Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a touch taken for granted by my lazy arse teens on Mother’s Day

104 replies

WoollyMummoth · 31/03/2019 09:56

I’m sat here with my coffee next to 2 unopened mother’s day cards and a bunch of flowers waiting for my Dd17 and ds14 to haul their arses out of bed and give them to me. Said cards and flowers were bought by dh at 11 last night, I know this as he rang me from the supermarket to ask if I like tulips!
I’m a normal mum who provides an ear when they’re worried or excited about stuff in their life, I feed,cloth,taxi them about the land soAIBU to point out to my two that it would have been nice if they could have chosen their own cards and flowers from their not too meagre spending money!!

OP posts:
Userisi · 31/03/2019 10:17

I think it's up to your husband to pull them up by their boot straps and tell them this isn't good enough, it's no good for him to just do it (but lovely that he did, lots of dads wouldn't I'm sure) but to explain why it's important to show you consideration on this day.

MulticolourMophead · 31/03/2019 10:17

It's his job until the kids are old enough to do it themselves, then it's his job to guide them until they are old enough to take sole responsibility.

It might have been nice if someone had hammered that into my ex. I rarely got anything unless I organised it myself. and the rare times he actually did something, he acted like I needed to give him a fucking medal.

Now the DC are old enough, and we live without ex, they organise it themselves and showed they care. I got a lovely bouquet today.

Cushellekoala · 31/03/2019 10:18

I dont expect anything for mothers day. Even when kids were little and couldnt do stuff for themselves, DH often forgot. Now there is 2 min when they might give me a present or flowers then everyone else does as they please, leaves me all the normal chores and its no different from any other day! I also dont have my own mum any more so i can't do something for her or with her.

hmwhatsmynameagain · 31/03/2019 10:18

I had lunch with the youngest yesterday (that I bought) as they were busy today, but was gifted a box of chocolates and a card

The eldest WhatsApp'd me late last night as they are on the other side of the world so it was already Sunday there - this surprised me as I didn't think they would remember a UK date when it is celebrated in May where they are.

Small gestures from my late teens which mean a lot,
My expectations have decreased from experience of the early teen years especially compared to what they tried to do as younger children

Racmactac · 31/03/2019 10:19

I'm feeling pretty annoyed as well. One day of the year and my 2 ages 13 and 12 appear to have made no effort whatsoever.
12 year old full of cold and I've taken lemsips hot water bottle etc.

Trying not to get upset but it's hard to think you've raised such selfish children.

Paddington68 · 31/03/2019 10:20

And when they wake, mysteriously the wi-fi password has changed.

NoMushroomInHere · 31/03/2019 10:24

Have just started a thread about things like this.

Your kids don't appreciate you. Don't be a martyr. You need to go and treat yourself today.

When you return later, have stern words with the kids about their lack of appreciation and make sure they know how disappointed in them you are. I'd then be thinking about making some changes around the house so they know how much you do for them. Give them more responsibility for looking after themselves. At that age, there is absolutely no need for you to be doing laundry or ironing. They can also be taking turns in doing dinner some nights.

If not, things will never change. This will be how it is each year, You'll become more of a martyr and your kids will resent you for it.

Nishky · 31/03/2019 10:24

Hotpotlawyer I agree with every word and the quote about not appearing on Crimewatch made me laugh a lot !

OldSpringChicken · 31/03/2019 10:24

Most teenagers do only think about themselves. They're going through all sorts of life changes /stress even if it's not obvious. I think in an ideal world, as a parent, giving constant, unconditional love and being a good role model gets them through - and it's easier said than done especially when DH has a different view! Making kids feel guilty by saying something may or may not be the right thing to do... None of us really knows we're all mums just guessing any we? Happy mothers day everyone, don't beat yourselves up, we're all doing a great job however we're doing it 💐

JakeBallardswife · 31/03/2019 10:24

I’m going to feel a bit sorry for the kids here, they’ve not got up yet, fair enough it’s a Sunday & clocks went back. And haven’t had a chance to give you anything yet, it’s still early! Your DH chose the cards & flowers, who’s to say that they haven’t made their own or want to make you lunch? Give them a chance!

Hyacintharehighersincelasttime · 31/03/2019 10:30

I am waiting for breakfast from my teen, but we had a night out last night, lost an hour, drunk rather too much

Crazyhairymary · 31/03/2019 10:30

Wouldn’t bother me. Teenagers in taking parents for granted shocker. This is what they do. Wait til they become adults and take you even more for granted. A parents job is one sided all your life.

