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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad that so many people have complained about Mothers Day?

91 replies

LailaByron · 31/03/2019 20:59

I just think it’s sad....and I know everyone’s circumstances are different but ultimately it’s a made up day for shops to make money. My DD1 bought me a bunch of flowers and i gave my DD2 and DS £3 each to buy me something from their school ‘Mothers Day’ shop.
Other than that, my Sunday was the same as any other Sunday. I got up at 7, did washing, ironing, cleaning. Went with DP to DS football match. Came home, cooked lunch for everyone. We all helped clean up after (as we always do) we went for a walk to our local, had a few drinks and came home.
Do I feel neglected? Unloved? Unappreciated? No.
I feel like I’m lucky to have children that love me. Lucky to have children at all to be honest. Especially when there are those that can’t. Or have lost their children.
I’m a mum. My children love me...everyday. I don’t need cards and presents to prove that.

OP posts:
floribunda18 · 31/03/2019 22:48

It being affiliated with the church doesn't make it legitimate or meaningful by default. Organised religion isn't the boss of us.

Indeed. Particularly when Christianity nicked most of its festivals from older traditions.

mondaysaturday · 31/03/2019 22:48

YABVU, OP and sanctimonious to boot.

Bohbell · 31/03/2019 22:49

I am same OP. I had two cups of tea bought to me in bed, some daffodils and cards. My DD did some tidying. I gardened and caught up with some work. I had a nice day and i was thankful. This morning I said to my family that we should think about all the mothers who were without their children and children without their mothers. Can’t believe the complainers.

PickAChew · 31/03/2019 22:51

Made up or not, this is a day when it's suggested that something nice is done for the mothers in the family. A lot of the gripes I see here seem to be the final straw for someone who already feels taken for granted by their partner, who after all, is the one to facilitate younger children treating their mum.

MamaDane · 31/03/2019 22:52

A bit off topic but I don't understand why so many women are with partner who clearly don't contribute in the house or the relationship in general, or actually just appreciate them. Leave him, you're better than this. I don't mean if you aren't celebrated on mother's day, but if your partner has a tendency to treat you like a maid/mom with little to no appreciation, know you're better than this. Be single or find someone who does appreciate you. Honestly, don't waste your years with a man like this.

Hersheys · 31/03/2019 22:53

Aw piss off with your 'Mothering Sunday is a religious blah blah blah'

Original poster
LailaByron · 31/03/2019 22:56

Wow. Yes my perfect life consisted of having my DC1 at 17....I spent the pregnancy with no family around me and being constantly physically and emotionally abused by my partner. I worked full time but wasn’t allowed the money I earned. I wasn’t allowed friends, I wasn’t allowed to get my haircut, I wasn’t allowed a phone. I carried on alone with DC1 often with no food for myself, working 12 hour shifts. I met my husband (now exh) and had DC 2&3. Suffered with depression and anxiety and the trauma of DC1 being sexually abused by a family friend. I’ve spent the last 10 years in and out of hospital having various operations and procedures that are horrendous, that keep me in hospital away from my children. I have the guilt of seeing my children stepping over paramedics to kiss me goodbye when I’m dragged back in to hospital because the pain has become unbearable, again.

So no, I don’t have a perfect life and I’m sorry for your loss but this post was about being grateful for what we have. I’m sorry if you feel at all offended by that.

OP posts:
Hersheys · 31/03/2019 22:56

Oh and the 'why would my husband, I'm not his mum'
No but you are the mother of his fucking children you miserable fucks

ineedaholidaynow · 31/03/2019 22:57

I think you would have been better off with a thread about it being sad that some people have had awful Mother's Days, not because they haven't got the specific gift they wanted, but just because their family have not acknowledged them in anyway, and that is probably indicative of the other days in the year too.

just a simple example, DS(14) sorted out some gifts for me. He also did some creative thing on the PC for me. Did all this without prompting from DH. So I think it is very sad when people post on here that their teens did nothing for them at all. Even if they don't have any money, most have access to some form of device where they could create a card/photo montage for free for their Mum. Even if they forgot it was Mother's Day, they could quickly do something once they realised what day it was. But I assume that if they don't do anything they don't really appreciate their mum for the rest of the year either.

