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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask people to take shoes off?

77 replies

billybobandsue · 01/04/2019 14:49

Not in my rooms with carpet just bathroom.
Only if they have heels on.
I got some new flooring about 8 weeks ago and every time before a night out my friends go in with heels on ...I've noticed heel marks all over the floor now :-(
Aibu to say can you take the heels off?

OP posts:
SpoonBlender · 01/04/2019 14:49

You will get 50/50 answers and the thread will be a shitshow. Just warning! :D

Abouttoovershareagain · 01/04/2019 14:52

Nothing wrong with that at all, everyone is asked to take their shoes off in my home... I tend to let people know beforehand if they've never visited before as some people can weird about it.

chazwomaq · 01/04/2019 14:53

It's weird if you ask only people with heels or only in one specific room. But if you ask everyone to take shoes off that's pretty normal I'd say.

Original poster
billybobandsue · 01/04/2019 14:54

I'm not bothered about getting the floor dirty etc
It's just incase it gets holes in it off the heels

OP posts:
fikel · 01/04/2019 14:54

Shoes off in my home, even if you wipe still bring in all sorts 💩

pink412 · 01/04/2019 14:54

Nothing wrong with it at all. I always ask if they would like me too, well unless the house is a dump and I can see inches of dust everywhere or you can’t see through the windows as they are that dirty

pansydansy · 01/04/2019 14:56

Isn't it common courtesy to just take your shoes off in anyone's house? We were always told to take our shoes of because it was respectful of people's homes and myself and my kids just do it naturally 🤷🏻‍♀️ same applies for my house. Who wants shoes on indoors when you've been treading on paths with piss, shit and spit! Grim..

doIreallyneedto · 01/04/2019 15:08

I would find that to be a really gross request. Bathrooms, even if cleaned regularly, harbour lots of germs. Have a look at this medium.com/the-physics-arxiv-blog/splashback-how-flushing-toilets-could-be-a-hidden-killer-in-american-hospitals-f2582b2d3bbb which includes a video created by scientists in MIT showing the distribution of bacteria when a toilet is flushed.

@pansydansy - Isn't it common courtesy to just take your shoes off in anyone's house? We were always told to take our shoes of because it was respectful of people's homes and myself and my kids just do it naturally

I would consider it rude if someone I don't know really well (family, close friend) took their shoes off in my house. It's really over familiar. We were always told never to take our shoes off in other people's houses as it's rude and disrespectful. That said, on the very rare occasion I encounter someone who does request shoes off, I will comply while making a mental note that they are rude and unwelcoming.

MeredithGrey1 · 01/04/2019 15:14

I don't think that's unreasonable at all. But it might be easier to just say no shoes in the house, rather than expecting people to remember to take them off when they go to the bathroom.

Greenlegobox · 01/04/2019 15:16

Family are not allowed to wear stilettos on the wood floor. They damage it. It's totally different to the dirt or germs debate.

filka · 01/04/2019 15:19

I live abroad and here it's absolutely normal to take off shoes when entering someone's home. Indeed, you wouldn't even think to keep shoes on unless clearly told by your host, which is pretty rare.

However, everyone keeps a few pairs of simple slip-on slippers around, some sized for men, some for women, so you don't wander around in stockinged feet.

A lot of homes here have real inlaid parquet flooring and stilettos can be devastating. Conversely, here the bathrooms are always tiled so wouldn't damage, but I guess if you have lino or equivalent as is more common in the UK then that would damage very easily.

So back at home in England we do the same, with a couple of pairs each of cheapo slippers from Primark. if you worry about hygiene, you can always put them in a bag in the freezer for a few hours - also good for your own shoes.

EscapeAnywhere · 01/04/2019 15:19

I would consider it rude if someone I don't know really well (family, close friend) took their shoes off in my house. It's really over familiar.

On what planet could you find that offensive?! I'm permenantly in hiking boots usually covered in at least a thin layer of mud.

I think you'd be mightily more offended if I trapsed the outdoors into your indoor carpets.

theycallmebabydriver · 01/04/2019 15:23

Run away OP, run like the wind whilst there's still time!!

