To think that this is what a ‘ beard’ is ?

[Soundsgoodtome]

This term seems commonplace lately but I wondered what it was . For example a close family member is asexual , his partner is heterosexual . He doesn’t like sex and won’t have it. She likes sex but accepts that he doesn’t . He wants a partner and a baby. She is desperate to be in a relationship and wants a baby too. He likes her very much and she loves him. He treats her only average. She worships him and allows him to treat her whatever way he wants to . He treats her as a casual partner . She drops everything and runs at his whims . Is this what a beard is . Somebody who knowingly acts as a partner even if they have a different sexuality and know that as a sexual person who craves sex, will not be sexually fulfilled but fulfilled in a different way? . Help me get my head round it.

It doesn't mean all that waffle, it just means a homosexual man's sexuality cover up female partner.

Sometimes the beard doesn't even know she's the beard!

no, a beard is a straight woman who acts as a closeted gay man's partner.

That just sounds like a bloody sad situation.

I was expecting to see a beardy chin! There have been a couple of threads recently complaining about unwanted facial hair!

Ah I thought it could be any sexuality . It’s their whole situation is hard for me to understand so please excuse my ignorance

No. What you're describing is a thoroughly dysfunctional relationship.

@singlenotsingle 🤭😃

I thought facial hair too. I"m such an innocent 😂

His partner is fully aware of his preferences and lack of sexual interest and goes along with it

. It’s their whole situation is hard for me to understand so please excuse my ignorance

Why do you need to understand it?

it sounds dysfunctional, why does she act as if she is the lesser person?

'Beard' is a person acting as a disguise for someone's sexuality. So a gay actor with a regular girlfriend so the press don't find out.

Because he asked to talk to me about a few issues in his relationship and I hadn’t heard of that situation before

It just depends whether they each get what they need from the relationship. He is, at the moment- a family. She doesn't seem to be, because she isn't getting a full relationship. She would do better to find a partnership which is more equal.

As others have said that's not a beard. Just a strange relationship.

Amal is one.

And Bradley Coopers partner. Allegedly.

I'm never sure about Amal. She's gorgeous, smart, successful. Surely she could have found a heterosexual man? Or is she gay too?

Allegedly. Meant to say...

Amal!!!! Shocked at that. I would have thought that she had it all but then maybe she is also gay? @pickle.. he is getting a partner who will go along with his wants and needs and she is getting a partner who doesn’t abuse/ humiliate/treat her like rubbish, which is what she has had all through her dating years . They both want a child. He is financially and otherwise stable and has it all to the public . She comes from a tough life with no stability, money , education and she wants this for herself and future children . So their needs are being met . He thinks he is fantastic as all her family and friends can’t believe she has been so fortunate to find this man. They don’t know about the asexuality . Our family are happy for him that he has met someone as his relationships never last more than a few months tops and he is always broken up with .

A partner/lover who is in place to hide your sexuality:

But does that sexuality have to be homosexuality?

I understand a beard to be a straight person acting as a boyfriend / girlfriend to a gay person of the opposite sex, to help disguise their homosexuality. I did this for a friend of mine in the late 80's early 90's, he worked at a very conservative law firm and at the time wouldn't have been accepted/promoted if he had come out.

she is getting a partner who doesn’t abuse/ humiliate/treat her like rubbish, which is what she has had all through her dating years .

I'm not sure she's getting any of that.

She sounds like she has very low esteem and he is hugely taking advantage of that and using her. He sounds a nasty piece of work.

What on Earth that has to do with covering up someone's sexuality I don't know.

I can see it with the Italian aforementioned wife of an A list actor.

She is beautiful and successful but she wasn't getting any younger for having kids and marrying this actor has literally propelled both of them to Hollywood royalty status - she has money, fame and a lifestyle she never would have had otherwise so there's a lot in it for her.

In her situation I definitely would have considered it.

But does that sexuality have to be homosexuality?

Generally, it means homosexuality. I suppose it could be applied to asexuality as well.

However, I think a beard is a 'fake' relationship (to at least one of the people. One might not know.) This just sounds like a dysfunctional compromise.