Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To think parents evening is pointless

97 replies

Whatwaslostandfound · 04/04/2019 04:56

God this sounds awful BUT

I never learn anything!
Ten years of
She's quiet, she struggles but she tries. She doesn't like to speak out in class etc.

She did have a complete wobbler of a year but I knew because school already communicate if there is a problem and a five minute slot can't cover this.

Last night was the first parents evening I've ever had (last one before GCSEs ) where I was told anything valuable where they had a literal breakdowns on what she needed to do to go up a grade in GCSE. This was fab!

Usually it feels like a waste of time.
Seriously send me the report home and add a bit on about what specifically they are struggling with , invite me in if there is an issue and save yourself four hours and that would have done me!

I do support her massively but I don't want to sit there once a term and be told the same thing for ten years.

I want to know what specifically I can do to help her and you don't have time for that in a tiny slot.

OP posts:

JustHereWithMyPopcorn · 04/04/2019 17:28

I had a post about parents evening yesterday and went to it last night and actually found it very useful. Probably the most useful so far. DS in year 10 so don't know whether at this age they start to become more focused rather than general chat?

CallmeKaren · 04/04/2019 17:30

To me I think it's a time to get a one to one to get a general overview of them, without it being instigated due to a 'problem'. Teachers can seem to be an elusive sort who are hard to pin down, so it's nice to get a feel for how they're doing.

Babygrey7 · 04/04/2019 17:36

for me parents evenings are always full of surprises

Oldest DS is a bit of a dark horse. Some evenings are awful, some entertaining, some great. But I never know what I am going to get.

I also like to get a "feel" for the teacher, and it makes it easier to contact them once you have met them

CuckooCuckooClock · 04/04/2019 17:42

As a teacher I’m not keen. Mainly because it means I don’t get to see my own dc that day and the next day I’m exhausted and my teaching suffers.
I do find it interesting meeting parents though. Sometimes I feel really sorry for the kid because the parent makes it all about them.
I think it’s a good way of proving that I do care about their dcs education and that I don’t hate them and pick on them which is often what their dc have told their parents.

NewSchoolNewName · 04/04/2019 17:46

My DC are still in primary school, but so far I’ve found parents evening useful as a general rule.

More so for the DC who struggles at school, but still useful for the DC who copes well at school.

Maybe I’d have found the parents evenings less useful if their previous school had been more honest in their termly written reports. I suspect they had a policy of only writing down the positive stuff, because there were several occasions where my struggling DC came home with a good termly report, and then in the parents evening the teacher told us about several things he was struggling with that weren’t even mentioned in the written report

ghostmouse · 04/04/2019 17:59

I make a point of going to every parents evening no matter what. It is important to me to connect with my children's teachers and find out what they have to say and, equally importantly, it lets their teachers and them see that their education is important to me.

And if you work shifts what then?

I had a similar problem on my daughter's last parents evening..the school gave us the times 3 days before, I could not book annual leave as I have to give 2 weeks notice and i was on a 2 till 10 shift that day. Also could not shift swap or make the time up because again too short notice

Not everyone works part time or day shift or stays at home

blueskiesovertheforest · 04/04/2019 18:06

My mother always said to us (and I mean always, multiple times before each parents evening) that she was going despite the massive personal inconvenience and being really busy being very important "to show the teachers I'm a good mother". Even at 11 I thought wtf. It seems there are still a few like her about though!

MitziK · 04/04/2019 18:12

It's useful in some ways - in my case, it was rather enlightening to find out one of the beloved DC had been spinning yarns about an awful home life of constant housework whilst her evil mother lounged on the sofa drinking wine in a tracksuit and vest all day as though she were a latter day Cinderella, rather than somebody who was lying to me that she didn't have any homework because she'd completed it at lunchtime and all the books were kept in school so they didn't go missing and I was unable to afford to take any time off work/couldn't get permission anyway to check this sooner. Because she'd always been a 'good' child at home, I hadn't thought that she could be lying quite as much as she had.

I'd imagine it was quite a revelation to the unfortunate teacher who had been 'looking after' this poor, neglected soul to see that she'd been manipulated by a lazy teenager, too.

I also found out that the other DC, who had always been quite combative and contrary with me, was an absolute angel in school. So she could be pleasant if she wanted. I don't think she enjoyed her parents' evening that much, either.

However, this was before emailing and phoning teachers or having online access to attendance, punctuality, target and working at grades, behaviour and homework tasks was normal. I think the ability to check things without taking up staff time is one of the better aspects of current teaching methods.

MitziK · 04/04/2019 18:21

By the way, yes, most Year 10s start knuckling down to work by Christmas. There are always a few outliers who don't get their shit together (local phrasing is 'pattern up', apparently) until Year 11, but it is normal - partly, I think, because the initial horrors of puberty are fading, partly because they're actually doing subjects they have a vague interest in and partly because they've realised being a prat is actually more effort than just doing the work in the first place/staff aren't generally there because they want to make kids' lives miserable, they're there to give them the best start to their adult life.

Ragwort · 04/04/2019 18:30

I'm looking forward to our 18 year old DS's last ever parents' evening next week .

No doubt we will hear the same message that we've heard at every parents' evening since he was in reception: 'sociable, confident boy, talks too much in class, needs to focus more if he wants to achieve the grades he's capable of' .

