To think about getting married 4 weeks after baby's due date?

[NotReadyForThisX2]

Me and Dp saw the perfect wedding venue and we were planning on getting married next year autumn/winter time. We're unexpectedly expecting Dc two now. The venue we love emailed some dates at a reduced rate for a smallish intimate wedding and the only one we could potentially do is four weeks after baby is due.
With another baby and me reducing hours at work etc, we've talked about bringing the wedding date forward and it was quite a bit cheaper so I emailed to say we'd have that date and paid a deposit.

Now I'm thinking what the hell have I done. I'm going to look an absolute mess aren't I? And I won't be able to properly enjoy it.
Dp is keen to keep the date and thinks we'll be fine, it's only immediate family and close friends we'll be inviting and he thinks we can just do a big party for everyone else a bit later when I'm ready for it.

I'm so unsure, on the positive it's much cheaper, we'll only have close family and friends and we can't invite more so that solves the who shall/should we invite. We'll be married and considering I'll be on mat leave (again) and reducing hours at work when I'm due back, it's a bit more protection for me.
But what would I wear that I can still breastfeed a new born in? And will I actually feel up to it?
Ds is only 6 months now and I was lucky and pretty quick to recover with him and back in my pre pregnancy clothes pretty soon, but a second so quickly I'm thinking it might not be as easy this time. Plus there's the chance baby could be late so only a few weeks old, although Ds was two weeks early.

I'm really not sure what to do. Dp's now set on that date but I'm worried I'll end up feeling like I've missed out and wishing we'd waited.

Could this work as a idea of the day:

Wedding ceremony around 11, approx 30 mins. Hopefully baby will feed before I get dressed and be ok for a hour ish (trying to remember howling Ds went at at four weeks.
But it's not rigid time (no other wedding to be done) so won't be a crazy rush if baby feeds longer or something.
Then a few photos of us the couple, and with Ds and baby.
Then I'll go try feed baby while they do more photos without me, Dp and his family/friends. Or have drinks nibbles etc
Then some more photos when I'm back if needed (how long do wedding photos take?)

Then the afternoon tea, this will probably be about 1pm (ish) I think! Maybe later.

Then I'm thinking we go to the room and change, I can feed baby and have a rest if needed, we could go for a walk if we felt up to it and wanted some fresh air. My mum or Dp's parents would be happy to take Ds so if we want to nap or just stay with baby he could go for a walk with them.
Then we'd have dinner later, but I wouldn't wear my wedding dress for that.

Writing it down it seems pretty chilled and I think I'd be fine with it. Just if I'd be able to find a dress to suit my pre baby body and I don't look a mess. It's expecting a fair bit of time off family/friends etc but it's only close ones so I think they'd all be ok with it really. And probably quite nice for our grandparents and my great grandparents as it's quite relaxed and they'll be able to have lots of cups of tea and a early night

This was my dress op featuring tiny baby

It's honestly if I'm going to look like an absolute mess
Why on earth would you look like a mess?

Part of me wants to say 'its ONE day, if it works perfectly in every way, then do it!' but of course it's so unpredictable. Hopefully everything will go as well and straightforward as last time, obviously not a given but your body recovered well last time! I would think about what you can do to make the day as easy as possible and see if its still feasible - can you hire a maternity nurse/doula for the day to be totally baby focused, for example? Can your older child be with your parents in the morning so you can get ready and have the baby cared for and with you but you're not solely responsbile?

I think it's doable, but you need to get help in - and then does that mitigate the financial saving of doing it that date?

I couldn’t do it. I’ve had all manner of things go wrong during birth including haemorrhaging, needing emergency forceps with an extended episiotomy and a c-section. There’s no way I’d have been able to get married four weeks after any of that. Of course you may just breeze through labour and be fine but if you’re still bleeding as many women are, it won’t be very pleasant (especially not if wearing white ).

It’s not ideal and you’ll need support. However, since you’ve paid the deposit and from a legal stand point, marriage is important when you have children so I would go ahead.

Not for a full wedding, party, expecting to look like a princess etc... Nope from me. If it were a simple dress smartly, have a nice meal with close family etc then definitely yes. Baby could be two weeks late. Or you might have a section and need to be in hospital longer. Too many variables for me would make two lovely experiences (new baby and wedding) stressful and fraught as hell!!

Aw, you look lovely @PengThePenguin and was your dd only 7 weeks? That's made me feel it's more possible.

It would just be if baby is late or I need a c section or something. But I'm hoping for a water birth like Ds and hopefully no intervention and quick recovery time of course I can't predict this though and that's the problem.

I can use the deposit if I book the same venue but for next year, so I won't lose money. I'm just so undecided and feeling a bit vulnerable that we aren't married and we're having a second Dc.

Because I'll have just had a baby @feelingverylazytoday. I just don't want to be in something that doesn't fit or flatter me.

Thank you @NotReadyForThisX2

Yes, she was seven weeks to the day. I was however induced so I had a bit more security knowing when she would come and I just had to cross my fingers that I didn't need and emergency csection. Thankfully I didn't and all was well! I would have liked to have lost a bit more weight but I'm not going to beat myself up about it

I got married the day after I had my baby. Everything worked out fine! Plan for every eventuality and you'll be great

Because I'll have just had a baby. I just don't want to be in something that doesn't fit or flatter me
Well I'm sure your partner and your family will think you look beautiful. If you're worried about your dressing fitting how about consulting a dressmaker to see if a dress can be adapted to allow for breastfeeding and your changing shape?

Seraphine do some nice dresses in their Luxe range that are breastfeeding friendly.

I think I’d go for it if your first delivery was, well was going to say easy, but you know what I mean straightforward shall we say I think there’s a good chance this one will be too. Surrounded by family smallish wedding sounds good to me. As to what to wear what about a wrap dress / crossover type thing. Autumn winter can get some nice berry colours not too dark but not unforgiving white and cream either.

No one can tell you for sure. I thought ny second labour would be plain sailing after my first. I ended up in hospital for 2 weeks and developing a chronic condition that took months to diagnose. Now you’ll most likely be absolutely fine but if you’re not it’s potentially a lot of money to lose and stress to rearrange. I would put it back.

Also we got married when dd2 was 2 and I’m so pleased that I look how I wanted to on the day and in the photos. I know it’s the marriage that counts but it’s nice to feel goodon your wedding day and have photos that you love.

Why not have a private registry office wedding (either take two witnesses or use staff there) now and plan your wedding for summer 2020

I think you can do it, but I also think you won't like the photos in years to come. I only really looked like me again after about 4 months (and not just weight - I was pale and a bit puffy round the face with cracked hands, frizzy hair and spots).

I think I'm back to wanting to wait so we can do it how we really want.
I don't want to just go to a registry office and get married then do the party as I'll always think of our actual marriage as our date and I don't think we'd get round to the party as there would be no real reason to. We thought about going abroad just me, Dp and Ds (actually booked to do just that) but I changed my mind as I really want my mum there and my grandparents and close friends. Now we're just having a nice holiday instead as we'd paid deposit on that one too
Dp says by the time we've paid for the weddings we aren't actually having we could have just paid for the original one anyway.

Or when baby is around 3 months? But that would be a bigger (around 30/40, so not huge) wedding more like we'd planned for next autumn just earlier in the February. Spoke to the venue and went through dates available.