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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To quite honestly feel like giving up? I'm doomed.

67 replies

HipHipHippoo · 05/04/2019 22:36

Today began well. It was the last day of school and 3DC and I were all really excited to be going away on Monday until Friday. Only to the seaside, but we thoroughly deserve a break after a year of being absolutely broke and their dad deciding to go no contact with any of us. Luckily I paid for the holiday last year so all I had to pay for was petrol.

Yesterday our dog had an unexpected vet bill of £160 which was really frustrating as actually he was ExDPs dog, but he abandoned him as well as the DC and doesn't pay towards either. After the school run today, a dog lunged at mine for no apparent reason and bit his ear, causing another vet bill that I really can't afford. I got home and put the kettle on which tripped the electrics so I had to lug everything out of the under stairs cupboard to get to the fuse box.

Then I went to the toilet and discovered I'm having my first period in about three years (because of breastfeeding) and I have no san pro in the house. DD(2) and DD(5) and I walk to the shop and 5 yo trips over 3 times, then steps in dog poo on the way back on purpose Confused

Later we start driving to collect DD(10) from school and the car breaks down in front of someone's driveway, a mile from school and I have no pushchair in the car. We're half hour late to collect DD as I struggle up the hill with 2 yo on my shoulders and dragging anti-walking 5 yo along. We were due to collect our food shopping before 4pm but the supermarket is 3 miles from school. I call a taxi and walk to the cash point, only to discover another unexpected bill has gone out leaving me with £4.76 to my name.

We trudge back to the car and wait for the AA, getting a load of abuse from the man whose driveway the car was in front of (I had left a note to explain and apologise but that wasn't good enough, apparently.) We get towed to the garage just as they close. They can't look at it until Monday at the earliest so we're already definitely going to miss some of our holiday, and frankly I've no idea how I'm going to pay for the repairs - if it's more than the £200 I have left on my credit card then we'll be without a car altogether and struggle massively. Of course, I filled the tank with petrol ready for holiday this morning...!

The garage is a mile from home and I can feel my san pro start to leak so I have to tie my jumper round my waist and freeze all the way home. When we arrive home it's freezing, the boiler has packed up. DDog has been sick on the floor and DD2 somehow managed to fall asleep on my shoulders so has only just gone to bed.

Finally about to get into bed after a completely shit day and my friend messages me to ask if I know ExDP has been promoted and has a new car. I open my emails and find out that the agency I've been working from home for no longer require my services. Seriously what else can go wrong?!

Honestly I'm fed up of the struggle of life. Today was obviously particularly shit but every day feels like bad news or luck constantly. I have three healthy DC which I'm exceptionally grateful for but I can barely afford to eat or live. They are so happy and resilient and make me so proud but I feel like I'm letting them down. I didn't think it was possible to be more broke than I was, but without a job I clearly will be. I've tried so hard to look for term time work so I can afford childcare but it just doesn't exist around here.

The DC went to bed optimistic that we can get the car fixed on Monday then go straight to holiday. I'm dreading disappointing them Sad

OP posts:
Babdoc · 05/04/2019 22:42

Good grief OP, if there was an Olympic event for “shittiest day ever” I think you’d be up there on the podium! Can I send a big hug and my prayers that tomorrow will be very much better.
On a practical note, why is your ex not being pursued for child support? It can be deducted direct from his pay if he won’t cooperate, surely? You really shouldn’t be struggling like this while he swans about in a new car. Does he not give a shit about his own children?

Notcontent · 05/04/2019 22:44

That sounds really tough. Sometimes everything goes wrong at once. Can you borrow some money from family?

cricketmum84 · 05/04/2019 22:44

Bloody hell OP that is he shittest of shit days. Sending a fuckload of Thanks and Gin your way and really really hope you have a better weekend and get to go on your holiday on Monday. Have you any family that can help out financially?

If it helps at all this is one of those days that you look back on in a year and not exactly laugh, but probably chuckle at the total list of misfortunes!

HipHipHippoo · 05/04/2019 22:52

No, I have no family at all to help out. He is being pursued but he earns most of his money from his self employed venture so I won't see any of that. Of course I'm happy that I have the DC but it feels so unjust that he can disappear and forget about them and no one says anything to him.

