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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to say id prefer them not to come - step children.

65 replies

ItsaDressWithPockets · 01/04/2019 14:28

Me and DP are getting married this year, together for 5 years.

His parents were talking to us about the wedding and asked us where we are all going on honeymoon and said in front of the children that they assume we will be taking them with us.

I now feel incredibly awkward as I'd hoped me and DP could look at 5 days/ a week somewhere on our own for our honeymoon.

He's said he doesn't mind either way but I feel like im being judged if I say id prefer it to be me and him.

For what it's worth, I have a good relationship with the kids, it's nothing to do with them but AIBU to want to honeymoon on our own?

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 01/04/2019 15:08

Did his parents say that because they don't want to be looking after the children?

TheCrowFromBelow · 01/04/2019 15:09

My mum didn’t take me on her honeymoon.
It’s a honeymoon not a family holiday.
I can still remember her friend coming to stay I got to do all sorts that I wasn’t usually allowed to including wearing my best sandals to school it was great.
It was also 40 years ago Shock

Original poster
ItsaDressWithPockets · 01/04/2019 15:10

You must live very close indeed to their mum presumably

Yes, 10 minutes up the road!

Thank you! His parents are lovely, I think they maybe misjudged the situation but I agree it wasn't right to say in front of the children even if they were just curious. The children haven't actually said anything so hopefully they didn't register/didn't hear!

OP posts:
BreastSideStory · 01/04/2019 15:11

Honeymoons are for shagging and drinking cocktails imo... might be awkward for your SCs to witness that 😂😂😂😂

PregnantSea · 01/04/2019 15:12

Book whatever you two want. It is nobody else's business and I think it's very weird that your PIL would "assume" anything about your honeymoon, especially that you would be including other people! Don't mention it to them again, and if they bring it up just ignore any complaints or negative comments that they make. It's irrelevant.

FWIW I wouldn't even consider bringing the kids on the honeymoon. Obviously it's your call though

Xyzzzzz · 01/04/2019 15:13

No I wouldn’t take children on a honeymoon.

Original poster
ItsaDressWithPockets · 01/04/2019 15:13

Honeymoons are for shagging and drinking cocktails imo...

I agree, this is how I see it anyway. Although maybe not something to admit to the parents in law Grin

OP posts:
BreastSideStory · 01/04/2019 15:16

@ItsaDressWithPockets haha!
Well I hope you don’t take the kids and you get exactly that Wink

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 01/04/2019 15:19

Do the children live with you full time? Confused.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 01/04/2019 15:23

Honeymoons are for shagging and drinking cocktails imo

Yup!

A honeymoon is a very specific type of holiday- it would completely change the dynamic if you brought any children, regardless of the relationship.

We planned to start trying for a family immediately after our honeymoon, and I got pregnant three months after we came back. Now dc have arrived, DH and I know that we aren’t going to get another childfree holiday for years so I’m glad that we had that one last holiday where we only had to cater for ourselves!

HumpHumpWhale · 01/04/2019 15:25

I clicked on this, and indeed read the beginning, thinking you didn't want them at the wedding, and was all ready to say ywbu. But a honeymoon... who takes kids I a honeymoon, that's just weird!

EL8888 · 01/04/2019 15:29

I don’t see the need to turn take the children on a separate holiday as well. Surely OP has enough expense with a wedding and a honeymoon to pay for?

Greyhound22 · 01/04/2019 15:31

I took my DS on honeymoon 😕 for all those saying no one would take children - we don't go away much so I wouldn't have wanted him to miss out on potentially the only holiday that year but....YANBU I wouldn't judge anyone who didn't take their children on Honeymoon.

I thought you were going to say didn't want them at the wedding and was clutching my pearls for a minute 😂

cricketmum84 · 01/04/2019 15:39

We didn't take our kids on honeymoon with us. My parents took them to a caravan holiday the same week - maybe suggest something similar to PILs if they think the children will miss out??

Original poster
ItsaDressWithPockets · 01/04/2019 15:42

HA okay I just re-read the title and the first line of my OP and realise now how worried I might have got everyone 🤣

No, I absolutely do want them at the wedding!! Grin

OP posts:
lyralalala · 01/04/2019 15:59

My only concern from that would be if one of the children has said something to their grandparents and that your PIL way of letting you know it's been mentioned.

I'd ask the PIL why they thought the kids were going on the honeymoon.

itbemay · 01/04/2019 16:02

I think it's really odd that the PIL would even say that! YANBU.

Junkmail · 01/04/2019 16:06

A honeymoon is not a family holiday. Just tell the kids that if they ask about going. There’s really nothing unreasonable about not taking them.

Drum2018 · 01/04/2019 16:12

Parents obviously had separate beds and chastity belts on when they went on honeymoon Grin Explain to them what a honeymoon is! I'm sure kids mother won't expect kids to be going so don't worry about it.

snowdrop6 · 01/04/2019 16:16

Love the way your dh is avoiding making a Decision by saying he doesn't. Mind ,while I expect hoping you decide it's the two of you and he's then not the bad guy...is he usually not able to make decisions in your favour? ..to me it's a no brainier ...honeymoon =sex ..no children required...

Blahdeblahbahhhhh · 01/04/2019 16:17

I’d be so cross with the ILs for putting thoughts into the children’s mind. Weddings can unsettle children so I would try not to make a thing of it and plan it so it fell when they would otherwise be at their mums.
How old are the children? Assuming you don’t go on about it afterwards/before would they be super aware it was happening? I would keep it very low key with them so they don’t feel they are missing out and carry on with normal routine. Oh! And have words with the grandparents so they don’t make them feel like they are rejected or abandoned (they shouldn’t feel like this if the grown ups in their life are sensible about it!).

BlingLoving · 01/04/2019 16:21

Bizarre of the in laws to even suggest it. I've been to many a wedding where the couple getting married already have children, and one of the bits they loved the most was guilt-free, child-free holiday immediately afterwards. Usually only a few days or a week, but.... A friend left her 18 month old with her MIL for a long weekend in fact....

It's not about being a stepmother. It's about a situation where children, no matter who they below to, not being appropriate.

Raspberrytruffle · 01/04/2019 16:24

Yanbu op, just explain to DC that you love them but you and there df want some adult time and if its possibility maybe mention booking a family holiday for you all? Unfortunately we had our kids on the honeymoon because my youngest has cerebral palsy and nobody else can manage her but if we had the chance we would of loved a child free holiday, just say its aimed at adult only type holidays and how boring it would be

Rose198 · 01/04/2019 16:24

YANBU at all. A honeymoon is not a family holiday. I don't even agree that you should have to take them on another holiday afterwards or not mention it so they don't feel left out etc as previous posters have suggested. Regardless of whether they're your own or step children it will not do them any harm to realise the world doesn't revolve around them and sometimes adults do things without them.

Original poster
ItsaDressWithPockets · 01/04/2019 16:29

To be honest, a second holiday abroad with everyone will be a push. I don't think it's manageable financially this year for us.

We do try to go for long weekends throughout the year camping etc... which they enjoy.

OP posts:
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