Expensive holiday club vs child maintenance

[notmyrealid]

Parent A has residence of 2 DC. Parent B has visitation for a couple of hours fortnightly, and pays quite good maintenance (around £1K/ month).
Parent A wants one of the children to attend a specialised Easter holiday club (STEM focused, with robotics and other fancy topics). The issue is that the club is quite posh (around £400 for a week, and not even for a full day). The child is of primary school age and there is no pressing educational need for them to attend.
Parent A asked for an additional contribution of £200 from Parent B towards the cost of the club. What is your opinion - should this be already covered by the regular maintenance payments or is Parent A reasonable in this request?

I actually think the cost of the club, while at the upper end, isn't unusual. These holidays I'm paying £60 per day for my son to do computer camp the first week (9:30am to 3pm) and about £70 per day for tennis camp (9am to 4pm). While expensive, either of those options are cheaper and more fun for him than paying a babysitter / holiday nanny (going rate is between £10-£12 per hour) or me or DH taking unpaid leave. (We are having a week off on holiday as a family too, when younger DS's nursery is shut over Easter).

Before anyone asks, yes, I live in London. Expecting to be told these costs are totally out of step with the rest of the country.

Parent B should pay it absolutely. He (I am assuming it is the father) has made his ex wife essentially a single parent as he provides no respite/support/help whatsoever other than financial.

Parent A is obviously trying to find an activity which develops skills and knowledge, parent B should support that, it's the least he can do.

Plus, £1k a month, it depends what proportion of his income that is. If he works such long hours and travels such a lot he could be on a high income, and it may be a reasonably small fraction of his earnings.

If this is the first school year for their oldest, then presumably they are only 4 or 5? In that case, I think it's reasonable to say that it's probably not worth that amount of money. If they were, say, 9 or 10, they would get more out of it and it would be different.

Parent B sounds like a poor excuse for a parent.

Maintenance and contact are 2 separate issues, people should stop conflating the 2. Plenty of happily married dads in high prsssure jobs see their young kids for ably a few hours a week.

If I was parent b I wouldn’t pay, if I was parent a I wouldn’t ask.

Plenty of happily married dads in high prsssure jobs see their young kids for ably a few hours a week. but he is not even managing that!

I don’t think people are mixing the two up they do raising a glaring issues that the Dad is having less contact with his children they probably have with the local lolly pop person.

Just seen the update and it's total b
Rubbish that parent a's half of the club will come out of their maintenance. 1k a month can be burnt through very quickly in London especially when your child's other parent is basically absent and offers no practical help at all.

Parent b should pay as much as possible to compensate for their shitty parenting.

I know lots of parents in high pressured jobs and none that only see their kid a few hours a week let alone a fortnight.

If you’re advising parent b, who can obviously afford it, the advice to give is : does it look like a good camp to go on? If so of course you’d support it? Unless you can take the week off to look after your child, I bet they would think that was Christmas.

I would totally send my kids to those camps if I had the money.

If that is true (I don't know as I don't have any experience of it) I think it's a bit shit that happily married dads in high pressure jobs only see their children a few hours a week too.

No amount of money could make up for only seeing my child a few hours a week and I wouldn't accept that in a partner either.

'He pays far in excess of the minimum legally required child maintenance'.

I'm sure that line is trotted out all the time by him/his family to justify his limited involvement in his child's life.

Money doesnt make up for the lack of a parent. The club might just give the child a boost and dome positive role models in a field they are interested in. I'd pay it if I were B.

Parent B sounds like a right nob and is totally clueless if they think parent A will have hundreds left out of his £1k per month maintenance payments. Those payments are meant to contribute towards housing (not exactly cheap in London where I presume they live), food, clothes, childcare (with a child in primary school parent A will have little opportunity to earn as much as she would otherwise).

Maintenance is set out to cover the child's day to day needs.

This is an extra and I cant see why Parent A wouldnt ask for half of an 'extra'- how she funds her half is up to her.

Does parent B take any annual leave to help with school holiday cover? Parent A may work part time but wont have the holidays to cover all school leave.

The mortgage/food/etc also come out of parent As monthly budget (which includes maintenance) parent A is going to find the 200 as it is valuable to child. If parent b can afford it he should pay.

Parent B seeing children a couple of hours per fortnight is awful. Both parents should work to resolve this.

