To be fed up of posters who deny something happens based only on the fact it hasn't happened to them

[MrsGideon]

Twice in the last 10 minutes I have opened a thread where a woman is talking about a man or men acting in a creepy or inappropriate way towards her, and both times the first poster to reply has come out with something like "well it's NEVER EVER happened to me so you must be wrong" or "don't generalise because 99.99999% of men are perfect and would never do this", or even "you're misconstruing it OP, it's completely normal and you shouldn't blow things out of proportion".

For fucks sake, when women aren't even believed by OTHER WOMEN it's a fucking bleak world to live in.

To the posters who do this: are you so wrapped up in your own little bubble that you can't comprehend that other people's experiences could differ from your own? Does it make you feel superior to post your comment admonishing women for feeling uncomfortable and silencing their experiences?

Just stop it.

[ScreamScreamIceCream]

@EleanorOalike I've had friends' stalked by men and a partner stalked by a woman. The person stalking my partner was a threat to my child.

Not a nice experience. There are just shitty people in this world.

[Yabbers]

I think it happens, but I don’t agree with your examples.

To me it happens more with things like people saying they can’t believe anyone would spend x amount on y. Or wouldn’t notice a payment missing, or “I was a teacher and that never happens” or “I’m a nurse and that isn’t real”

The example you have were a bit more nuanced and that thread did come across as this is a man thing and it’s bad whilst people were making some good points about society not talking to each other and trying to give another view. Nobody said that didn’t happen, just discussed different ways of approaching it.

I also agree that the drip drip drip of things escalated to prove the OP must be telling the truth will come across as being less than honest and that can be a problem.

[clairemcnam]

Also I have very heavy and long periods. Been checked out for it and told it was normal for me. Only solution offered was to go on the pill, which I did not want to do.
Quite a few posters seem to think if you have very heavy long periods it means something is wrong with you. But sometimes this is just the way your body works.

[clairemcnam]

graphista Sorry your DCs experience that. I have had servers in cafes ask the person I am with if I want the optional extra with what I just ordered. Or if I am paying for something, giving the money back to who I am with as if I am a tiny child play acting at paying for myself.

[clairemcnam]

Also if an OP talks about an elderly parent in their 60s or 70s who is frail, anxious, gets confused or needs care, there are always those who say - that is not old, my parent is in their 80s works full-time and climbs mountains in their spare time. As if it is at all relevant.

[Graphista]

"Oh @Graphista add to your list ageism in the form of younger parents and older parents"

Not even just that - see discussions on nmw where several of us argue that differentiating based on age is discriminatory, or again in terms of treatment from institutions -

Again Nhs, financial, govt depts...

My mum is in her 70's and is frequently pissed off that many places just assume she can't handle IT (worked her entire career on computers and frequently ends up schooling such prejudiced prats on how to use their site/app more efficiently), or finances (again this was often her job! Plus she's a qualified bookkeeper) or that she doesn't understand her meds or conditions (she recently educated her supposed specialist diabetes nurse on new research on diet management of diabetes which she applied to herself and put her diabetes in remission).

It's bloody insulting!

Claire - no offence but long heavy periods are not normal and there is usually an underlying cause. When you say "checked out" does that include an exploratory lap? Because that's really the only way endo can be checked for and those symptoms would tie in. Does that include checking for non gynae conditions that can affect periods? Might be worth considering.

[MrsGideon]

I think it happens, but I don’t agree with your examples.

To me it happens more with things like people saying they can’t believe anyone would spend x amount on y. Or wouldn’t notice a payment missing, or “I was a teacher and that never happens” or “I’m a nurse and that isn’t real”

With all due respect, Yabbers, don't you see that you've just done exactly what I'm talking about?

No one actually knows which two threads I'm talking about. But to be honest it's not even just about those threads. It's every thread where a woman is talking about an experience they've had with a man. It's inevitable that someone will come along and say "well that's never happened to me so I don't believe you".

[Graphista]

Claire I'm sorry for your experiences. My friends/family with visible physical disabilities, particularly wheelchair users regularly experience the same things you've said.

My gran was wonderfully blunt about it. Often saying things like "I've lost the use of my legs not my brain!" Or "that's my change give it to me I paid I'm the customer" "I'm in a wheelchair that doesn't mean I'm deaf or daft!"

But even she often was too tired/fed up to deal. It gets very wearing!

[clairemcnam]

Graphista No not an exploratory lap. Scans yes. And this is how my periods have been since I was a teenager, so for 40 years.

[Graphista]

Claire I'm sorry for your experiences. My friends/family with visible physical disabilities, particularly wheelchair users regularly experience the same things you've said.

My gran was wonderfully blunt about it. Often saying things like "I've lost the use of my legs not my brain!" Or "that's my change give it to me I paid I'm the customer" "I'm in a wheelchair that doesn't mean I'm deaf or daft!"

