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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First Mothers day annoyance

27 replies

MusaMama · 01/04/2019 00:41

So its my first mothers day and all i got was a card! I am feeling dissapointed but pretending all is fine to not ruin the day. I did drop hints about a present n also said to keep within £10 budget. Wud hve been happy with a mum mug or box of chocs even. Just something to show a little recognition and effort. Anyway nevermind. Dh did offer to take me shopping at 7pm once he saw images of sisters mothers day display but i said no as it was more about the thought not a mad rush shop. Rant over n out.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 01/04/2019 00:45

First Mother's Day is weirdly emotional and odd. Your DC is too small to do anything so it becomes a strange weight of responsibility on your partner to show how much your being a mother means to him. It's not great. You've done such a massive thing, it's difficult to quantify with a day.

Just chalk it up to expectations and wait a few years. The sticky pictures, cards with 'love you mummy' written on them, and the very poorly made breakfasts will make up for all this.

Flowers
ilovesooty · 01/04/2019 00:45

Why does a box of chocolates show any more evidence of recognition than a card?

Fumnudge · 01/04/2019 00:49

Mrs TP is spot on IMO.

ilovesooty · 01/04/2019 00:51

I expect your husband will have more idea about making it right next year. Sorry you're upset.

DaisyDuvetDays · 01/04/2019 00:55

I only got a card. Hubby put the pen in ds' 10mo hand and guided him to sign his name.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/04/2019 00:55

Op he needs to make it clear he appreciates you generally, not you hold out for one day to fe valued.

Sorry you didn't get the MD you wanted, either reciprocate in kind FD or lead by example for one year and see if he gets better at it.

What did he get his DM if she's still alive?

Original poster
MusaMama · 01/04/2019 01:02

Yes i agree. I just expected him to make an effort.

OP posts:
Original poster
MusaMama · 01/04/2019 01:03

Thats lovely. I would hve appreciated that as it shows effort and thought.

OP posts:
Original poster
MusaMama · 01/04/2019 01:05

Its about making an effort and i dont think a card on its own does that. I dont want grand expensive gifts. Just something which shows he recognises that this day was important to me.

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Blondebakingmumma · 01/04/2019 01:06

I agree that the first mother’s day is quite emotional. I was annoyed that I had to share my mother’s day with my MIL. Feels silly in hindsight, but that’s how I was feeling

CosISaid · 01/04/2019 01:06

Aw, you poor thing. I can't remember my first mother's day, I probably got a card, but when they start going to nursery and bringing you back paintings they've made for you every day of the week, you'll be filled with joy and clutter I don't think men really think like we do to be honest! Nursery are brilliant for making cards for mother's day.

Original poster
MusaMama · 01/04/2019 01:06

He just got her a card too but he usually gets her a plant or chocs. We spent the morning rushing breakfast n spent the entire day at mils. By time dh decided to come home it was too late to do anything for me. Spent my evening getting on top of chores. So not great.

OP posts:
Original poster
MusaMama · 01/04/2019 01:08

I think i am overreacting maybe. I have just internalised everything.

OP posts:
CosISaid · 01/04/2019 01:16

And you'll also discover that children can't keep secrets lol. They'll try to not tell you what they've gotten you, but blurt it out in a fit of MUST TELL THE TRUTH.

You've lots of lovely years to come OP. And congratulations on your first Mother's Day! I hope it's one of many.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/04/2019 01:17

Is he generally appreciative and kind? Or is this a more symptomatic thing?

NoSquirrels · 01/04/2019 01:18

Wot MrsTP said.

I think you are tired and it's strange emotions the first mother's day. Try to let it do. Appreciate the card. Your DP sounds as if he does care, just didn't get it right first time. Which is a pretty neat metaphor for parenthood.

have some Flowers from me!

Original poster
MusaMama · 01/04/2019 01:29

He can be kind wen he thinks he shud but not when i need him to. Sounds silly but its like when he has messed up he will make the effort. Like he missed my 30th bday because i had given birth to baby n we was busy with little one so he didnt have a chance to shop. But imo he cud have bought something in advance. For anniversary he went all out but only cos he saw his present being delievered n it was a big one!

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LittlePaintBox · 01/04/2019 01:57

I didn't get anything on my first Mother's Day, my DH said he thought it was a day for our child to give a card and present, not him as the child's father! Meanwhile I was surrounded by lucky first time mothers receiving cakes, presents, meals out and brass band serenades. I have to say, I did register my disappointment and I think he dashed out and bought me something.

Now I am the mother of two sons in their 30s, DH got me a card and flowers! It will all sort itself out in the end.

Bobbiepin · 01/04/2019 02:23

I can kind of empathise (my DH is truly crap at buying presents or putting any thought into occaisions) but tbh try not to get too worked up about it, you're building yourself up for future disappointment.

When our DC are old enough hopefully they can show us what we mean to them. Right now a box of chocolates etc doesn't show you he appreciates what you do as a mother. Helping out with the chores would have been good though.

BlessedMamma · 01/04/2019 02:27

Just be grateful you got a card, I got nothing! 😭

Paddersx · 01/04/2019 02:28

I get wgat you mean, i didnt get a card. My lo is only a few months old but it would have meant the world to me if my fiance wrote a little card just to let me know how well im doing... Just a little pick me up i guess...
Unfortunately the day was a bit pants too... We ended up sitting around waiting for his parents to show back home and meant the only thing i did on my first mothersday with my own daughter and fiancé other than spend time with his family, was go to wilkos for some paint...
I would have appreciated a card so, so much.

StoppinBy · 01/04/2019 02:54

Did the first mother 's day come first in your house or the first father's day?

If he hasn't had a father's day yet then he may just be expecting a card from you and think that it was enough, if he has had one and you did more for him then it's pretty crap.

If he is yet to have a FD then just make sure to treat him the way you want to be treated and he will pick it up for your next year.

I agree with PP's, once the kids are old enough the most treasured gifts are the lovingly scrawled on cards and the cold toast carried in to your bed by your proud as punch toddler who probably already took a bite out of your breakfast lol xx

Thismummyruns · 01/04/2019 03:00

I only got a card, was more than happy with that as I am a card person. Am I missing something about what yesterday was?

CosISaid · 01/04/2019 03:05

Aww, I promise you all, when they get toddling and going to nursery, they go to great efforts for mother's day. Honestly. And the children are so proud of their efforts you have to spend all day praising their creations lol and it really is lovely. Men are a bit pants at thinking about this sort of stuff.

CosISaid · 01/04/2019 03:14

And I think it's worth mentioning that sometimes men don't associate Mother's Day with their wives, so I'm actually happy he even thought of a card probably prompted by his own mother #cynical lol
He could have gotten flowers and said that the baby picked them (babies have a way of going for things they like). But men are just men sometimes.