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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a touch taken for granted by my lazy arse teens on Mother’s Day

104 replies

WoollyMummoth · 31/03/2019 09:56

I’m sat here with my coffee next to 2 unopened mother’s day cards and a bunch of flowers waiting for my Dd17 and ds14 to haul their arses out of bed and give them to me. Said cards and flowers were bought by dh at 11 last night, I know this as he rang me from the supermarket to ask if I like tulips!
I’m a normal mum who provides an ear when they’re worried or excited about stuff in their life, I feed,cloth,taxi them about the land soAIBU to point out to my two that it would have been nice if they could have chosen their own cards and flowers from their not too meagre spending money!!

OP posts:
QueenMabby · 31/03/2019 10:50

Both my DH and my DD are away this weekend (on separate trips). My DS has given me cards and gifts (from both him and dd) which I know DH bought (mine aren’t yet teens). Ds has taken himself downstairs to play on the PlayStation magnanimously declaring that he’ll do without breakfast so I don’t have to make anything 😂😂
Thank heavens for my in-laws who are taking ds and me out to lunch later (my parents live hours away and are on a city break this weekend anyway!).

IHaveBrilloHair · 31/03/2019 10:54

I got a FB post with a photo of her poking me with a broom, and I'm taking her out for a late lunch.
She's 17, and doesn't cope well with occasions of any sort, they make her anxious (undiagnosed ASD)
I'm used to it now.

happymummy12345 · 31/03/2019 10:55

Well my day started with my husband getting up late for work as he was sure he set his alarm but it didn't go off (so he can't have done). As a result he was snapping because he was rushing. Anyway he quickly got ready and rushed off to work without even saying happy Mother's Day to me, no cards or presents (don't even think he's got them tbh). I'd hoped he'd make me a tea before he left but instead I got snapped at. So that's my day. At home with ds (3 and a half) and will be treating it like any other day, getting things done. (NC with my own mum so nothing there). Hopefully the evening is better. (The cards and presents don't bother me as much, but a simple happy Mother's Day while he got dressed would have been nice).
Tomorrow is my birthday so hopefully he will make it up to me then.

AlexaShutUp · 31/03/2019 10:58

YANBU, OP. Your kids are old enough to make an effort and it's disappointing that they haven't, unless there is a particular reason for that. Your DH shouldn't have to organise them any more!

I too have a teenage dd. I might get a homemade card later but she hasn't done much for mother's day this year as she has been incredibly busy. I'm not bothered in the slightest, as she usually makes a big effort and did a lot for my birthday a few weeks ago, all without any input from DH - he is away in any case.

As it happens, DD was in tears yesterday because she hadn't had a chance to organise anything for today. I told her that I wasn't at all bothered because she shows her appreciation for me in lots of ways, and not just on special occasions. For example, she has been helping me to declutter the house, and she thanked me really nicely yesterday for taking her and her friends to an activity that they wanted to do.

What are your kids like the rest of the year, OP? If they're generally helpful and appreciative, I'd cut them some slack. However, if they take you for granted all the time anyway and never acknowledge what you do for them, I think I'd be inclined to tell them that you're a bit disappointed in their lack of effort.

cardibach · 31/03/2019 10:58

I get that it’s nice to be recognised on this particular day (DD is an adult living about 2 hours away - I’m going to see her for a meal out and stay over later) but I think cards with lengthy messages and presents (or conversely no cards) are a bit by-the-by. Are you appreciated daily? Do they show they appreciate your efforts in a general way? This is far more important to me than behaviour on an allocated day.

GreenTulips · 31/03/2019 10:59

take yourself out with your DH for breakfast

He’s playing golf

nokidshere · 31/03/2019 10:59

My two teens went to Tesco at midnight last night on their way home from a night out. I know they did this because when I woke this morning DS2 had already left for work and he had left a card and supermarket flowers (already put into a vase). DS1 won't surface for another few hours yet but I imagine he will have a card and a bar of chocolate. I can hear DH moving around upstairs so I will get breakfast shortly, the same as always.

It doesn't matter how/when they shopped, or what they bought, or even if they are out of bed or not. Today I'm chilling regardless of their plans 😁. Just relax, let them make coffee/lunch when they wake and say thank you for the cards/flowers.

reetgood · 31/03/2019 10:59

I’m not a fan of Mother’s Day, it’s a bit of a marketing triumph imo. If you have expectations, communicate them. My Mum is supremely unbothered and I’m not going to get too worked up over 14 month old/ my partner not getting me a card. If it’s giving by rote, is it really appreciation? My partner understands that his Mum needs a gift on Mother’s Day, but he privately thinks it’s a bit of a meaningless charade.

Teens are self centered, it’s an evolutionary thing. Expecting different is surely a recipe for unhappiness?

boble1 · 31/03/2019 11:00

According to my 17 year old DD, my Mother's Day present is herself Shock

le42 · 31/03/2019 11:00

That's so shit of them. Maybe you should do that for their next birthday

reetgood · 31/03/2019 11:02

@boble1 Grin I like her style!

