Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In finding my partner irritating when he does stuff like this?

61 replies

Linet · 03/04/2019 09:09

On the whole we have a good relationship, I do love him we have a lot in common and mny shared interests. But (there's always a but isn't there) some things are annoying me but I don't know if it's just me or not.

He always complains theres no food for him to eat. We don't live together but he spends most weekends at my house. I have cut out most crap from my diet so don't ever have crisps, chocolate, cake etc (as well as butter and full fat milk and cheese) in the house He moans about this and how there is nothing for him. If he buys his own stuff and my teen DC eat it (not realising it's his special food) he gets the right hump. Ditto if we're out and he says 'is there bread at home' and I say yes (because there was when I last checked) but when we return home there's barely any, or none. That's my fault.

He criticises my driving a lot, I'm either too hesitant or drive too fast.

He's never happy with how much quality time we spend together or our sex life. He refuses to have sex at my house because of my DC being there. However as he's away in the week with work it means I would have to travel to where he works/ stays which I've said I dont want to do (as I only have 1 free eve in the week and like to spend it with my DC) so thats me wanting it all on my terms apparently.

He can say things to me as a joke and tell me to lighten up if I don't llfind it funny. Yet if I say anything vaguely critical to him he gets mortally offended (last month he didn't send his DM a card/ present for her birthday as he was busy...I said partly in jest that didnt make him a good son. He had a proper huff and kept on about it for days).

Aibu to find this stuff annoying? There's other minor things like he's quite messy, and doesn't care for practical stuff (like at the weekend if I say I need to do housework he'll be po faced because he wants to go out and do things...and he'll never help really either aside from stuff he likes such as cooking. But I still have to ĺwash up).

OP posts:
MRex · 03/04/2019 09:13

It doesn't sound like you two enjoy being together. Better to find someone else really.

Blondebakingmumma · 03/04/2019 09:16

Does he have any good qualities?
I’m not sure I could date someone like him

TwitterQueen1 · 03/04/2019 09:17

Ummmmm this is not a 'good relationship', nor is it a loving or supportive one. Why are you with this man?

TheLastNigel · 03/04/2019 09:19

What are his good points? None of that sounds great at all tbh

Original poster
Linet · 03/04/2019 09:20

Thing is we are generally happy together and do get on well on many levels. He is very encouraging of me achieving personal goals and that kind of thing. I think he doesn't quite get sometimes how busy my life is working fulltime.

OP posts:
BerrowHarm · 03/04/2019 09:21

Trust me, life is too short for this kind of crap.

Set him free to find the doormat he wishes for.

Oceanbliss · 03/04/2019 09:25

Yanbu to be annoyed. I'd find it so annoying I think I would probably have to say something to him. If he didn't respect what I was saying to him I would need some time to myself to reconsider the relationship. Is he likely to improve his attitude towards me, are we compatible?

Shoxfordian · 03/04/2019 09:25

He sounds very difficult
Life is too short op

purplelass · 03/04/2019 09:25

It sounds to me like he's not happy unless you're focusing on his needs above all else...
You've listed about 10 bad things about him, can you list 11 or more good things? If not, maybe it's time to leave?

PBo83 · 03/04/2019 09:31

I don't think we can really comment if you only mention the things that annoy you. I can't think of any relationship I've been in where there aren't things that annoy me about my partner (and vice versa). It's up to you to decide if the good outweighs the bad and the 'minor irritations' are something you can live with.

Otherwise it's just a case of asking "Do you think these shit things are shit?" and expecting everyone to reply "YES, those shit things ARE shit!".

Take anyone's foibles out of the context of the full picture and of course they're going to look bad.

Bittern11 · 03/04/2019 09:34

That's loads of shit things! Do the good bits of your relationship really balance them all out??

19lottie82 · 03/04/2019 09:36

He should be able to bring food to your house without your teens demolishing it.

Original poster
Linet · 03/04/2019 09:38

I think on balance there is more good than bad otherwise I wouldn't still be with him. But I do find the examples above difficult to deal with and respond to. I end up saying nothing which is not in my nature. Maybe I need to push back more?

OP posts:
Original poster
Linet · 03/04/2019 09:41

Thing about the food is that I've never had food which my kids werent allowed to touch. They are used to food being fair game. If they know it's his they won't eat it - at Xmas he got a box of chocs from his parents, DC didnt touch it. But a loaf of bread, or some butter, ir crisps, they will help themselves if they think it's our food.

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 03/04/2019 09:42

He sounds horrible!

I'd get rid right now.

Deadringer · 03/04/2019 09:45

He is a right moaning Minnie. If my dh criticized my driving I would put him out of the car. He also sounds very selfish to me, you say that he is very encouraging of your achievements but is that only when they don't inconvenience him?

Daenerys77 · 03/04/2019 09:48

If he's spending most weekends at your place, and therefore consuming your food/water/electricity, he should not begrudge your children a bit of bread and butter. I'm sorry to be so blunt but this man sounds mean and petty.

spanishwife · 03/04/2019 09:52

if we're out and he says 'is there bread at home' and I say yes (because there was when I last checked) but when we return home there's barely any, or none. That's my fault.

Well, that is your fault.

QueenEhlana · 03/04/2019 09:56

But these aren't minor things. These are the fundamentals of living a happy, harmonious life. He doesn't 'share', he has a different approach to food than you do.

The driving thing is completely and utterly crap. Basically he thinks he's better than you and has a right to tell you that.

Sex and spending time together - you're a mother, you have to prioritise your children. He expects you to prioritise him, not them. This is NOT going to change.

Sense of humor/crap coming out of his mouth - you KNOW this is big. You KNOW that he can 'dish it out but he can't take it'. This is not going to change. He's very free with criticism, and turning them into jokes if you get 'upset' (either way it's your fault....)

He's crap with life chores - you live in the house, there are things that need doing. He's there a lot so he should be helping. He works away, and barely sees his own place. Of course there's very little work for him to do there. He messes your place up instead, yet won't help out.

Being supportive of you achieving your goals - does he actually DO anything to support you or is it all 'words'? Because it doesn't sound as though he's happy for anything that you do to personally impact on him or what he expects of you, eg spending time with him and what HE wants to do.

There's lots of people put there who are 'nice' but are totally shit to live with. You've got one of them. Don't make the mistake of thinking it will get better if you move in together, it won't, it will get worse.

Aside from that, great that you've cut out the crap from your diet, but not having any butter, cheese, biscuits or crisps available for your teens ever? No wonder they demolish what he buys. You sound a little rigid with your diet.

HollowTalk · 03/04/2019 09:59

So he doesn't want to share his food with your kids but he's happy to share their food?

Quite honestly he sounds like an entitled, selfish, thoughtless man who has never grown up.

Surely you deserve better than this?

ohfourfoxache · 03/04/2019 10:02

He’s a dick. Get rid Thanks

hellsbellsmelons · 03/04/2019 10:03

Jeez OP this is a complete no-brainer.
Re-read your OP.
End it and have a nice peaceful life without criticism or a needy man-child.

Boom76 · 03/04/2019 10:07

If your kids know that you’ve cut out all the crap food then surely they should know that if there is that kind of food in the house, then it’s his?

MashedSpud · 03/04/2019 10:09

He sounds more trouble than he’s worth.

VeronicaDinner · 03/04/2019 10:09

I agree there are some things you sound like you're not compromising on. I think it's a bit selfish of you that neither he nor your teens has access to basic foodstuffs because you are on a diet. Also, telling him you have bread in the house when you don't is annoying and shows a lack of insight on your part. You really should have bread in the house.