To think that this is what a ‘ beard’ is ?

[Soundsgoodtome]

This term seems commonplace lately but I wondered what it was . For example a close family member is asexual , his partner is heterosexual . He doesn’t like sex and won’t have it. She likes sex but accepts that he doesn’t . He wants a partner and a baby. She is desperate to be in a relationship and wants a baby too. He likes her very much and she loves him. He treats her only average. She worships him and allows him to treat her whatever way he wants to . He treats her as a casual partner . She drops everything and runs at his whims . Is this what a beard is . Somebody who knowingly acts as a partner even if they have a different sexuality and know that as a sexual person who craves sex, will not be sexually fulfilled but fulfilled in a different way? . Help me get my head round it.

You know I am amazed that people think its ok to speculate wildly on line about individuals sexuality. In 2019 does anyone really think that anyone of George Clooney or Bradley Coopers level of fame could really have swerved a kiss and tell story? I think it;s quite rude to their wives.

If he's so sodding asexual, maybe he shouldn't be having any relationships, since they are guaranteed to go bad because he's only in them for his own convenience, not because he cares for the other person?

Asexual people can and do have relationships, asexual people can fall in love. The guy in question is a user but that is not because he's asexual.

@PunkRockHippy

How is asexuality a sexuality at all though - it is lack of sexuality. Atheism isn’t a religion.

So how would you define my sexuality then, if not asexual?

I’ve no idea - who do you like having sex with?

Nobody. Because I'm asexual, but apparently that's not a sexuality.

He's not treating her well
It all seems on his terms. Interesting that you have no respect for her but you think he's just fine.

Sounds like perhaps you don’t have a particular sexuality then, or the concept of sexuality just isn’t relavent for you. It’s not obligatory, clearly

Sexuality is the answer to "who are you attracted though", right? So, "no-one" clearly is a sexuality. Saying it isn't rather implies that you're putting it on the same footing as "you just haven't met the right person yet" which it isn't.

Well thanks for invalidating my sexuality. I guess I should tell everyone that they can't call themselves asexual anymore. I guess i need to cover my tattoo then.

You seem to be actively looking to take offence here. A stranger on the internet with a different view of the world from you can’t ‘invalidate’ you, that’s plainly ridiculous. You do you.

Anyways OP, apologies for being sidetracked and derailing the thread. Your family member’s and her partner don’t sound well matched. A beard is a woman who publicly dates a gay man in order for him
to maintain a presence of heterosexuality socially. Hence ‘beard’ - giving a veneer of masculinity (in a stereotyped sense). The situation you describe just sounds like one person getting what they want by taking advantage of someone who will set aside their own needs. And she’s clearly not masking anything very well for him if you know so much about their sex life (or rather lack thereof!)

I hope that these 2 don't have a baby. He currently has a full on social life and finds travelling an hour round trip to see his "partner" a pita. i dread to think how he'd behave as a father. He is totally taking advantage of this woman with low self-esteem and any child will end up being screwed up if they witness this relationship dynamic. Heartbreaking for her.

@Soundsgoodtome
He likes her very much and she loves him. He treats her only average. She worships him and allows him to treat her whatever way he wants to . He treats her as a casual partner . She drops everything and runs at his whims.
This ^^ and your later posts indicate a dysfunctional relationship and the possibility for a very unhappy future, particularly for her.

He is financially and otherwise stable and has it all to the public . She comes from a tough life with no stability, money , education and she wants this for herself and future children .
Will she be financially dependent on him? What happens if, somewhere along the way, either one of them decides this relationship no longer works for them but there is now a child to take into account?

He doesn’t think he treats her badly but the rest of the family does. It's already causing questions from other family members.

I don’t think she will be financially dependant on him although her work pays a basic hourly rate . I know he really values the idea of one parent staying at home when children are young but I’m not sure if that would be feasible . We have a family wedding next week where he will bring her and is terribly excited at introducing her to everyone . She is also looking forward to it very much. It seems like the next big step bit I am
Going to speak with him about it all based on the overwhelming thoughts on here .he sees no wrongdoing at all. In fact he almost laudes himself as he is so honest aamd straight talking with her , so there is no ambiguity about the nature of their relationship .

"I don’t think she will be financially dependant on him although her work pays a basic hourly rate . I know he really values the idea of one parent staying at home when children are young but I’m not sure if that would be feasible ."
Again, you see but you don't see Soundsgoodtome. You know he really values one parent at home, but you don't see that he will express that to her and she will defer to him and be that parent at home, FINANCIALLY DEPENDENT ON HIM. It's pretty much inevitable, given their dynamic.

And how are you going to raise all this with him? What are you actually going to say?

I post originally as I could not make sense of their situation and he was asking g for advice . To say I’m shocked by responses is an understatement but they have opened my eyes to the reality. I now feel I can advise him but suggesting that he lets this girl
Go as he obviously doesn’t have strong feelings towards her by his actions and however honourable he thinks he is, I am going to give him my own thoughts on what I see( now) I am going to gently suggest that while she may be happy to go along with no sexual relationship right now that she may get frustrated and resentful in the future and if there are children involved especially, that is going to bring on a shitstorm of epic proportions that nobody will win.. most of all, the children . That because she feels like going along with the charade now, doesn’t mean she cannot change her mind in the future and if he has considered that.