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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a touch taken for granted by my lazy arse teens on Mother’s Day

104 replies

WoollyMummoth · 31/03/2019 09:56

I’m sat here with my coffee next to 2 unopened mother’s day cards and a bunch of flowers waiting for my Dd17 and ds14 to haul their arses out of bed and give them to me. Said cards and flowers were bought by dh at 11 last night, I know this as he rang me from the supermarket to ask if I like tulips!
I’m a normal mum who provides an ear when they’re worried or excited about stuff in their life, I feed,cloth,taxi them about the land soAIBU to point out to my two that it would have been nice if they could have chosen their own cards and flowers from their not too meagre spending money!!

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 31/03/2019 11:48

Mothers Day is so overdone , it's not a day I'm bothered about TBH.
I always used to see people carrying hideous overblown bouquets , half of which was dyed flowers, leaves , bits of ribbony shit on sticks and the odd lily for good measure Hmm . Seriously a bunch of nice daffodils or tulips are far nicer .

I send a card to my Mum, I do a High Tea for us (but this year I'm just going to buy something simple that the DC can cook - they are teens)

No breakfast in bed though , I was awake before them.

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 31/03/2019 11:50

Wouldn’t bother me. Teenagers in taking parents for granted shocker. This is what they do. Wait til they become adults and take you even more for granted. A parents job is one sided all your life.
I don't understand why anyone would set such low expectations for their children. My siblings and I (all early/mid 20s) were brought up to appreciate our parents. The relationship has been 2 sided since we were little. We never needed reminders for mothers/fathers day as teens or adults but I'm sure we needed reminding on how we were expected to behave! That's a parent's job.

My son's 4 and he remembered it was mothers day as nursery told him. He brought in a card and present he made there this morning and said happy mother's day and said he loves me. If teenagers can't match that then something needs to happen because that's poor behaviour.

swingofthings · 31/03/2019 11:52

My kids are selfish and self-centred and I don't make a fuss of Mother's day but I got a card from my eldest which had a lot of meaning so involved a special thought (as remembering to post on Friday) and I got a nice card and chocolate from the youngest (bought on his own) who got up at 7:30 to give them to me before going back to sleep. I'm in shocked. There's hope for everyone!

Takethebuscuitandthesink · 31/03/2019 11:58

I can’t actually believe what I am reading this is your day it is one of the few days a year mothers get relief I would be livid in your position and more than a “quiet chat” is required here. Well done to your dh though.

le42 · 31/03/2019 12:07

Mother's Day isn't always about spending lots of money, lots of families have traditions/expectations of homemade gifts and cards. It's certainly that way in my family, I'm 29, my sister is 32 and my brother is 17 and we've all done homemade gifts for our mum... it doesn't matter that they look naff- it's about the effort.

reetgood · 31/03/2019 12:10

‘ it is one of the few days a year mothers get relief’ Hmm

Take charge of your own destiny! Take a day off!

No one gains from a motherhood martyrdom narrative

ScarletBitch · 31/03/2019 12:12

@PolPotNoodle Supermarkets are open 24 hours here?

cookiemon666 · 31/03/2019 12:14

Cannot fault my 18 year old daughter, off to work an early shift this morning, siblings informed where my presents were. Picking her up at 14.00 and she is buying me lunch.
Never relied on ex as he was always shit with birthdays etc.
My daughter is off to uni in September, she said this year was special as she will be skint for the next 3 years.x

Beansandcoffee · 31/03/2019 12:16

Alexashutup - it isn’t just about Today which I know is a marketing ploy which is why I don’t expect shop bought cards or gifts I just expect appreciation like I do all year but especially today. My mum died when she was 48 and I was 24. I didn’t get enough time to tell her I loved her. I expect my kids to think of other people at times rather than just themselves and if it means they know I expect a home made card or a coffee in bed and a cuddle then that is what I expect them to do. It isn’t hard and it isn’t pandering to the marketing men - it is pandering to me their mum.

reetgood · 31/03/2019 12:27

@beansandcoffee but your children aren’t you. They’re autonomous creatures. I think you can set expectations of behaviour, but setting expectations of how people demonstrate affection just feels not right.

