To be shocked and saddened that apparently a million brits think that people should never move on after they lose a partner?

[NoCauseRebel]

Good morning Britain of all things had Debbie McGee and jade goodie’s husband on to talk about some survey which apparently suggests that a person should never move on after they lose a partner. And I’m wondering how/why people think this? Even marriage vows talk about until death us do part but even so JG’s h said that he was 21 when she died so does that mean he should spend the rest of his life alone?

How do people arrive at this kind of thought process? If I died I’d certainly want my DP to move on, after all I’ll be gone. And while I can’t see me moving on if he died that’s because he’s not dead now so how can you ever know until it happens?

A friend of mine moved on pretty quickly when her husband of 39 years died. She lost a few friends over it who all thought it was in poor taste.
Personally, I thought good on her. She had been very happily married, but he was gone and she did not like being in her own. Her new man has now been with her 10 years and the friends still haven't got over it.
You shouldn't judge if you wouldn't want to walk in their shoes.

After my father died, my mum said to me that she would never have another relationship. If she couldn't have him, then she didn't want anyone else.

I find it odd to be honest. If you divorce fair enough you clearly stopped loving each other but when one dies you didn’t separate because the love was gone they where stolen by death. It would feel dishonest/disrespectful akin to cheating to me.

I also wouldn’t date a man who had children or give my children step/half siblings I hold quite strict values about these things. I do not voice them to people in person however they are my beliefs for my life.

And by the step/half sibling thing I mean via divorce as clearly it wouldn’t happen via marriage as I don’t believe in it.

Thing is nobody knows until they are in that position. People can answer surveys all they like but nobody knows.

It’s easy to say now, oh I’d never meet anyone else but life my have other ideas for you 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well, my dad introduced me to his new girlfriend a few years ago. Only one year after my mum died...

The girlfriend is 20 years younger than me! I still talk to him and I'm friendly with her.
I'm just glad it's a long distance relationship.

It’s an odd viewpoint. Obviously, as you said, how quickly a person chooses to move on is entirely their choice but to say that other people shouldn’t move on is very very strange.

FIL started dating a lady just over 6 months after MIL died & married her just over 6 years later. In private we all thought it was a bit quick to begin with but we supported him & their relationship. They make a great couple & she’s very different to Mil (which obviously helps dh).

When someone dies they’re gone, no matter how much you want to you can’t get them back. You also can’t helping falling for someone else. I think if something feels right you should go for it, to use the old cliché life is short.

XMIL said that one of the last things her DH said her before he died was 'I don't want you to meet anyone else'. All I could think was 'What a fucking dick'.

When it comes down to it, if I shuffle off this mortal coil first, it's got fuck all to do with me what DP does. But if it's possible, I'll haunt the fuck out of them until he gets a good' un.

I can't imagine wanting or meeting somebody else - but that doesn't mean I wouldn't. And if I did, well, that's my business, not anybody else's.

Could religious beliefs have something to do with this? If you think you will meet up with your loved ones after death, it might be awkward.

Also, when widows and widowers are mentioned, people might assume they are mostly very old people, and don't like the idea of old people dating etc

Religion says 'Until Death', not 'And into the Afterlife'. If they're religious, they should possibly read more of their holy book before claiming that as a reason.

We're a bit past chucking widows onto funeral pyres or forcing them to marry an unmarried brother these days as well.

It’s just a respect thing for me. Plus as a child I watched an elder in the family jump straight into a new man who’s a complete cunt waffle and has isolated her from 90% of her family. All because she couldn’t be lonely and was encouraged by her divorcee female friends to get back on it ASAP. Hate them all to be completely honest also it’s funny that those who pushed are still stuck in the exact same situations they where in all those years ago forever dating new men or taking back a cheating ex and for the relative she’s bitterly lonely even while remarried with no family who care.

No one can comment on this unless you are a widow. I’m a widow at 38. Unbelievably when my husband passed all I wanted was someone else. I didn’t really do much about this, but of online flirting. However, I think you feel like this because you didn’t choose to be in this situation it was torn away from me. I don’t want to come home to an empty house . Having said that do I want a long term full in relationship? No. Will I ever get married again? No.

I was a widow at 37. We are young and if luckily enough to meet someone then go for it

Life is too short

As I said below - you have two children and love them hopefully equally

Same if you meet someone

Doesn’t mean you stop loving your husband but they are gone forever

Their lives carry on. They have their partners etc - but to come home to an empty house and not see your loved one in every day situations is so hard

Of course people should move on! There should also be a respectable period of mourning though, surely? It’s pretty vulgar to be shagging someone new when your spouse hasn’t even been buried.

I was widowed last year - my H and I were divorcing at the time. Would I marry again? Definitely not. Would I contemplate a new relationship? Absolutely, I'm just not looking because I'm happy as I am with just me and teen DDs.

Everyone should be free to do what is right for them. Eternally pining for the husband she lost has not done my mum any good at all - she has spent the past almost 3 years slowly drinking and starving herself to death. I very much doubt my dad would have wanted that for her.