AIBU to be annoyed that MIl trapped me?!

[Shadesorsunnies]

MIL “What do you think of tattoos?”
Me “I don’t like them but each to their own”
MIL “X (niece) has got one!”
Me “Oh! What is it?”
MIL “A star on her wrist”
Me “Oh well at least it wasn’t the name of a boy or something!”
MIL “She’s done that as well...”.
Me “Oh.”

Next day MIL tells me she’s told niece that I think tattoos are awful, especially boys’ names blah blah blah and niece and SIL (niece‘s mother) are furious at me.

I shouldn’t have fallen for it. It’s MIL’s way of telling them SHE doesn’t like them but it was sneaky.

Call her out!! Ring her and say you are really upset she went and told SIL and ask her why she did it. Let her know you won’t be sharing your opinion again. If you confront her I guarantee she’ll change or at least know you are onto her.

Steamedbadger I’m not annoyed about my opinion! I’m annoyed with MIL for soliciting it to go running to SIL and neice with just to cause trouble!

I'd be annoyed to op. It's so unnecessary for her to have done it. Surprised she didn't call and tell you something sil said about you. And the weird chain of meddling shit stir continues.

Have you thought of getting your DH to tell her that you know exactly what she’s doing and that you won’t be answering her phone calls as a result?
Shitty people like this get away with being shitty because no-one pulls them up on it.

No I haven’t said anything to her. I’m not really the type to confront people.

It's time to start.

Livingoncake DH doesn’t really get it. He just says forget it. He’d say something if I asked but would probably get it all wrong!

I have an otherwise lovely mil who does this. What do you think of x?becomes Etino was telling me she thinks y about x. I tell her nothing!

My niece has tattoos, she knows I think they are ugly, she thinks I'm boring for not having one. Own your opinion or don't share it.

I’m not embarrassed about my opinion!

I’m annoyed that MIL was sneaky!

I work with someone exactly like this. She’s exhausting. She comes into my office, tells me she’s pissed off with Bob today, then bob gets huffy with me cos he’s heard I’m pissed off with him ...... I need to start only having professional conversations with her but she’s one of those people who dictate the mood of the work place.

Anyway that doesn’t help you, OP. Sorry. MIL sounds like a nightmare

Your SIL and niece are probably fine - don't you see your MIL could be lying to shit-stir this up into an argument?

She probably told them, they said it's none of your business/don't care and she's winding you up.

Definitely use this as an excuse not to visit!

In future, every time she tries to incriminate you by asking your opinion on anything, just go all Miss Jean Brodie and smile and say “For those who like that sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like” - and refuse to be drawn any further.

Taking the wind out of her spiteful gossipy sails would be like the equivalent of countering Stan Boardman's tiresome "What about them Geeermans, eh?" with "Well, they certainly have an admirable work ethic, don't they - and they do make very good cars!"

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll
😂

It’s the set up that is so bad.

She didn’t have to ask me at all, and she didn’t have to tell me about niece’s tattoos, and she didn’t have to go running to them to tell them what I’d said, and she didn’t have to come running back to tell me what they had said!

I don’t talk to SIL or neice unless we’re visiting MIL

So why care? You didn't say anything wrong, there was no relationship to damage and any awkwardness about it will actually only really inconvenience MIL, so actually she only fucked herself over!

Maybe it’s time to become one of those irritating people who never has an opinion.

MIL: What do you think of mohawks?
OP: Mmmm? Oh, I don’t know, really.
MIL: DN got a mohawk, and she dyed it green!
OP: Did she? Speaking of green, I think I should get another rose bush for the garden, what do you think?

So you give no opinion on whatever she’s trying to shitstir about, and change the subject to something neutral, even boring. If you fail to feed her need for drama, she may even stop ringing you. Bonus!

Have you spoken to your SIL directly about this? For all you know she's misrepresented her reaction in the same way as she apparently misrepresented what you said. I'd be tempted to throw her to the wolves and tell your SIL that you didn't say what MIL claims and she was obviously passing on her own opinions under the guise of yours.

It’s the set up that is so bad.

She didn’t have to ask me at all, and she didn’t have to tell me about niece’s tattoos, and she didn’t have to go running to them to tell them what I’d said, and she didn’t have to come running back to tell me what they had said!

Precisely.

It's a clear sign of somebody with too little to occupy their own lives and too much time on their hands. A bit like a DM paparazzo who hounds former reality show contestants and writes a load of presumptuous rubbish at the tiniest whiff of any perceived personal problems ("He was spotted in Starbucks all on his own - his wife of just three months was nowhere to be seen"). At least they earn filthy lucre a living for it, though.

For some reason, I'm reminded of the reporter in Drop The Dead Donkey who would always keep an old teddy in his car in case he was called out to disaster stories, so that he could photograph it against the backdrop of sadness and bow his head, solemnly saying something like "And what could prove a more poignant reminder of the heartbreaking devastation caused by this tragedy than this child's precious teddy bear who now has nobody left to love him....?"

How old is your MiL?!? she sounds about 6.......

@Livingoncake
That is such a good strategy, I use it with certain people at work......

MIL's told your DN and SIL that you disapprove of tattoos, which is actually not true. Then, she told you that they were really annoyed. That's probably bullshit as well. The convo probably went
MIL: DN, I was talking to your aunt and she said she doesn't like tattoos, especially ones of names of people like the one you have. She said they're really stupid and you'll regret it in a few years.
DN: did she? Did that really happen (anywhere other than your imagination )

If she does it to you she probably does it to them.

My dm AND dmil do this!! They pull you into security and you give them too much into, then it gets back to you from someone else. I hope I won't do it when I'm older!!!

that is nasty behaviour from your MIL

My MIL does this kind of thing.

We call it her "divide and conquer" approach.

She hates people getting on, particular people in her family (especially her children) and does her best to sow disunion wherever she goes.

Toxic doesn't even begin to describe it.

The Queen Mother, in difficult conversations, used to say.
"We shall have fog by teatime."

Sounds like the shit my mother pulls, and wonders why I am virtually NC.

Asked my view on a name, I said it wasn't one I would choose. Then told me DB had named his daughter that name. And told DB I hated it. Her way of saying she hated her granddaughter's name, but make me the bad guy.

Your MIL, as another PP said, is a shit stirrer! (Not a phrase I use often but so appropriate here.)

No I haven’t said anything to her. I’m not really the type to confront people.
Fair enough but maybe start blanking her whenever you can. When you see it's her phoning don't answer and let her leave you a voicemail which you might (or might not) respond to.
When she's there in person, smile and grey rock her.

Sounds like the way forward, if this is how she generally is, is to be non-committal.