ScarletBitch · 31/03/2019 13:49

Always one idiot @safariboot Hmm

StarlaP · 31/03/2019 14:30

YANBU but it’s a teen thing. I’ve got two DS’s, 14 & 13, and 2 DD’s, 11 & (almost) 2yo, so it’s been a mixed bag. My toddler woke me up rattling the hell out of a box of Maltesers and gave me a card, which OH has written but got the baby to scribble in and drew around her tiny hands which was adorable, and brought me a coffee in bed. My 11 year old made me fairy cakes yesterday and wrote me a list of 10 things she loves about me which was beautiful! My sons on the other hand.. didn’t get up till midday ish, younger one went to shop on his bike and bought me 3 different kinds of chocs (not a huge choc lover lol) and a card, and my eldest presented me with a ‘thank you’ card that we’ve had a pack of in a drawer for years but did give me a proper cwtch for the first Time in yonks! I’ve loved every minute of it all though, it’s very much who they are right now and that’s ok, I do know they love me :) Yours do too xxx

BlackPrism · 31/03/2019 19:20

Teens are blinkered..: they'll come out of the other side of selfishness around age 19

Takethebuscuitandthesink · 31/03/2019 19:25

Take charge of your own destiny! Take a day off!

Erm a lot of the time you can’t. The difference between taking time of a job is that paperwork/ a conference call can wait for someone to have the day off. But kids can’t wait for you to cook their dinner or get them to do their homework or tuck them in at night. Just try telling a child “sorry there’s nothing to eat tonight because it’s mummy’s night off”. Do you not see how it isn’t that simple Hmm

AbeFroman · 31/03/2019 19:31

Meh, they're teenagers. Don't take it too seriously.

BlackPrism · 31/03/2019 19:56

@Pinkprincess1978 that's awful, if your kids aren't old enough to buy their own cards and gifts/ take you out then it's his job as you are the MOTHER of his children...

Brainwashed · 31/03/2019 20:17

I doubt either of my boys have registered it's mother's day TBH (both away from home)...but they did both phone me on Friday just because they wanted a chat ..I think that's more important.

reetgood · 31/03/2019 20:58

@takethebuscuitandthesink there is a choice. You can plan to take a day off, if that’s not feasible you can take a couple of hours off. There are such things as babysitters, childcare, friends, family. Who feeds the kids on Mother’s Day? Perhaps they can feed them another time too. Such radical thoughts.

Yes it might not be simple, it might not be frequent, but saying that Mothers Day is your only respite indicates you might need to replicate what happens on Mothers Day....at other times! Own oxygen mask first, self care, blablabla don’t be a martyr.

IHaveBrilloHair · 31/03/2019 22:04

Dd ended up drawing me a card on a napkin with crayons we borrowed from the toddler on the next table.
You know, it made me laugh, but also meant a lot because it's very us.
3 years ago she was more likely to be punching me so we've come a long way.
Teenagers are odd creatures, in many ways beefier than toddlers, but very bad at showing it.
Try not to be too upset, organise something you'll all enjoy soon and take that time to remember how much you love them, and them you.

IHaveBrilloHair · 31/03/2019 22:05

Needier, than toddlers, not beefier!GrinConfused

StarlaP · 01/04/2019 02:02

@Ihavebrillohair Both things are true really 😂

madcatladyforever · 01/04/2019 02:22

My son was doing his own ironing by 13 and knew how to cook. It sounds like it's high time you stopped doing this for them or they will not respect you and will take you for granted like we did our mother.

ScienceIsTruth · 01/04/2019 02:45

YANBU, OP.

My dc are 14 and 17 years old.
The eldest got up early to make me (& everyone else) my favourite pancakes for breakfast before leaving for work. I also got a card, flowers and a gin tasting selection box (asked dad to buy it for obvious reasons). The card was very heartfelt and sweet.
My dc14 made me a cup of tea, gave me some gifts she'd bought herself and another lovely, heartfelt card with a poem she'd written for me.

The sweetness and light lasted until I asked the eldest to take the washing out of the dryer for me at around 9pm when she turned back into a typical teen and said she didn't have time, and needed to go to bed!
Although she ended up doing it for me after her dad told her off for acting selfishly, it felt forced rather than offered willingly, iykwim.
The younger one helps out more, but neither off them think to do things off their own back.
I was pleasantly surprised today though as I'm usually wondering what I did wrong to raise such selfish dc, so you're not alone, OP.

Op, What are they normally like?

Ragwort · 01/04/2019 08:10

Was finally give my card at bedtime last night Hmm.

Pinkprincess1978 · 01/04/2019 11:31

@BlackPrism did you not read the part where I said HE bought me a lovely bottle of gin? My DH has always been very thoughtful for Mother's Day as he does recognise that I'm the mother of his children.

His point is that our children are now old enough to start doing some things for themselves eg bringing me breakfast in bed and wrapping my presents up - which they did eventually but did have to be asked many times.

For this I don't blame him at all as he is right, they are old enough to be showing me themselves that they appreciate what I do for them and that appreciation can be shown by doing things for me rather than their dad doing them which he has done for years.