To discuss Christmas in March!!!

[FineFanks]

Ok so I know it’s over 6 months away but I’m already fretting over this.

DH & I have gone to my PILs every Christmas for the last 8 years (since before we were married.) They live almost 2 hours away so we always stay with them for a few days.

We spend Christmas Eve with my family, they live just down the road from us so we go home that evening. My DM has been very good about us going there for Xmas day, but it does always make me sad leaving and know I’m not seeing them on Xmas day itself.

I am pregnant and due in late Sept.

Today my MIL started talking about a cot she is getting, so “when you’re over to mine for Christmas”. I have no intentions of going this year. I don’t want to travel with my 3 month old baby and I want to spend its first Christmas at home.

I’m worried this new is going to go down like a shit sandwich with MIL who is very demanding.

Can I really be expected to pack up all my new baby’s things and travel to spend Christmas at their house?

How am I going to break the news? (Obviously much closer to the time)

Advice please

@FineFanks
You'll need to find your Inner Lioness OP. I'm sure you are more assertive in other areas of your life?

Your MIL has "grey rock" down though doesn't she - is she a Mumsnetter?

I agree with what a PP said Tell her I will have a 3 month baby, I am not going anywhere this Christmas. We will be spending our first Christmas at home.

and don't promise anything for subsequent years. After all it's been EIGHT YEARS!! 😯

Also beware of her suggesting coming to you with loads of other people or alone as you'll then have to host them and still not have the Christmas you want.

As you've both just given in previously you'll also need to ensure your DH stays on side and doesn't cave in for an easy life. Of course if he agrees to go to MIL's for the 9th year you can suggest he goes alone and you and DC go to your mothers! I'm guessing that won't happen though! 😁

Good luck!

You'll need to find your Inner Lioness OP. I'm sure you are more assertive in other areas of your life? I don't think anyone would ever describe me as a pushover, it's just that MIL is one of those people that can really twist things (ie "why would you want to do that?" "You don't really think that do you?") and I struggle to think of what to say on the spot. I also don't want DH to think I'm difficult, and I generally do just prefer when everyone is happy. I often find it much easier to compromise my own needs than to persuade others.

need to ensure your DH stays on side and doesn't cave in for an easy life. Well, this is what will be tricky because unfortunately this is him all over, especially when it comes to his DM - she's a big weak spot and she knows exactly how to tug on the heart strings.

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you! 🎄🍀

Then tell him to go himself.
Phone her op.
Tell her you’ve been thinking about the Christmas cot conversation and wanted to let her know you won’t be going up for Christmas and will arrange an alternative date when it suits you.
If she kicks of, repeatedly say I don’t want to. Because this is actually a valid reason for not doing anything.
If your Dh starts ask him why your parents are less than his. And tell him to go himself.

Since having dc, we've had Christmas as a family and my sister often goes away too, we now have a family Christmas dinner at Easter instead!

this is what will be tricky because unfortunately this is him all over, especially when it comes to his DM - she's a big weak spot and she knows exactly how to tug on the heart strings.

Op you need to discuss this with him, and now. You need it crystal clear before the baby comes that you and the baby are his primary family now, and his biggest duty is to you as his wife. Read some of the threads on here - this stuff ruins marriages.