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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad that so many people have complained about Mothers Day?

91 replies

LailaByron · 31/03/2019 20:59

I just think it’s sad....and I know everyone’s circumstances are different but ultimately it’s a made up day for shops to make money. My DD1 bought me a bunch of flowers and i gave my DD2 and DS £3 each to buy me something from their school ‘Mothers Day’ shop.
Other than that, my Sunday was the same as any other Sunday. I got up at 7, did washing, ironing, cleaning. Went with DP to DS football match. Came home, cooked lunch for everyone. We all helped clean up after (as we always do) we went for a walk to our local, had a few drinks and came home.
Do I feel neglected? Unloved? Unappreciated? No.
I feel like I’m lucky to have children that love me. Lucky to have children at all to be honest. Especially when there are those that can’t. Or have lost their children.
I’m a mum. My children love me...everyday. I don’t need cards and presents to prove that.

OP posts:
Original poster
LailaByron · 31/03/2019 22:10

@isitteayourlookingfor

and you seem a bit highly strung to me. Jump down off your high horse and get over yourself.

OP posts:
Original poster
LailaByron · 31/03/2019 22:13

@Gottalovesummer

Not smug at all. I haven’t sat here listing the many gifts I got. 2 of the gifts, I paid for!!!! I was trying to make the point that cards, presents and fancy meals out aren’t the be all and end all.

OP posts:
floribunda18 · 31/03/2019 22:14

It's Mothering Sunday, it's not "made up by shops". HTH.

SkintAsASkintThing · 31/03/2019 22:16

I've never seen any blokes moaning about father's Day which is ignored far more .........I think there are a lot of spoilt brats on here tbh.

Bizzle123 · 31/03/2019 22:17

MenuPlant yes but it was my understanding that the church later turned this day into one to honour mothers. Perhaps I’m wrong, but the point stands that this is supposed to be a day about feeling appreciated. I think a lot of what Mothers do goes unnoticed and it’s the most demanding job in the world at times! Wanting one day of recognition doesn’t mean you’re being grabby or you don’t appreciate that you’re lucky to have children

floribunda18 · 31/03/2019 22:17

more recently

All my life, and beyond. I'm in my 40s. The adoption is not "recent".

floribunda18 · 31/03/2019 22:18

Fathers don't need to moan about Fathers Day because they don't deal with all the shit, all the fucking time and just want one day off.

Sitdownstandup · 31/03/2019 22:19

All holidays and festivals are made up. It's a strange thing to point out.

SunshineCake · 31/03/2019 22:19

Good for you OP.

Maybe people who are upset don't feel loved or appreciated or had them pitching in with chores.

Your OP is very smug.

OneBILLIONDollars · 31/03/2019 22:20

I don't think its the lack of gifts or cards, its that they represent feeling undervalued. When I've seen those threads it's always been related to working hard and doing everything every other day of the year and just once wanting to be appreciated or recognised for it. I think to a degree it depends how much the mums feel supported in the home. We'd had people over yesterday so I've done some cleaning today and also made dinner for me and DH after DS was put to bed but I didn't feel put out by that or I shouldn't be doing it on mothers day as me and DH share the household load equally anyway so I don't feel underappreciated. In terms of gifts, we went out for afternoon tea (which I had booked as I'm on mat leave and he is drowning at work atm) & he gave me a card he made on behalf of our 6mo DS.

Meangirls36 · 31/03/2019 22:25

My daughter is safe and well. That's all I care about. I've phoned my mum and she is happy. Also my partner has been doing big cleaning jobs which have bloody frustrating but also very cool.

Sizeofalentil · 31/03/2019 22:27

Fathers probably don't 'moan' about father's Day because most women go to a fuck tonne of effort, which doesn't get reciprocated on mother's day.

I hate threads like these - well done on keeping the spirit of motherhood in your heart all year round and not letting commercialism get in the way - unlike the rest of us shallow and grabby mothers.

At Easter, do you hang yourself off a cross?

tinkerbellla · 31/03/2019 22:27

I just feel lucky to still have my mum and to be a mum after years of trying. I lost my Dad on Mother's Day so it's a weird one though. I don't think the OP is being smug, she's making an observation.

Gottalovesummer · 31/03/2019 22:28

skint wow. Such empathy.

Just take a look at the other mother's day thread.

Some of us have had a really shit day.

We're not spoilt brats.