But even she often was too tired/fed up to deal. It gets very wearing!

[MadameAnchou]

YANBU.

[DirtyDennis]

I completely agree and I think this goes the other way too.

Ages ago I (under a different username) shared a story of how, at 19, I'd seduced a guy in a pretty outrageous campaign of flirting and temptation. I was accused of both lying (because other MNers didn't do anything so wicked when they were 19 and couldn't imagine their 19 year old daughters doing it either), and being groomed.

I was actually furious because I had no way to prove I wasn't lying and no way to argue that I wasn't being groomed. When I went away and thought about it, I couldn't help but feel there was a degree of "silencing" or "denying" my 19-year old sexuality because it didn't fit within the comfortable, misogynistic, idea about young women's sexuality.

[WeepingWillowWeepingWino]

can I just say to everyone who is bring up examples of stuff that is not what the OP is talking about - you're kind of doing the same thing - derailing by making the thread about what you want to discuss.

[Graphista]

I'm appalled on your behalf claire. The fact you've always had this also supports a possible endo DX

[clairemcnam]

Graphista I am blunt often, but yes sometimes you just get too tired to challenge it.
What is more annoying is when people, like some posters on MN, don't believe it happens or maybe will accept it happened once, rather than being something that happens reasonably regularly.

[Science9]

Totally agree, OP. I've seen this so many times on here and it really annoys me

[chestylarue52]

I've had two recent extreme examples of creepy men.

[clairemcnam]

graphista Just done quick reading on it. I had a pelvic exam and ultrasound. But the treatments are hormone treatments like the pill or coil, both of which I have been offered and turned down. So even if I did have this, it would not make any difference, I still would have to just put up with it.

[Willow2017]

Totally agree op.

Sick to death of people rushing to tell posters it couldnt possibly happen because it never happened to them.

Well.i have never beeen murdered but i know they happen!

What Graphista says sums it up.
I get the particular rage at the period threads. After years and years of horrendous periods none of which were due to medical problems it was just my periods my body hates me, i get fucked off when people insist there must be somethimg wrong with you if you have long very heavy periods and you need to go to GP tomorrow for an instant cure (like that ever happens)

If something is far fetched then it may be a wind up.but i know people who.have gone through stuff people on here would dismiss out of hand as they have no experience of it.
Minimising misogyny and harassment also get me going. What chance have women.got when.other women are excusing mens vile behaviour?

Just stop.and think for a moment. Do you.really want to pile in on someone who is having a problem or going through a terrible time and just wants to let off steam, needs a bit of advice and support? If you do does it make you feel.superior or give you.a buzz to be so awful to some anonymous person that you wouldnt dare say in rl? You are not psychic you do not know if it is true or not. If you suspect its not report it. If you are just being nasty then take your patronising crap and jog on to something that you.actually know about and do us all a favour.

[Gronky]

I think there's a fine line and plenty of misinterpretation of intent. For example, I've read a few well it's NEVER EVER happened to me but can't think of having read so you must be wrong. Additionally, when I do read variations of NAxALT, it usually seems to be in response to AxALT rather than just a specific story about an individual in isolation.

I understand that it can be frustrating when you're more looking for a space to vent and have a natter about how awful a particular group of people is, rather than a discourse about the merits of your views. (I realise this sounds a little goady, I don't mean to suggest one is more valid than the other).

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I was constantly harassed in the street and it started at 11. It was creepy, totally creepy and the apologists piss me off. I behaved differently, dressed differently, went to different places and the creepy men merrily went on their way.

It has been 30 years now, trailing off in the last few but it still happens. Two men have come to my defence. Two in thirty years. So NAMALT but a lot of men are, they affect almost all women, and too few are willing to stand up and be counted.

[Graphista]

Claire can I pm you? Hormones are not the only treatments.

On being disbelieved generally - a friend of mine who knows me very well once said I ought to write a book! I've dealt with so much, I said to her nobody would believe all that happened to one person, she agreed. Not because she disbelieved me but because she knows it all and it is bonkers!

[clairemcnam]

I posted on here once when I was having a really hard time, a few posters insisted I was making it up. I wasn't, and it really did not help.

I know though there are trolls on here, so I understand how with some topics it is easier for people to suspect that. It is annoying seeing an obvious pervert troll thread and innocent women sharing their stories for the troll to wank over.

But what the OP is talking about is different. Its not usually that people suspect a troll. They just do not believe some women experience a level of misogyny and harassment because they never have.

[clairemcnam]

graphista Yes of course

[Willow2017]

Gronky
Well i have seen plenty people telling others that they must be exaggerating or its not true as that has never happened to them so cant be true.

Its such a ridiculous idea that something you have no experience of cannot ever happen to anyone else but some peole are so full of themselves that they believe it.