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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how you manage to have sex on a family holiday?

279 replies

NorthernGravy · 05/04/2019 16:51

I know this sounds a bit weird, but I am looking at booking a holiday, which will involve 7yo DS sleeping on the sofa bed in our room. When we've gone away previously we've done Eurocamp, so he's been in his own room in a chalet.

I was looking at holidays and suddenly thought "oh crap, where do we have sex?". I couldn't have sex while he was sleeping in the room, doing it in the bathroom while he is asleep sounds uncomfortable.

I looked at apartments and then realised that I would end up doing all the cooking and it wouldn't be a holiday for me. I am done with self catering.

Am I being weird thinking about it?

OP posts:
Ninkaninus · 06/04/2019 18:21

*some fun together.

Also, gotta say I agree with the poster who said if it ended up being me who did all the donkey work on a self catering holiday I’m really not sure I’d be in the mood for a good shag after that...why on earth would you do all the work??

whatshappening101 · 06/04/2019 18:26

Please don't subject your child to any inkling of you having sex while they are "asleep", in the bathroom or on the balcony. I have some serious hang ups about sex due to similar behaviour from
my parents during childhood holidays and it is horrible to live with. Yep, obviously I know/knew my parents had sex but I really didn't need to know about it. And now I'm a mum I have issues with having sex in case they hear us or walk in on us (at home not just on holiday)
Being a parent often requires us to put children's needs before our own and this is one of those occasions.
Otherwise be prepared for your child to need a lot of therapy and be a little messed up in the bedroom department (speaking from experience)

whiteknuckleride2 · 06/04/2019 18:44

We always go s/c - partly for this reason but mainly so we have somewhere to sit and read/watch a film should the dc go to bed before us. Doesn’t involve any elaborate cooking and we always get one with a dishwasher.

Taswama · 06/04/2019 18:49

Definitely go self catering, otherwise you never get any peace and quiet as you’re together all the time.

PineappleFwitters · 06/04/2019 18:57

I'm in my nineties, been married 70 years and DH and I do it every day without fail. 5 times a day on holiday. Including on the balcony and in the shower

Blimey Queenie, so that's why Prince Philip retired!

Lucked · 06/04/2019 19:10

We just like our own space in the evening to chat and laugh without being forced onto the balcony. We have had overnight stays in the same rooms as kids and whispering and reading kindles in the dark gets old very quickly.

However it is getting harder to find two separate bedrooms out with self catering. Very limited availability for all inclusive and lots of websites don’t let you filter it properly or suggest two separate hotel rooms with no guarantee they are adjoining.

BunsyGirl · 06/04/2019 19:11

There are plenty of options without going self catering. We are currently in a one bedroom suite with the kids sleeping in the lounge area. Wasn’t particularly expensive. We have also stayed in completely self contained apartments within hotels so had daily maid service, room service etc. You just have to do a bit of research. We love hotels, so do our kids. However, we can still find privacy. Also, not all hotel bathrooms are gross. The one we are in at the moment is pretty dam lovely!

BlueSkiesLies · 06/04/2019 19:13

I'm in my nineties, been married 70 years and DH and I do it every day without fail. 5 times a day on holiday. Including on the balcony and in the shower

😂 amazing

CostanzaG · 06/04/2019 19:18

crisscross
It doesn't have to be an either or situation though does it? We're currently on a family holiday which is very child focussed but I still want to have sex with my husband.

helpamamaout · 06/04/2019 19:38

Does the number of children (and boy/girl mix) influence how this accommodation scenario is managed?

pollymere · 06/04/2019 19:39

Sofa bed isn't really an option for a whole week as most are horribly uncomfortable. Some hotels have cottage options where you have a place for three but then eat meals in the hotel. B&B sometimes have this too. Self catering is great if you plan properly.

madeyemoodysmum · 06/04/2019 20:10

Bonus in my opinion Grin

madeyemoodysmum · 06/04/2019 20:15

I went to a lovely place in Santorini with two bedrooms and a kitchenette and sofa room.
We had a restaurant and pool etc. It wasn’t a massive all inclusive place but it was perfect for a family with small kids.