Justkeeprollingalong · 31/03/2019 22:28

My husband didn't do anything when the girls were small. Why would he, I'm not his mum. But when the girls were old enough to know it was 'mothers' day' they did age/pocket appropriate things. Starting with a cup of tea and a cuddle! They are now grown up and I got cards and a facial.

Isitteayourlookingfor · 31/03/2019 22:29

Oooohhh, touched a nerve did I op?
Not sure where you got highly strung or high horse from but your response to my post says a lot about you.
So if you don’t need gifts why did you bother buying yourself 2?

Grobagsforever · 31/03/2019 22:35

It being affiliated with the church doesn't make it legitimate or meaningful by default. Organised religion isn't the boss of us.

warriorprincessandwidowed · 31/03/2019 22:35

My husband died in December. So your post is abit of a middle finger actually
.. and I'm not a mother's day arsehole either...

So glad you have a fucking perfect life.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/03/2019 22:36

I disagree.
I've had a lovely day, but more importantly, my dds (8&10) have been so excited all week. Excited to make my cards, and make up poems, excited to make my cake, and excited to bring me breakfast in bed. It's all lovely stuff, so I'm not sure why that would be sad.

SteadfastTinSoldier · 31/03/2019 22:39

Both of my children wished me a Happy Mother's Day. They made me cups of tea; we watched a film and had a laugh together; they appreciated the dinner I cooked for them. They are happy and healthy. I'm grateful for that. I love them. I don't need cards and gifts to know it.

I also had an abusive childhood (and beyond). Mother's Day is very hard for me because of the memories it stirs up. I am NC with my mother as she is not allowed to have contact with my children.

I spend the day feeling unworthy of the good things in my life and would prefer to spend it on my own. The desire to 'runaway' from all the good stuff - essentially self sabotage - is great. So I don't see or speak to anyone other than them to avoid that from happening.

My birthday is the same.

My children know that I don't 'celebrate' any of these things and they love me enough to respect that.

And that's good enough for me.

MenuPlant · 31/03/2019 22:40

Pengally

'Its ridiculous that people so easily lose the meaning of Mothering Sunday (NOT a made up holiday) as soon as gifts are involved.'

But mothering Sunday, the meaning, is to go to your mother church.

Nothing to do with mothers.

The stuff about mothers has come from America more recently and has overtaken the original mothering Sunday.

Doing stuff for your mum on this day is not a trafitional/christian/anything.

The church diesnt have a day to honour mothers as far as I know. Certainly the only one they seem to be keen on had to be a virgin...

Lonecatwithkitten · 31/03/2019 22:43

Mothering Sunday is part of the social history of our country. Originally started in the 16th century to return to mother church, as the number of domestic servants increased it was changed to allow child servants to go home to their mothers and was often the only day of the year whole families were together.
The church allowed feasting on this day Laetare Sunday as a mid lent break from fasting.

Original poster
LailaByron · 31/03/2019 22:45

@isitteayourlookingfor

I gave my 2 young DC £3 each to get me a gift because they wanted 2. Is that ok with you?? I’m not fussed about gifts....THEY wanted to get me a gift because they knew that’s what their friends would be doing and I didn’t want them feeling left out. I felt that was more appropriate than having a hissy fit when my exh didn’t get them anything to give me.

Next question...?

OP posts:
PeapodBurgundy · 31/03/2019 22:46

I feel a little flat about mine in terms of OH's attitude. I do pretty much everything with the DC, house, bills, birthday and Christmas shopping for everyone, grocery shopping, cooking, pet care, activities for DC. I knew this, and still chose to have a second child, so the situation is of my own making.

OH asked what I wanted for Mother's Day, I asked for an uninterrupted bath (I've not had a bath alone in at least 7 months unless you count labouring in there!). I didn't get it. If I'd asked for a physical gif, I can guarantee I'd have got it. The bath involved him actually watching the DC for half an hour, so he didn't bother.

That being said, I sacked off my daily chores to take the DC to the cinema where we had treats, then cake shopping to take to see my own DM. It's been a lovely day, but it highlighted the gaping hole in our relationship.

Notcontent · 31/03/2019 22:47

Well, I am not too bothered, even though it was just a normal day for me... but I am a lone parent and I did have a passing thought about the fact that my exH’s second wife was no doubt being treated to a special lunch and presents but I didn’t dwell on that for too long...

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