All this Mother’s Day shit gets on my tits. I’ve never seen a group of blokes making a fuss about Father’s Day. Most wouldn’t know when it is if they weren’t reminded.

Hyacintharehighersincelasttime · 31/03/2019 10:31

However i think the day is totally over hyped

Kintan · 31/03/2019 10:31

Most teenagers do only think about themselves. They're going through all sorts of life changes /stress even if it's not obvious

Me and my brothers used to be teenagers and we never forgot/didn’t bother with Mother’s Day! I don’t think that just being a teenager is an excuse for being thoughtless and unappreciative as it’s not a universal teenage trait.

Petalflowers · 31/03/2019 10:31

Can I join the disappointed-mum brigade. It’s more the lack of thought than anything.

Actually ds1 did send me a card which made me chuckle.

Dh asked dc2 (dc2) whether he had got anything. He said no so dh said he would get a card and told me this whilst shopping. So there was no pretence that it was even from ds2. I said don’t bother, just spend some money on some flowers.

To add insult to injury, he left me to pop into the supermarket to choose my own flowers (and buy a few other bits and bobs).

Dh is away with work today, dc2 is just getting up, so indulged myself on the Boden and M and S sales!

OldSpringChicken · 31/03/2019 10:34

Teenagers do only tend to think about themselves. They're going though all kinds of life changes /stress even if it's not obvious on the outside. As parents all we can do is give constant, unconditional love and be good role models in the hope that this is sufficient to turn them into decent adults. This is easier said than done especially if DH has a different opinion. Making them feel guilty may or may not be a good idea, none of us really knows. We're just mums trying to our best. Don't beat yourselves up about it, we're all mums doing our jobs in our own way so Happy mothers day everyone 💐

OldSpringChicken · 31/03/2019 10:35

Oops sorry posted twice

AJPTaylor · 31/03/2019 10:40

I have decided not to care. I always got my mum a nice card and flowers and fuss.
Dh got his mum a box of roses chocs she was delighted with.
My kids are not into gift giving. They have all paid to come home (eldest ones). So that will just have to do! I will buy myself some fab flowers tomorrow!

Originofstars · 31/03/2019 10:40

Mother's Day is meaningless to me,too many years of being forced to go to church. My teen who is also still asleep has I think I got me a card and a gift but undoubtedly prompted by his girlfriend. But if he didn't it wouldn't make a jot of difference to me. On my birthday I always get a card from him in which he's written a message that always makes me cry. "Mum I know I'm selfish and sometimes moody and I don't always say how much I appreciate you but I want to thank you for everything you do for me, I love you more than anything". That's priceless

Runmybathforme · 31/03/2019 10:40

Your DH should be having a quiet word with them. I wouldn’t stress over it though, teens can be so thoughtless.

Floralnomad · 31/03/2019 10:41

Well I have ds(26) and dd(19) , and both have always been excellent at sorting out presents . This year I’ve had tulips , 3 boxes of various dessert chocolates and some Molton Brown hand creams from ds and a CD and new slippers from dd .

Dramatical · 31/03/2019 10:43

Also how did your husband buy flowers at a supermarket on a Saturday at 11pm when they close at 10pm?

Ours are open 24 hours 🤷🏻‍♀️

What's with the desperate attempt to pick fault at something?

HotpotLawyer · 31/03/2019 10:48

Also, OP, you haven’t seen what they have written in the card.

They might bring tears to your eyes ‘

Glad you have swapped bosom hefting for dancing Wink

MaybeitsMaybelline · 31/03/2019 10:48

They get better honestly they do.

I got the best ever this year, it was truly lovely but they are 24 and 21. Both funny, apt cards with length messages telling me how much they appreciate me and presents that had a lot of thought in them. I was quite emotional.

It’s been a long time coming 😀

AnnettePrice · 31/03/2019 10:49

Well unless a miracle happened and I don’t know about it, Teen DC hasn’t gotten me anything or attempted to make anything (DC is a good Baker). Just like my birthday.

I let it go last time. I won’t this time.

I’ve dropped unsubtle hints by saying about me getting a card for my DM and about plans to see her today as it’s mother’s day. So DC knows it’s MD today.