Booyahkasha · 06/04/2019 21:00

We're not bothered and often have family rooms, eg in Disney. It's really not a deal breaker! 😂 plenty of time for all that when you get back!

manicmij · 06/04/2019 23:27

Try a double room with connecting single or double room for son.

angel3008 · 06/04/2019 23:56

I really want to understand - why can’t you just have sex in the bedroom at 3 am? Or some late hour.
Surely children are fast asleep at that hour!?!
And I mean the conservative kind in a fairly hushed manner.
Especially as some pp said you can have in the balcony because you think all people are fast asleep so why not the bedroom.

And also just curious- up to what age (child’s age) do people normally think it’s okay to have sex with kids in the bed room!?

LittleChristmasMouse · 07/04/2019 00:00

I really want to understand - why can’t you just have sex in the bedroom at 3 am? Or some late hour.
Surely children are fast asleep at that hour!?!

There are a fair few posters on here that prove you never really know if the kids are asleep and are traumatised as a result of what they heard!

NotMyUsualTopBilling · 07/04/2019 00:07

I've never been comfortable with the idea of having sex in the same room as my children, even as babies, so older kids who "know" what's going on would be a definite no go for me.

Yes they may be asleep, but they may wake up and that would be uncomfortable for everyone surely?! As other posters have said, it could also be quite unsettling for them.

I don't have much of a sex drive (thanks to bloody hormonal contraception!) but I know that the worry of waking someone up and having to be "conservative" about it just wouldn't be particularly appealing!

angel3008 · 07/04/2019 00:44

Yes was reading back just now and saw the comments.
When I am in such a situation, I usually stand by my 7 yr old just making sure he is actually fast asleepBlush

I agree definitely not appealing. And I have low drive these days too so not appealing either way!

MargotLovedTom1 · 07/04/2019 11:09

This thread is a classic example of horses for courses. I said:
"Do all these 3am balcony shaggers have young children who lie in until midday? [...] Our children were never ones for lazy mornings."

A poster replied:
"but you’re on holiday so you chill the next day, take it turns to have DC and sunbathe / nap/relax. Also, it may be 3am, but it can be quick Wink."

We had three children in four years and daytimes were very much all hands on deck. And in the small hours of the morning we were both conked out ourselves.

DeniseRoyal · 07/04/2019 11:14

Wait til your son is asleep, cover the living room floor in cushions or blankets, et voila! Cosy sex nest!! Grin

Mememeplease · 07/04/2019 11:54

And that is why I never want to touch hotels cushions or bed throws...

RottnestFerry · 07/04/2019 12:23

And that is why I never want to touch hotels cushions or bed throws

I treat hot tubs and jacuzzis with caution too. Had a traumatic experience once with a hotel whirlpool bath.

MadameAnchou · 07/04/2019 13:16

Oh, god, the 'conservative' sex at 3am thinking the other people are asleep. A) The couple are never 'conservative' and B) You wake people up and they know exactly what you're doing! Get some self control and don't shag in a room where other people are. Or a balcony (DH's mates have uploaded several racy videos to social media featuring couples fucking on balconies, people can SEE you!).

toffeeghirlinatwirl · 07/04/2019 14:51

Still pmsl @ the balcony being called the “sex shelf” a few pages up!

On our last holiday, the teens went out until late with friends leaving little old (sexless) single parent me enjoying the tranquility of my balcony with a gin and book.
I’m thinking back now, being extremely shortsighted and a tad hard of hearing, what I’ve been completely oblivious to.
Given that our accommodation was at the back of our hotel looking over the adjoining hotel’s pool and balconies (L shaped) with private apartments with balconies completing a square of sex shelves, I’m completely Shock that I was so wrapped up in Eleanor Oliphont to have noticed any of this nocturnal activity!
Eek, the thought of sweaty body farts and flesh slapping with accompanying groans would’ve had me running indoors! (And if the kids had been onto it there would have been some serious phone recording to share far and wide).

On a side note, I’ve just realised I haven’t had sex - at home or abroad - in almost 7 years. Thanks for the reminder Sad
I’d hit the gin Gin if I had any. I’m off to pour me a ‘poor me’ cuppa and to ponder on if it’s like riding a bike this sex thing Hmm