Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To think parents evening is pointless

97 replies

Whatwaslostandfound · 04/04/2019 04:56

God this sounds awful BUT

I never learn anything!
Ten years of
She's quiet, she struggles but she tries. She doesn't like to speak out in class etc.

She did have a complete wobbler of a year but I knew because school already communicate if there is a problem and a five minute slot can't cover this.

Last night was the first parents evening I've ever had (last one before GCSEs ) where I was told anything valuable where they had a literal breakdowns on what she needed to do to go up a grade in GCSE. This was fab!

Usually it feels like a waste of time.
Seriously send me the report home and add a bit on about what specifically they are struggling with , invite me in if there is an issue and save yourself four hours and that would have done me!

I do support her massively but I don't want to sit there once a term and be told the same thing for ten years.

I want to know what specifically I can do to help her and you don't have time for that in a tiny slot.

OP posts:

Slowknitter · 04/04/2019 11:10

I find them fairly pointless as a teacher and a parent. As a teacher, even when you do get to see the parents you really need to see, it is vanishingly rare for your advice to bring about any actual change in the student's attitude or work. After all, you've probably given that same advice to the students themselves umpteen times.

As a parent I liked going to dd's first Year 7 parents' evening, but only really because I was curious to check out what her teachers were like. I get all the info I need from the regular progress reports they send home (attainment grade and attitude grade).

outpinked · 04/04/2019 11:19

A few of my close relatives are primary school teachers and I have been told that parents who don’t attend parents evenings tend to be the shit parents who don’t care about their children’s education in the slightest.

I generally enjoy parents evenings because I also teach (albeit FE level in a college) and I don’t get chance to talk to my DC’s teachers during the week.

MixedColours · 04/04/2019 12:12

I found them helpful. Because I think you get a different "energy" from face-to-face interaction. Typed words are always a bit cold and teachers are probably careful. Also, I was always pleasantly surprised at how nice and energetic the teachers were, even with tricky pupils .

I can't say I actually enjoy them or look forward to them, all the hassle and charging about and my DS's school often organise them badly. But usually its worth it and feel good after it (my son won't come though now he's a teenager ).

Mia1415 · 04/04/2019 12:23

I have found the complete opposite. I learn how my son is doing, about their methods of teaching so that I can support at home and get to build a relationship with the teacher (I work FT so don't get to see much of them).

My son comes with me and waits and then he gets to show me all his work.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 04/04/2019 12:43

The ones for my kids that struggle are very helpful. For my smart kid, not so much, because he’s easily hitting all targets.

bigKiteFlying · 04/04/2019 13:04

Last one was first time I was allowed to meet actual subject teachers - before it was one teacher relaying what the others had said - they were quite good at chasing things up for me and did know the children it’s also quicker but much less direct.

Meeting actual teachers was interesting but yes only a few felt useful – and we were aware there were issues it was more agreeing language speaking need to happen more in lessons and spelling is an issue potentially impacting on grades and school isn’t offering any help so DD1 needs to work with us at home.

Where we did ask for ways to support at home there wasn't much coming back.

I would like more detailed reports - we get a list of grades and one/two word statement on attitude and then some traffic light colours - no explanations and no comments. With out parent eveinings I'd feel even more in the dark.

BarbarianMum · 04/04/2019 13:10

Y7 I didn't find useful because I wasn't used to the secondary school format and neither was ds. Y8 parent's evening was much more useful as I was prepared and had specific questions.

chillpizza · 04/04/2019 13:27

I find it’s always the same.

Ds is on track for the expected/is working above, could improve hand writing.

Dd is on track or working above, loves reading and writing.

Add grumpy teacher and we get crap like truely surpassed expectations on X test but don’t believe this to be truely representative as we believe they just knew the text already. Sod off I know my child and I know damn well that score is represented throughout all similar. Apparently every child got dragged down by that teacher nobody got a purely positive feedback. Then again I can’t name a single child that’s had that particular teacher and says they like them.

steppemum · 04/04/2019 13:36

I see what you are saying, but there is one aspect of parent's evening which has been really important for all my dc.

dc come with us, even in Primary and there were various times when the teacher said to one or other of the dc - she/he is great, a pleasure to teach, etc etc. each time, I can see that my dc had no idea that the teacher had a good opinion of them. I could see them visibly grow in statue. Now, I know for a fact that the teacher had said this more than once in class, but hearing it in the context of parent's evening, in front of parents was really important. It is really powerful to have your teacher speak well of you to your parents and pull out things you have done to show them your good work.

ds, in secondary, went to each parent's evening warning me that x teacher didn't like him, and y teacher was mean, and then sat there as the teachers' said - ds is a great kid, obviously clever, loads to contribute, I wish he would speak up more. Yes he chats too much, but he knows that, he is doing well. Well done ds.
Each time ds came away really surprised at the nice things the teachers said, and it was really good for him, especially as he suffers from a teenage case of The World is Against Me.

When we have had actual issues, we have talked ot the teacher at the time, there shouldn't be any unexpected surprises.

