, what happened??

Me too. I’m in my 40’s, I’d rather just be at home. I’m not terribly well though, & permanently exhausted, so just assumed it was that. It’s very interesting to see others have changed too.

I was getting concerned about feeling a bit anxious at tines, it’s SO not me, but I put it down to a variety of things related to not being very well. It was interesting to read a few threads about it being a symptom of peri menopause, I just hope it’s goubg to piss off again when the peri menopause is over!

I'm only 29 but I've totally changed to! I just want to move to the mid of nowhere in Scotland (think skyfall) with my husband and kids and farm and grow our own veggies and only see someone when I have to travel to the nearest tesco.

I think the "age of social media" has done that ton a lot of people

I’m just 47 the other day, OP. Absolutely, since around 43-44, I’ve become more introverted. But 46 has been one of the most awkward years of my life since puberty. I actually approach the perimenopause years as a midlife puberty.
I definitely think it’s part of a manageable, walking depression, common at our age.

I really enjoy dog walking with a group of women, many of whom are in their mid 50s and sort of the other side of menopause. They keep me going and plug me back into socialising. I am also part of an incredibly lovely book club (I was never a book club type of person). This is enough for me and keeps me social without any pressure.

I’m known for cancelling drinks. But I hang with a tribe of introverted drinks cancellers. Find your tribe, OP.
And buy an electric blanket to plug in next to the sofa. That’s my kind of party: me with book/TV remote/dog/husband and my warm blanket on the sofa.

It’s funny because two of my kids are in primary school and recently I’ve had parental involvement regarding ‘friendship dynamics’ between our kids on the school playground. I find it incredibly draining. I’m just in a different place than those invested in diving into the ‘he said/she said’ spats of 9 year olds on a playground, disagreements we’re not even privy to, so who cares?!

Wow, I could have written this myself! YANBU OP - I think many people feel like this as they get older and prefer to spend time with loved ones and appreciate their own company more.
I definitely feel since starting my family (30/31 onwards) I don’t want unnecessary stress/drama in my life so have cut out a few people who were proper drama llamas and my life has been far less stressful as a result. I’m now 35 and don’t regret cutting those people out.
Don’t worry OP - if you are really that worried you could look into options, such as starting a hobby or joining a class that you may enjoy (like crafting or a fitness class)
However, I really don’t think you have anything to worry about - what you say in your OP sounds normal

Me too. I separated myself from a big friendship group last year as they really weren't good or decent friends at all. This leaves me with just a few friends who I don't see much of and I am fine with that!

I'm completely the same. I think I'll be a complete hermit by the time I retire!

I recently learnt about ‘ambiverts’ and it’s me to a tee! Maybe slightly on the introvert side of ambivert. Can definitely see myself becoming more introvert as I age - 29 currently and already can’t be arsed tolerating people’s drama. I draw my energy from time by myself, whereas I hear extroverts draw their energy from socialising and being around others. That just exhausts me!

I hit post too soon, when mentioning social media I was meaning that I think social media highlights the differences in people more and people become more aware of the kind of person they are

I'm happy at home in my garden, baking, reading, walking and generally doing activities which I enjoy doing alone or with my children. I'm very aware that my friends are very different and still like to party every weekend. I'm invited but don't fancy it

Yep me too. I have peri menopause related anxiety and it's horrible. Add to that a DH who works away a lot, trying to juggle work, kids, house, honestly I feel like I have no energy left to give to anything or anyone else. I do make an effort with my close friends though because their friendship is important to me and they are very understanding of my situation.

Have other things changed?

My DCs turning into young adults has been significant I feel. They are going out, taking their time to get ready, taking care of their looks. Things I used to do a lot of.

Now I hate shopping and any kind of faffing. Used to be I wouldn’t leave the house without make up. I haven’t wased my legs in months and it doesn’t bother me one jot. I have never been vain, but have always cared for myself. Now I do it in a different way I suppose.

I work from home. I think that is significant. It’s quite isolating in itself.