OP posts:
cricketmum84 · 05/04/2019 22:56

It's utterly shit isn't it. My ex did a disappearing act when when DS was 2 and CSA were never able to find him. I went through years of struggling so much financially while he swanned off doing fuck knows what, not giving a shit about his son.

When your kids are grown and they look back at their childhoods they won't remember the cheapo budget teas, the struggle for money. They will remember the days at the seaside, the fun they had during school hols with you and above all the absolute love that you show them every day. Trust me I know this from experience.

babysharkah · 05/04/2019 23:13

Oh my what a shit storm. I have no practical advice I'm afraid but is there no one you can call on to help? I'm sorry for what you're dealing with it's utterly shit.

HipHipHippoo · 05/04/2019 23:18

Thanks for the well wishes Flowers It feels a bit better to have got my moan over with! I have absolutely no one to help in any way whatsoever Sad

OP posts:
Livingtothefull · 05/04/2019 23:18

I am sorry you have had such a horrible day. I send you love and every good wish that it will get better for you. By the way I think you are absolutely heroic bringing up 3 DC on your own like that and I admire you so much.

I am sure better times will come for you, you will look back and wonder how on earth you coped but will be SO proud of yourself that you did. And your DC will be proud of you too.

Angelik · 05/04/2019 23:18

Firstly, your friend is not your friend giving you any sort news about exh. How the fuck is that helpful?!

How far is holiday from where you are?

HipHipHippoo · 05/04/2019 23:32

I think she was trying to break it to me gently in case the DC or I saw him in it out and about.

Holiday is two hours away Sad

I am proud, Living. He didn't even come to our youngests birth because he was 'busy.' The DC are oblivious to my struggles thankfully.

OP posts:
Strawberrypancakes · 05/04/2019 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HelicopteringBastard · 05/04/2019 23:38

Yup, you win a prize, thays the kind of day i dread Flowers

hospitalbagfrenzy · 05/04/2019 23:41

ThanksThanksThanks

Raspberrytruffle · 05/04/2019 23:42

Oh OP bless you, contact the cab and see about getting a food parcel to tide you over, can you not go to csa to chase ex for maintenance? Here's a big hug flower x

Raspberrytruffle · 05/04/2019 23:43

If you were my mate or I knew you I'd take you to your holiday and help you in anyway, life is so hard sometimes Flowers

RuffleCrow · 05/04/2019 23:53

Sending you lots of unmumsnetty hugs OP. You are a hero, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. WineWine

When i was feeling the way you are right now with my three, a couple of years ago, close to just giving up, someone said to me:

"you are the only person looking out for those kids".

I don't know why, but that statement - the truth of it - has stayed with me and seems to get me through whatever shit comes my way.

Tatiannatomasina · 05/04/2019 23:58

Wow, that is some day. Hoping that somehow someway you get off on your holiday, you so deserve it after dealing with all of that.

victoriaspongecake · 06/04/2019 00:00

Bless you -- I hope you have a better day tomorrow .

clairemcnam · 06/04/2019 00:02

Do you have a face book with people you know as fb friends? If yes post on there. Someone will give you a lift there and back to your holiday.

mokapot · 06/04/2019 00:02

Bloody hell: that’s horrible. Sorry

AntiHop · 06/04/2019 00:02

My goodness op. That is the day from hell. Flowers

Cheeserton · 06/04/2019 00:18

Incredibly harsh day. Tomorrow can only be better, despite the challenges.

squee123 · 06/04/2019 00:26

I'm sorry Flowers
On a practical note, do you have any bits you could sell over the weekend to raise sone extra cash to cover the repair bill? Particularly anything your ex was fond of...

Is it possible to get a cheap coach to your holiday maybe?

sandgrown · 06/04/2019 00:27

Hope you make it to your holiday. Fingers crossed the car repair is not too expensive. I was in a similar situation years ago and it is very hard but my children, who are now adults, don't remember the struggle just the laughs we had .

Whysoannoying · 06/04/2019 00:31

Agree with a PP - I would donate to a gofundme page. Or if you can PM me your bank/paypal details (sorry, I'm not very good at tech) I would happily contribute a bit towards your holiday. I'm sorry you've had such a bad day and hope things improve very soon"! Flowers