Do you think you're a nice person?

[imnotnice]

I know it might sound like an odd question but talking to my therapist its come out that one of my core beliefs about myself is that Im not a nice person. She was pretty confused as to why I would think that but I really deep down feel like that.

No..but I try really hard to be because I don't think I am by nature. If that makes sense?

Though I've been asked the same by therapists before. Never had a clear answer myself.

I'm a nice person, I would help someone who needed it and if I had the means. I'm loyal, honest and treat ppl with respect. However, if you don't afford me the same treatment or give me reason to not like you then I can cut ppl off no problem.

I guess I'd say that I try to be. I don't know how I'm viewed by others. I do my best to be friendly, inclusive, sympathetic, helpful and generous. I am also aware that i can talk about myself too much, I'm very opinionated, can be a bit whingey, give advice unsolicited, and whilst I always externally try to be fair minded and see both sides, I can be a bit judgemental too. So.... I guess it depends. I am also working or how to be good and kind whilst not always being "nice" in situations that require firmness and unpalatable truth. I used to be so nice that I let people walk all over me and I'm trying to grow out of that.

I used to be the most nicest, kindest and considerate person. Now I can be a right nasty bitch, and that's because over the years people have treated me like shit and this is my defensive mechanism/like putting a wall up.

It’s not just you. I don’t think it’s always low self-esteem either.

I think I am good, but not nice. I am impatient with people, I tend not to be very polite to them when they are talking what I perceive to be bollocks, and I won’t go out of my way to help someone out, particularly if they have caused their own problems. I will, however, always try to behave ethically and help those in genuine need.

I think there’s room in the world for the nice and the not-nice.

The best way of knowing if you're a nice person is to listen to those you live, work or study with. I'm told I am, people like me and trust me. There are some I click with more than others of course, that's normal, but yes, based on what I'm told, I think I am.

I think I'm a nice person.
In terms of self esteem, my anxiety can attack other things like if I'm interesting or funny. But never nice. Nice seems simple enough

I would say I'm a nice person. I help people when I can, I'm considerate of my neighbours, I'm friendly to everyone - and that shocked and aggressive nasty person who tried to scare me while I was waiting for a train. He invaded my space, wasn't pleasant at all and I smiled and said "good morning, how are you today?" That deflated the nasty bastard.

I actually had this discussion with some Jehovah's witnesses who came to my door. I think if everyone lived their lives according to the beliefs they purport to hold, the world would be a wonderful place. I am not religious as I disagree with organised religion. I believe your beliefs are reflected in how you treat others and your immediate community. Bit off topic, sorry, but if you try to be nice to everyone you encounter, you will make a difference. You never know when a smile and "how are you today?" will make a difference to someone.

Despite all the above, I don't suffer fools and haven't done so since I was 4yo. I have a small circle of what I think of as genuine friends. Lots of acquaintances, but close friends who'd drop everything for you no matter what / when / why are a smaller number.

Not sure I would want to be thought of as "nice".

Strong, yes, compassionate certainly, "nice" no.

I’m not always nice. I spent my teenage years being a bitter, twisted, deceitful bully. I regret every single second of those years as I was a seriously unhappy child. Changed completely in my 20s and 30s and was a complete people pleaser and very nice. However, now in my 40s I can get easily annoyed by situations and definitely not as tolerant. It’s a crap feeling because I would love to be a nice person all the time.

The word 'nice' is rather woolly. It has different connotations for different people. For some, it means amenable. For others it will mean being kind or polite. The dictionary definition reflects this ambiguity.

I'm generally a nice person, but like most people, have moments of being not so nice.

I thought everybody considered themselves to be nice people, even people who are objectively really nasty, like murderers or other criminals. It's actually come as a bit of a shock to me that there are normal people who don't consider themselves to be nice. And there are so many people who think in that way.

OP I'm sure you're a very nice person. I hope your therapist helps you see that you have some amazing qualities. If you want to become nicer, or even just give yourself some proof that you are actually nice, how about trying to do one thing a day to help someone else? I bet you'll find that you already do something nice for someone else most days.

I think i'm too sincere for own good. I have a tendency to put my own emotions first. Like Chidi, i'm a master procrastinator which can make me very frustrated and not much fun to be around. I have done some bad things but the guilt tends to bother me for decades afterwards- more than it would someone who was truly Bad. I've never done anything evil, nor do i have the inclination to.

Define "nice".

Don’t know about defining nice but treating people as you’d like to be treated is a good start.

I pretend to be a nice person most of the time, but in my head I think terrible things about people, or flick them the Vs behind their backs

I can see how being nice helps, but I am teaching my children not to be complete people pleasers, as I want them to be successful and not taken advantage of.

I am nice I think, I'm polite and happy - to everyone, even if I can't stand them. Rarely start an argument. If that's what nice is.

However I've also realised that I have an inner bitch side that only exists in my mind. It never comes out. But there's a couple of people in my life who I only think negatively about.

So yeah I'm nice but also a bit of a butch

Nobody is nice 100% of the time. We can all be moody tired just fed up. But if you are a good person then that is more important.

It's definitely linked to self esteem for me. OutwiththeOutCrowd what you've said is exactly what's happened to me. I've picked this belief up as a young child from my family /siblings. Are you my therapist?!

This thread has actually made me realise that I don't think it's just the statement I'm not nice, I think it's I'm not likeable. I think it's more that. I'm not likeable so therefore I mustn't be nice. The reason I'm not likeable is because......... (I won't bore you with the rest of it).

I wouldn’t describe myself as a ‘nice person’. I don’t really know what that means, tbh. It’s a bit vague. I’m flawed, the same as everyone else. I’m ok. I’m human. Sometimes I’m a dick. Sometimes I’m critical. Sometimes I’m kind. Sometimes I’m loving. Sometimes I’m judgemental. Like everyone, I’m not one thing all the time. Human emotions and behaviour are complex.

I would recommend reading Brené Brown. She's done a lot of work on shame and vulnerability. I think it would really help you understand you are not a bad person you're imperfect but you are still worthy of love.

I've just read Dare to Lead, but either Rising Strong or Gifts of Imperfection might be best for you?

Hope this helps. Good luck OP

I’d like to think I’m a kind person but the truth is I don’t actually give a shit . I’m too old and too pragmatic to be a people pleaser .
I’m also very judgemental. I do have sympathy for the situations some people find themselves in but the truth is I’m thinking “ what the feck did you think would happen , you complete numpty ?”

TBH I don't think most humans are that 'nice'. I think we're selfish because everyone is trying to survive and do well but it's something we have to fight in ourselves in order for society to function and be more pleasant. I don't think I'm particularly nice; I'm self-centered, bitchy and judgmental and I don't have a lot of patience for other people's problems but it's in my head for the most part, I try to be outwardly polite and kind to people.

I don't know, it's easy to be superficially 'nice' but what about standing up for justice even when it hurts you or really putting yourself out for someone else? I'm not sure I do any of that really.

I try. I know I don’t always succeed, but I try.
I didn’t used to think I was until bizarrely enough I became a mum and other mums actually took note of how I interact with their children and from that other adults, and it’s been their feedback that has made me realise that maybe i’m nicer than I thought, and apparently I’m liked by dd’s schoolmates, so I must be doing something right!
It’s taken me years to reach this point though!

Just wanted to add, I think it's important to be aware of our own flaws/weak spots (whatever you want to call them); it's the same principle as being aware of our own prejudices and assumptions. No-one think they have them but the only way you can be a better person is to be more self aware and question yourself.