Or pick something less controversial to ask about; maybe Israel/ Palestine ?

EscapeAnywhere · 01/04/2019 15:24

@doIreallyneedto also, that article only applies to toilets without lids.

Greenlegobox · 01/04/2019 15:24

If someone came to my house and took off their shoes I'd think they were mad. Unless they had riding boots or wellies. I'm in Ireland though and the only people who routinely didn't wear shoes in the house were Polish neighbours.

Thestral · 01/04/2019 15:24

I have parquet and I ask people to remove shoes with pointy heels - they can think me rude if they like, but if they ruin the floor they'll be getting a bill!

It's also a cultural thing, @doIreallyneedto - you would be judging people as rude and unwelcoming, but in the area where I live (extremely multicultural), you would probably be viewed as rude for not removing your shoes.

BlueJava · 01/04/2019 15:25

If people come in downstairs I am happy for shoes to stay on - because it's tiles all the way through. But upstairs and it's shoes off. YANBU.

redwoodmazza · 01/04/2019 15:26

A few years ago my husband and I were invited to meet our son's girlfriend's parents at their house. I wore a reasonably posh dress and knee high boots.
When the girlfriend invited us in, I noticed she didn't have shoes on and our son was already slipping his shoes off.
I felt I should take my boots off too BUT was only wearing ankle pop socks underneath!!!! I looked blooming ridiculous and felt so daft in front of her parents...

ltk · 01/04/2019 15:29

OP you have stumbled into a minefield that seriously divides the UK, as far as I can tell from Mumsnet. You could invite guests and spend all day shopping, cooking and cleaning to welcome them, but people like doireallyneedto will still think you offensive and rude if you ask them to take their shoes off.

It's really easy - just do as your hosts do, shoes on or off. Neither type of host means to offend. I am sure you will be a wonderful, welcoming host even if you need to protect the flooring. Grin

flirtygirl · 01/04/2019 15:31

I'm shles off but currently living in a dusty building site so shoes off in finished rooms but you need your shoes on the unfinished bits.

But generally I'm shoes off and I take them off unless asked not too.

It is cultural but I do secretly judge shoe on homes as being a little bit dirtier as they are a little bit dirtier. How can they not be when the shoes that walked through stuff on pavements are worn in bedrooms and everywhere carpet or not?

Butttons · 01/04/2019 15:36

@doireallyneedto

on the very rare occasion I encounter someone who does request shoes off, I will comply while making a mental note that they are rude and unwelcoming.

I can't get my head around this. We're a shoes off house. How can asking someone to take their shoes off be rude and unwelcoming? Surely as a guest you go by the house rules?

EscapeAnywhere · 01/04/2019 15:39

on the very rare occasion I encounter someone who does request shoes off, I will comply while making a mental note that they are rude and unwelcoming

Some people love to find a any reason to be offended.

Very odd.

LaurieMarlow · 01/04/2019 15:40

Isn't it common courtesy to just take your shoes off in anyone's house? We were always told to take our shoes of because it was respectful of people's homes

No not at all. I hate people taking their shoes off in my house (apart from wellies or muddy outdoor boots or something).

I don’t like feet, I don’t want to see them, I’d consider it overly familiar and icky if you took off your shoes in my home.

This topic really divides the punters OP. But in your circs I don’t think YABU.

LaurieMarlow · 01/04/2019 15:43

I do secretly judge shoe on homes as being a little bit dirtier as they are a little bit dirtier.

I don’t see that as a bad thing. We need dirt. It builds the immune system. We are a shoes on house and none of us are ever ill.

My floors are cleaned regularly btw, it’s not a pigsty.

Lottapianos · 01/04/2019 15:49

'I'm in Ireland though'

I grew up in Ireland never encountered the shoes off rule either until I came to the UK. I tell people to keep shoes on when they come to mine unless their shoes are obviously muddy. I don't want to see your bare feet thank you. I think it's so precious and unwelcoming to tell people to take shoes off, and I say that as an extremely houseproud person who has cream carpets

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