Parent B has an unpredictable business travel pattern, and doesn't even have a permanent base in the UK to arrange overnights.

This is bullshit. Anyone who works away and travels often will tell you they don't get a call at 9pm on a Saturday saying "be at BHX in 90 minutes". Nobody works so many hours that they can't spend more than an hour in the company of a child; it's a conscious choice made by Parent B to avoid having to actually parent and, by definition, makes them an arsehole.

The STEM club is moot - the bigger issue is that the person you're exclaiming "pays over and above the CMS minimum" as though it's some kind of achievement is actually not a parent at all. Why aren't you telling Parent B to step up and parent their children?

Parent B sounds rubbish.

Your children are your priority. I am a lone parent. DS2 has seen his father once since last May. My professional commitments have taken a hammering. I can't throw money at "the problem" (nor do I want to, or think it would be the right thing to do), I don't have any one to hand over parental responsibility to.

I wonder if parent B has discussed their situation with their employer to try and find a way to see their children

Maintenance and contact are 2 separate issues, people should stop conflating the 2. Plenty of happily married dads in high prsssure jobs see their young kids for ably a few hours a week.

Total rubbish. I know lots of parents who work all hours and all have at least a day off most weeks and they choose to spend it with their kids. Anyone who didn't sure as hell wouldn't be happily married.

I'm sure if Parent B has such an important, high pressured career they can afford £200 to give their child a good opportunity.

I also think the whole "unpredictable work pattern" is such rubbish. Parent A doesn't have the luxury of deciding when they can or can't make time for their kid. They have to step up every night and day and be there for their child. Parent B sounds like they want an award for paying a small financial contribution towards their child. (The minimum maintenance payments are basically nothing so you don't get a prize for giving more than that).

Kids don't cost £1000 a month to bring up. Parent A is recieving a hell of a lot of money and imo is a cheeky twat for even considering asking for more. That £1000 is CHILD support. It should be used in the child. Plenty to pay for that club.

Parent a can ask, parent B can say no.

Either parents reaction/ overall costs will determine which is unreasonable.

Eg if A can not afford it and says we will ask your B to see if it is possible, and does not kick off. Reasonable.

If A can afford it and is using it to score points, unreasonable

If B can afford it, they need to take responsibility for explaining why they think it is not possible for child to go. If B can not afford extra then they are not unreasonable to refuse.

All depends on circumstances.

Kids don't cost £1000 a month to bring up. Parent A is recieving a hell of a lot of money and imo is a cheeky twat for even considering asking for more. That £1000 is CHILD support. It should be used in the child. Plenty to pay for that club.

Such an idiotic comment. Why is it cheeky to ask for your child to have an extra opportunity. Maybe Parent A made the mistake of assuming parent B actually loves their child and wants them to have nice opportunities.

The rest of your post is total rubbish too - why should the child be brought up on the absolute minimum when they're already missing out on a decent relationship with one of their parents. Parent B obviously earns a decent amount of money so why shouldn't their child have their own bedroom (which in housing costs in London will eat into most of that £1k) and get to do extra curricular, eat decent food, wear new clothes that fit them? Have days out? Yes they can live without these things but why should they when their dad is so committed to his career he can't even be bothered to make time for his kid.

Sounds like he has had a kid and can't be bothered to adapt his career for it at all where as the mum will have very little career opportunities at all.

A decent parent will want to provide extra opportunities to

This child is in Reception and wants to do a holiday club costing £400 for a week, not even full days?
I need to get in on this holiday club business.

Nothing idiotic about my comment. £1k is plenty to pay for this. Contact is a seperate issue yet so many people combine them in their thinking.
Since you think this woman must need all that money what would the replies be if the father chucked in his job for a much lower paid one to have more access? The nother would have to live with out that 1k if he did that. But then he'd be ripped apart on here for letting his child down. It's a no win.

If she wants to spent £400 on a holiday club for a child so young then that's on her. But I stand by that to ask for more money is wrong.

£1k is plenty to pay for this.

Really - you think you can find accommodation and pay for food and clothes and activities easily with 1k a month? What world do you live in? Yes it can be done but the child will be going without a lot and if one of the parents is in a high earning career why should the child be going without so much? Or being heavily subsidised by the taxpayer.