Ted27 · 04/04/2019 13:40

I like them. My son has some disabilities and whilst I would know if something major was wrong, I usually pick up useful snippets.
His teachers are also amazing and its the only chance I get to say thank you to them

aspoonfulofyourownmedicine · 04/04/2019 13:43

We get a half hour 1:1 slot with our DS teacher, which is really helpful. We read his work books and his teacher comments/targets while waiting to be seen and go in for 30 mins to discuss his progress, any concerns etc. Without these, we wouldn't have the support we have with our DS awaiting an ASD diagnosis.

I assume this will change in secondary school however, DS is in yr 5 primary.

EstrellaDamn · 04/04/2019 13:43

The format of them is a bit useless but the thing is, if you work, have kids who generally behave, and are never in the playground at pick-up time, parent's night might be the only time you ever meet the person who is in charge of your child for 6 hours a day.

So for that reason I wouldn't want to lose them.

steppemum · 04/04/2019 13:44

There was a thread on here a few weeks ago, where someone had received a letter from the school, saying 'parent's evening is 2pm til 7pm on 3rd April' (or something similar.) And you WILL come. NO EXCUSES as everyone will be able to come at some point during these hours!'

actually, what that letter said was, parents' evening has been on the calendar for 6 months, and appointments are available from 2:30- 7:30. We feel that is sufficient for everyone to make arrangements to come if they want to. Please do not try and make an alternative appointment on another day, as the teachers are busy enough and cannot re-do parents evening every night for the next 3 weeks.

not quite the same thing really is it?

steppemum · 04/04/2019 13:58

Oh, and at dds this time (year 9), one of her teachers commented on the poor quality of her homework, which we discovered was being done on the train. So that was handy, we could do something about that!

madeyemoodysmum · 04/04/2019 14:40

I love my dd form tutor. She is brilliant and such a lucky break for dd. Children have to sit in the appointment.

I like parents evening so we can get her great ideas at encouraging dd to speak up more.

Other teachers I’m not so fussed about until gcse starts.

Ds primary one was very useful this year. Others have been hit and miss. Depends on the teacher.

1shotcappuccino · 04/04/2019 15:12

Waste of time in secondary. We get five minute appointments, which is just like a quick chat. Would much prefer a paragraph of useful information from each teacher. It is also a really long day for the teachers and pupils. 8am to 7pm straight through

Tensixtysix · 04/04/2019 15:19

I used to find them stressful with my DD1 as she was very quiet and took everything to heart. But she always did her work and the teachers were very happy with her.
But it didn't stop her bursting out in tears when being praised.
At least DD2 speaks more and doesn't get emotional.
Still does well at school.
Eldest DD1 is now at college and much better at not getting emotional.

CarmineStarman · 04/04/2019 16:30

I teach secondary and do find them quite useful. There are many pupils whose level of backchat massively decreases with a parent sitting next to them.

TabbyMumz · 04/04/2019 16:51

Parents evenings were the only time we got to meet the teachers that was helpful, however a 5 min slot is just ridiculous. You just about managed to get in a "hello", teacher to us "how is he settling in", us :"You tell us", and "oh, he's ok" then "bye, nice to meet you.

QueenofCBA · 04/04/2019 17:06

I only go to parents’ evenings because I know that school will come after me if I don’t “engage”.
I am a teacher, too. Usually the parents I would like to see don’t come or I am already in contact with them. It’s a pleasure to have a chat with parents of kids who do well, but it’s also a complete waste of time.
I don’t quite have the guts to do what one of my very old school colleagues does: she has stickers that say “your child is doing fine in my subject, please don’t come to see me at parents’ evening”.

hettie · 04/04/2019 17:08

Hopefully a teacher will now be able to tell me how I do find out how did is doing (yr 7). Parents evening not that enlightening (although his science test results were helpful). No clue can be gleaned from his books, and he can't seem to tell me.....Am baffled

Hiddenaspie1973 · 04/04/2019 17:17

Yanbu.
Teachers have to be so pc that I'm convinced they tell every parent the same vanilla platitudes. Zzzzzzz.
Then they show you numbers on a sheet and smile and nod. Then you say thank you, bye.

Springiscomingsoon · 04/04/2019 17:21

I find them useful so I can judge the teachers! This helps me understand his report and grades more.
My son kept moaning that he was struggling to understand his maths teacher. I totally understood after five/ten mins with said teacher at parents eve. She was just awful at communicating. Thus I know there's more hope for next year when the teachers change and it's not ALL down to him. Plus I can offer support at home.

tor8181 · 04/04/2019 17:24

try attend a parent evening for a non verbal child who couldnt read or write

complete waste of time,took him out in the end

formerbabe · 04/04/2019 17:27

I never learn anything new either. Everything the teacher tells me from their work to their behaviour is exactly what I knew already.

However, I really appreciate parents evening and the teachers giving up their evening.

It is beneficial as my dc know I'm interested and engaged with their education.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread