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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you think you're a nice person?

70 replies

imnotnice · 01/04/2019 07:47

I know it might sound like an odd question but talking to my therapist its come out that one of my core beliefs about myself is that Im not a nice person. She was pretty confused as to why I would think that but I really deep down feel like that.

OP posts:

EscapeAnywhere · 01/04/2019 07:56

She was pretty confused as to why I would think that

It's common to feel like that when you have very low self esteem. Not feeling like a nice or good person is a result of negative self-talk.

Unless you go around kicking babies and torturing pets, I bet you're a lovely person that just doesn't see themselves in a good light.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 01/04/2019 08:01

Not an odd question! I struggle to think of myself as a nice person too.

I think your beliefs about yourself can be shaped by the idea of who you are projected onto you by parents - and siblings if you've got them - in the very early years.

So if someone feels they aren't a nice person in some fundamental way that's difficult to explain, I'd want to know what the attitude of their family members was towards them in the foundation years. That's when beliefs unfiltered by rational thought take root.

By the way, I find it hard to believe that you are not actually a nice person, especially since you care about it. People who don't behave well don't usually give it a second thought!

Meshpregnancy · 01/04/2019 08:03

I didn’t used to. I was amazed I got away with not being discovered as the flawed, lazy, liar I saw myself as.

Now I truly believe I am nice. I have worked on it a lot. I reflect on how I treat people and I am motivated to make the lives of others better. I’m not perfect but I am trying hard to make the world a nicer place and that’s what counts.

EvilEdna1 · 01/04/2019 08:08

I think I am ...but there are others you I know disagree. I don't like them either though! My friends think I am nice.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/04/2019 08:08

I've got a heart of gold, but Try and rip it out or abuse it. I'm also no ones door mat.
I treat people well and with respect. I expect the same back.
I wasn't always like this, though. I.did have to grow.
You would never think it if you met me today, but In my younger days I was appallingly shy and would let everyone walk all over me.
I'd apologise even if someone else was at fault to stop an argument.
I'd worry if someone took a dislike to me. Now my attitude is either "You can win them all or I'm not particularly in love with you either, sweet pea.

EvilEdna1 · 01/04/2019 08:09

Should say 'who I know disagree'.

KitKat1985 · 01/04/2019 08:10

I think I act relatively nice on the outside.

I'm pretty pleased no-one can hear my thoughts sometimes though....

Loopytiles · 01/04/2019 08:11

I feel the same way. Think I am a good parent and reasonable wife/daughter/sister, get on OK with most colleagues, but don’t maintain friendships and very rarely do things to help other people because I don’t have time or energy. In my head a “nice person” does good things for others.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 01/04/2019 08:14

She was pretty confused as to why I would think that

She didn't go to an all girls' school then?

I know some people have a lovely experience, but I think a lot of others find it a very bitchy environment that can do lasting damage to your self-esteem.

PregnantSea · 01/04/2019 08:16

I am not sure if I'm nice. Sometimes I really think not but if I'm being honest it's probably stupid reasons that I exaggerate in my head because I have quite low self esteem. I certainly agree that the two things are closely linked

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 01/04/2019 08:18

No, I know I'm not. I'm lazy, vengeful, spiteful, selfish and self centred. These traits are my core personality though I manage to keep them suppressed most of the time do that I can function day to day.

Hiddenaspie1973 · 01/04/2019 08:18

I think I'm ok as a mum, hard work as a partner, a kind but slack daughter, sister, dil.
If being nice means improving others lives by being around, then yes, my dd would say I'm nice. Nobody else would.
At work, I'm only interested in things which affect me and I've got a short attention span for other people's personal lives. So no, I guess I'm not nice.
I keep folk at arms length for my own mental health (comes from years of accepting shite and being a ppl pleaser).
I think bad thoughts, am impatient and moody, easily stressed. No, I'm not great but I don't hurt or steal.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 01/04/2019 08:19

I think most of us are nice a lot of the time, and not nice some of the time (especially in cars).

I am very nice when I am asleep...

I am not very nice when I am driving behind someone very slow, or in front of someone who wants to go very fast.

LellowYedbetter · 01/04/2019 08:20

I can be a lovely person, I can also be fucking horrible. Depends on my mood greatly.

RevRichardWayneGaryWayne · 01/04/2019 08:20

I gave this some thought the other day.

Long story short someone cut me up and we ended up in a road rage row out of the window. Later that day i was at the station, the person in front of me was struggling to buy their ticket and said I could go ahead. Instead I took the time to help them.

To one of those people i was the biggest cunt they've ever met, and to the other other a lovely person who stops to help out.

Over all I think I'm nice most of the time, but I don't think anyone is ever just 1 thing.

JaretsGirlfren · 01/04/2019 08:21

I think I’m nice - I am also a doormat

GreenEggsHamandChips · 01/04/2019 08:26

Nice is overvalued. Everyone is nice when it suits themselves to be so. When you're not your not. And sometimes you definitely shouldn't be.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 01/04/2019 08:27

I think it's important to differentiate between being a nice/not nice person and what your behaviour is like sometimes. It seems overly simplistic to label anyone as nice/not nice when behaviour fluctuates so much.

We are social animals by nature and most people behave cooperatively if not under too much stress.

Hyacintharehighersincelasttime · 01/04/2019 08:29

i want to be, though I see others being nicer and feel ad

badtime · 01/04/2019 08:30

I'm not and I don't aspire to be. I try to be a good and fair person, but IMO that is very different from being nice.
Other people think I'm nice, though. Perhaps they don't make the same distinction.

Hefzi · 01/04/2019 08:33

I'm not nice. I am, though, very kind.

Mumshappy · 01/04/2019 08:35

I have been too nice in the past. I have learnt some people dont deserve it. I try to stick to fair but say what i think otherwise I end up a doormat .

GreyBasket · 01/04/2019 08:37

This is how I feel. I have been thinking about this a lot and concluded I am not a nice person. Just too many other people have acted in ways that make this the only logical conclusion.

I don't know what to change. I just have to blend in more I think.

How999 · 01/04/2019 08:39

I am not sure. But years with my critical and emotionally abusive ex have not helped.

He got together with someone else immediately, and while we were having to live in the same house getting divorced. I don’t think I will ever meet anyone else, and struggle to see what they would like about me.

Orangeday · 01/04/2019 08:39

No I’m not nice. I wish I was. I have a lot of very unpleasant qualities that I wish were not there. I wouldn’t be friends with me.

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