Inapickle230 · 31/03/2019 22:57

Bohbell - your day sounds lovely, I would have been happy with daffodils but my dp didn’t think to buy me anything from our baby, even though I got him lots of nice things for Father’s Day. I think it’s the lack of appreciation from partners that mothers are upset about, not that they didn’t get lavish presents.

PeapodBurgundy · 31/03/2019 22:58

MamaDane It suits some of us to stay put while we raise our DC Smile

onthenaughtystepagain · 31/03/2019 22:58

What treats are you all planning for Father's Day in June????

Inapickle230 · 31/03/2019 23:01

Onthenaughtystepagain - well sod all after this year! Last year he got a personalised book to read to dc, socks, beer and a hip flask.

Friendabc · 31/03/2019 23:02

Mothering Sunday, or a celebration of motherhood, existed before Christ was born!
It did not start with the Christian church, they merely carried on the Greek and Roman traditions.
It then became a day when children could go home to visit their mothers and family for one day a year. The church tied it up with lent.

I've had a lovely day with my mum and my dd. Ds hasn't been in touch and it has not gone unnoticed by my dp.
His father never bothered when we were together either.

MamaDane I think if that were the case very few people would remain married!

SandyY2K · 31/03/2019 23:05

I think if mums are feeling so unappreciated and do all, with no gratitude you need to try and address the issue...because I personally would be far from impressed if I was unappreciated and treated poorly 364 days of the year and was only shown appreciation on mother's day.

There's an awful lot of resentment and I'm sure it's justified...but it's more likely that highlights the issues.

MamaDane · 31/03/2019 23:06

Friend and Peapod but that's so upsetting. I can't imagine living that way 😞. Surely women deserve better than this and children pick up on their parents unhappiness and may find it to be the standard of a relationship rather than just a bad relationship.

Exhausted18 · 31/03/2019 23:06

It was my first mother's day today. I didn't expect any card or present whatsoever (which was just as well) but I asked my partner to feed DD her lunch and take her for a walk so I could have an hour or two to myself uninterrupted. He agreed at the time and yet the day comes and the sum total of what he did today was one nappy change. He kept disappearing upstairs or finding jobs to do every time I tried to leave her with him. I had bought cards for his mother and grandmother from him and DD which he knew because I got him to bloody write the message in them (I know I'm a mug, won't be happening again!). My partner's parents came round to say hello in the evening and they gave me a card to say happy first mother's day and gave DD her evening bottle and I nearly cried because I had been feeling so worthless all day. They probably spent £1 on the card and 15 mins with DD but that gesture meant so much. Why the need to kick other women further when they are feeling sad. Bully for ye that ye didn't make a fuss when ye "only" got tea and a few small presents. At least ye were acknowledged.

Bungalowbeth · 31/03/2019 23:10

I’m not even a mum and got made a fuss of cos my dh knows I find today hard after losing my own mum. I got flowers, chocolates and a card from the dog. Sorry for everyone who felt unappreciated and neglected today.

Original poster
LailaByron · 31/03/2019 23:10

Made my own cuppa actually 👍🏻

OP posts:
Friendabc · 31/03/2019 23:11

Well I suppose if you met a father and he said that he did 99% of all the housework and childcare. That he never ever had a lie in whilst his wife went out every single weekend and got pissed up then lied in bed all morning ignoring the dc, that he did all the cooking and then had to wash up etc.
That all he had asked for on fathers day was a lie in and a cup of tea in bed but he hadn't even got that.
Then I hope you would tell him that he too was an ungrateful fucker, who should be glad he at least has a child.
That fathers day is a made up day and he should just get on with enjoying his life.

Isitteayourlookingfor · 31/03/2019 23:12

Wow, and you call me highly strung!

SandyY2K · 31/03/2019 23:12

Oh dear OP, just read your last post. Sorry you've been attacked with this thread.

I'm sure these pp aren't quite as nasty IRL as they are online. Truly not to take it personally.

I don't see where you were smug at all.

SandyY2K · 31/03/2019 23:14

@Friendabc

I'd be wondering why someone stayed with such a spouse tbh.

Friendabc · 31/03/2019 23:15

Yet people do stay with spouses like that, all the time.

notharryssally · 31/03/2019 23:16

I feel sad that so many have complained too. Not because I think they've got it all wrong, but because how sad that so many women feel unappreciated and unloved by those they do so much for. It must feel utterly horrible.

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