The End.

ineedaknittedhat · 04/04/2019 18:30

Yes, they used to speak in euphemisms which is no good as I'm autistic and didn't understand what they were getting at. I used to just nod and smile, probably when it was bad news as well 😂

It gets better in the GCSE years and they become more specific about what the child needs to do.

Villanellesproudmum · 04/04/2019 18:39

My daughter is at High school and the teacher tend to talk to my daughter, they go through her weaknesses and strengths, I ask for advice on support websites etc.

Like another said it’s nice to actually see her school, canteen etc and where she spends so much time.

She has also bonded really well with a couple of teachers and it gives me a chance to say thank you to them face to face for their hard work and to let them know we appreciate them.

One of my daughters friends parents have never attended one and every year she gets upset, her parents email instead. It does mean they don’t actually see her work.

My parents never attended mine, at the time I thought it was great! Looking back now though I know they could have but just couldn’t be bothered or were interested.

LynetteScavo · 04/04/2019 19:58

I flipping love parents evenings!

There are things I don't like, and find it much easier to have an honest conversation if the D.C. aren't there.

I do get a bit emotional though, especially if D.C. are doing well when they've previously been struggling.

celticprincess · 04/04/2019 20:27

I’m a teacher and find them pointless but still turn up as a parent for my kids. The length of time isn’t long enough for one of my children who struggles. I repeat the same info about why she struggles to the teacher each year and it’s like they’ve never been told. I offer ways to help and clarify teaching methods (some ways I do maths are not the way they teach for example). The current teacher always goes something like “we did a test this week and she scored xyz”. I’m a bit like, wtf?? Her conversation is based on one test they’ve just done and not the entire term since we last met. My other child is less of an issue and I tend to here “she’s doing well, should get greater depth, has lots of friends and is well behaved, I really love teaching her blah blah blah oh but her handwriting needs improving”. Great. In and out no issues but nothing I didn’t know. This current school has their parents evenings in the hall and no chance of seeing children’s work. This is what I don’t like. I’m a teacher but haven’t done parent evenings for about 10 years so things may have changed. We used to put all their books in their tray and leave them in the waiting area for parents to look through. This would give some context to the things being discussed. I’ve never really seen examples of my own childrens’ work across the subjects (primary) other than when we have the weekly homework battle.

Stickladylove88 · 04/04/2019 21:04

We had one for dd yesterday (she's seven). We know that she is in the top ability group and she's never been in any trouble at school. We looked through her books before we went in and she had lots of well done stickers.

Yet when we met with her teacher it was completely negative. Not one positive comment. Real nit picky stuff that we can't really do all that much about. We felt so deflated afterwards and wished we'd not gone. It was so strange but it probably explains why dd hasn't been as happy at school this year if her teacher has nothing good to say about her.

blueskiesovertheforest · 05/04/2019 07:03

Ragwort shouldn't there be data protection issues about parents evenings for legal adults?

crosser62 · 05/04/2019 07:11

Useless and disheartening with ds 1, prob because they spouted doom & gloom, same thing all the time... can’t sit still, can’t concentrate, low level disruption.... but no, definitely does not have adhd in our opinion.

Ds2 different entirely, glowing and happy parents evening.

Ds1 is what we DONT want to hear...obviously, ds2 what we do want to hear so I think it’s the content of the meeting that makes it worthwhile or not.

The entire school experience for ds1 has been nothing short of hardship and torture, from beginning to now the end, parents evenings were just one more bashing stick for him. One more way of pulling him down.

Ragwort · 05/04/2019 07:28

blue, interesting point but surely there are lots of 18 year olds in sixth form departments and colleges which still have ‘parent evenings’. Presumably the 18 year old could refuse to allow their parents to discuss their work ? .

blueskiesovertheforest · 05/04/2019 07:50

Ragwort I only thought of it when I read your post which specified him being 18 rather than his school year. I turned 18 after my last A level exam anyway, but back in the early 90s my 6th form college didn't run parents evenings nor send reports because we were in non compulsory education and to be treated as adults (some student doing A levels following GCSE retakes were 19 and even 20 which further emphasised this). I only ever taught in year 7-11 schools, and my kids are all under 18, so it never occurred to me either before!

Where I live now my 13 year old can legally leave school in 16 months time

Universities can't discuss anything about their students with parents as I understand it, and some summer born straight from school university students even in England will start university having only just turned 18 - younger in Scotland potentially, though I don't know anything about the rules there.

The change in the compulsory education rules must have muddied the waters but I wonder how it can be acceptable under data protection laws to discuss an 18 year old with their parents without the 18 year old's consent. Perhaps it's just that nobody's challenged it...

greathat · 05/04/2019 07:56

As a teacher they are mostly a waste of time. The ones you want to see never come. I usually use it as a reminder to tell kids how they should be revising in front of their parents in the hope what they do changes, but it very rarely makes a difference

blackteasplease · 05/04/2019 08:02

I find them useful. We discuss lots of things as and when they arise but the academic progress is usually discussed at parents evening, with any suggestions to help at home.

Cobblersandhogwash · 05/04/2019 08:25

I find them useful.

I also think it's helpful for teachers to see parents as actively interested and supportive of both the dcs and the teaching.

Flip

1 2 3 4