StillDumDeDumming · 31/03/2019 11:04

My dc live with their dad and I doubt I’ll see them today...or anytime soon. I spoke to both yesterday and they didn’t mention it, so I presume they’ve forgotten (14 and 18). Their dad is very controlling. My own mum is away on a much deserved break. I would normally spend the day with her, but I’ll see her quite soon and have a small gift and a nice card I know she’ll love, so I’m looking forward to that. I’m not really a mum anymore but I am a daughter and I do cherish that.

I thought I’d be ok but I must admit it’s making me sad. They live within walking distance too. Or a lovely text would be great. Flowers to all mums and the mum figures , whatever your individual circumstances.

Original poster
WoollyMummoth · 31/03/2019 11:06

Thank you all for your many and varied replies. This thread was meant to be lighthearted.!! I’m in no way a martyr and after a little chat with kids about how we could all be a little more thoughtful(!) we’re all friends again. Well dd has retreated to her room to sleep and dh is plugged into his PlayStation,oh and I’m not the one who said I’m off to do their ironing, that was another pp. A happy and sunny mother’s day to all!😁

OP posts:
HelenaJustina · 31/03/2019 11:06

The WiFi code thing made me snort!

They do (often) get better, my DB organised himself to Interflora flowers to my Mum yesterday. Something that would have been inconceivable when he was 14/15.

My eldest is just pre-teen and got upset yesterday that DH hadn’t helped her get more sorted, whether that will still be true in a couple of years is another matter!

HotSauceCommittee · 31/03/2019 11:07

OldSpringChicken and reetgood have nailed it.
My teen asked me what I wanted (he’s 15: first time he’s done something on Mother’s Day and not DH for him). I said I wasn’t that arsed as it’s commercial, but a homemade card and some generic brand of chocolates that I like would be good. This happened and he’s also made me a coffee. I’m happy if we can all sit together to eat. I’ll probably cook it as DH has just come back off a long haul trip this morning.
I just feel lucky in other ways and accept how self absorbed my teen is atm. Too much expectation and pressure on Mothers Day.
Happy Mother’s Day everyone. Take joy in the little things.

Beansandcoffee · 31/03/2019 11:09

I had words with my 14 year old this morning about how sad he had made me feel by not even acknowledging me when he shuffled out of his room and then sat using his phone for an hour. He has now come and apologised with a hand made card. I will not tolerate rudeness. Both of mine know I expect the day to be recognised by them even if they think it is a waste of time.

safariboot · 31/03/2019 11:13

I don't know any English supermarket that's open 24/7. Plenty of big ones that open 24 hours in the week, but they close Saturday and Sunday nights because of the Sunday trading laws.

/Offtopic

AlexaShutUp · 31/03/2019 11:14

Both of mine know I expect the day to be recognised by them even if they think it is a waste of time.

Each to their own, but I really struggle to understand this approach. For me, the value of anything that dd does on mother's day lies in the fact that she has chosen to do it. I actually go out of my way to make it clear that I don't expect anything, because I don't want dd to do something simply in order to comply with my expectations. Isn't that a bit meaningless?

The whole thing has been commercialised in any case. As another poster has said, it's the day to day stuff that is more important in my view.

StillDumDeDumming · 31/03/2019 11:15

Just rang my mum, she’s back from holiday and had got her dates in a muddle! I’m off to see her and take her present and card. Grin

Bluelonerose · 31/03/2019 11:17

Ds1 and dd both teens stayed with their dad last night. Haven't heard a peep from ds1 but dd has tagged me in a fb post.
Ds2 (8) came bounding in as soon as I opened my eyes with a homemade card and ran off downstairs to get bring me a cup of tea and a crossiant in bed.
He then proceeded to give me individual bags of chocolate which he told me I could eat for breakfast.

Bit upset older dc haven't spoke to me direct but at least I'll see them later.

ScarletBitch · 31/03/2019 11:21

Think it's typical teenage behaviour OP. All 3 of my kids are still asleep with not a card or present in sight!

Spottyowl · 31/03/2019 11:23

Totally agree @AlexaShutUp.

nokidshere · 31/03/2019 11:30

I just got a text from DS2 who has been at work since 8am. It said "happy Mother's Day, please can I have some money" Wink

Purplecatshopaholic · 31/03/2019 11:31

Mothers Day is a big marketing scam to make money. Why some people on here are making such a big deal of it I dont know - you should be appreciated and treated well every day, not just this one!

Bluesmartiesarebest · 31/03/2019 11:35

I agree with beansandcoffee. It’s fine to ask for Mother’s day to be recognised if it’s important to you. When my DCs were teens I expected a card as a minimal gesture (and they usually bought something and made breakfast but I never expected it). There is nothing wrong with saying you want your DCs to make a small effort on Mother’s Day.