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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to say id prefer them not to come - step children.

65 replies

ItsaDressWithPockets · 01/04/2019 14:28

Me and DP are getting married this year, together for 5 years.

His parents were talking to us about the wedding and asked us where we are all going on honeymoon and said in front of the children that they assume we will be taking them with us.

I now feel incredibly awkward as I'd hoped me and DP could look at 5 days/ a week somewhere on our own for our honeymoon.

He's said he doesn't mind either way but I feel like im being judged if I say id prefer it to be me and him.

For what it's worth, I have a good relationship with the kids, it's nothing to do with them but AIBU to want to honeymoon on our own?

OP posts:
OneBILLIONDollars · 01/04/2019 14:29

Yanbu

HolidayReads · 01/04/2019 14:30

Definitely go just the two of you!! A honeymoon is a once in a lifetime opportunity to get away with your new husband and celebrate your marriage. You don't want to be looking after kids! YANBU

DMdrivingmecrazy · 01/04/2019 14:30

Do you have someone to look after the children if you go away just the 2 of you? If you do then I would say YANBU to want to have a honeymoon without the children.

WinkysTeatowel · 01/04/2019 14:32

Just the 2 of you is totally reasonable. Why don't you suggest a family holiday another time?

longwayoff · 01/04/2019 14:32

What does their mother say?

LL83 · 01/04/2019 14:32

Yanbu. I know people who have left their children for a few nights for a long weekend away, never mind honeymoon. Thoughtless of parents to say that in front of children.

If there will be no other holiday it might be more awkward to tell them they aren't coming on honeymoon.

Jessgalinda · 01/04/2019 14:32

I think this is an each to their own, because it's your honeymoon.

Some couples, even Wilhelm the kids are both theirs, choose to go away alone for a honeymoon.

Personally I wouldn't, if I go away my kids come with me. But I dont judge those who dont.

I would also be thinking about, who is having the children? Is it the mothers normal time with them, or will he be missing his time and has he arranged something for childcare?

Also, is this because it's the honeymoon or are you expecting to not have to take them away at all?

EL8888 · 01/04/2019 14:32

The clue is in the name: honeymoon not family holiday. I definitely would not be taking them. People make weird assumptions but lm sure they wouldn’t have wanted children on their honeymoon

GreatDuckCookery · 01/04/2019 14:33

I think it’s fine not to take them on honeymoon. People aren’t expected to take their birth children on holiday are they? Weird your PILs would insinuate you will be.

whitehalleve · 01/04/2019 14:33

Just book what you want and don't discuss it with them.

Original poster
ItsaDressWithPockets · 01/04/2019 14:34

Well I say 5 days - a week as that would mean we could go when we wouldn't normally have the children anyway so no need for mum to have them any extra time iyswim (we do one week on, one off).

OP posts:
Original poster
ItsaDressWithPockets · 01/04/2019 14:35

And no, it's just with it being a honeymoon. We've taken them on normal holidays before.

OP posts:
Tiptopj · 01/04/2019 14:40

My opinion is that Children do not belong on a honeymoon. If a couple really wants to take them that's up to them but I think they would be in the minority. Do what everyone else does when they get married after children- find childcare or a holiday club or something for them and DO NOT let anyone make you feel guilty just because you're a step mum- if they were your biological children and you honeymooned without them no one would judge you at all.

EL8888 · 01/04/2019 14:42

Your day = your way is the way l feel about weddings and honeymoons. Just book it, it’s no one business but yours and your future husband

MatchSetPoint · 01/04/2019 14:47

If you rather have it just you and your new husband then that’s what’s should happen, why not book a weekend away after you come back off your honeymoon and take the children then instead doesn’t need to be abroad Centre Parcs or somthing Friday to Monday that way everybody is pleased.

Chocolateisfab · 01/04/2019 14:50

Yanbu to want to celebrate your marriage dc - free!!
When I married again I didn't take my own dc with me!!

DontCallMeCharlotte · 01/04/2019 14:51

Don't even give this headspace. His parents are twats. It's absolutely nothing to do with them. Ignore them and go by yourselves (ensure DH is onside).

If they give you a hard time, maybe say to them - and DH - "I'm sure the kids won't want to watch us having honeymoon sex all day and night..."

MaintainTheMolehill · 01/04/2019 14:54

I thought you were going to say you didn't want them at the wedding!
YANBU and I say that as someone who strongly believes that step children should be treated the same as biological children.

hsegfiugseskufh · 01/04/2019 14:55

wouldn't be taking any children on a honeymoon to be honest!

his parents presumed and were idiotic to do so let alone mention it in front of the children!

HollowTalk · 01/04/2019 14:56

Who on earth would want to take children on a honeymoon? It's a time for both of you. Would your step children want you there on their own honeymoon?

And as for the PP - what has it got to do with anything what their mum thinks?

blueskiesovertheforest · 01/04/2019 14:58

ItsaDressWithPockets did they perhaps say that to ward off being asked to have the children while you're away? Quite a lot of people go on honeymoon for two or even three weeks - perhaps they were covering their arses to make you the bad guy in any situation involving them being asked to provide overnight childcare rather than being put in a position where they'd be the ones saying no...

The week on week off situation makes going away on your week off a no brainer (though off topic and none of my business how on earth do you make that work? You must live very close indeed to their mum presumably).

Andylion · 01/04/2019 15:03

His parents are twats. It's absolutely nothing to do with them. Ignore them and go by yourselves

^This.

Sexnotgender · 01/04/2019 15:05

YANBU!

I certainly didn’t take my daughter on my honeymoon.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/04/2019 15:07

Agree nothing wrong with having honey moon on own

We are getting married next year and have a 2yr but she is coming with us as will also be or annual holiday combined

Tho will go Somewhere the two of us wedding nights /night after

NWQM · 01/04/2019 15:07

How ridiculous of them. Most people would totally get you not taking the children for a few days. Ideally it would be nice if you could afford another 'family' holiday but this is your honeymoon and your choice.

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