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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be disappointed in DH

114 replies

Whatkatyforgottodo · 31/03/2019 08:29

Just had to practically kick my husband out of bed to make me breakfast in bed with DD that he’d promised me for mother’s day. Not the start to the day I’d hoped for. So AIBU to be a bit disappointed?

OP posts:

MajesticWhine · 31/03/2019 10:09

OP, if it makes you feel any better, I am still waiting for a cup of tea. DH has gone cycling and the kids are all still asleep. No sign of a card.

Sunshinegirl82 · 31/03/2019 10:10

I don't get the "it's just a day" narrative. If it matters to you then it should matter to your partner. Even if they think it's a total load of hallmark bullshit.

Is it really that difficult to go to Tesco for a card and a box of chocolates, get up with your own kids and make your partner a cup of tea? Are people's standards so low that to want that is being grabby and unreasonable?

I get circumstances (work, kids clubs etc) might not always permit it but for most it's a perfectly achievable demonstration of appreciation.

Obviously it has to be taken in the context of the relationship as a whole but I don't understand what's so difficult about it.

WillGymForPizza · 31/03/2019 10:11

Christ, some of you sound so bloody needy. It's just a day, a religious festival that's been hijacked by card and gift companies. Thankfully my DM has always been happy with a card and small gift.

Expecting breakfast in bed?! Honestly, get over yourselves!

DizzyPhillips · 31/03/2019 10:11

No complaints here. I’m still in bed and DH has been downstairs with the two kids since half seven 🙌🏻 I am furious about the loss of an hour of my lie in though.

rcp27 · 31/03/2019 10:11

My dh rarely makes an effort for occasions such as this or birthdays.
I was up four times with the baby and then the 3 year old was up at 5. Didn't get so much as a Happy Mother's Day as I walked down the stairs.

Going to book my self a spa afternoon one Saturday and he can have both children by himself!

Friendabc · 31/03/2019 10:12

I also agree with the op.
If your dp cannot be bothered to get up with the dc and set an example that it is not just a woman's job to do all the domestic grunge work on one day then what type of a dp is he.
Fair enough if your dp pulls his weight with childcare and all domestic chores.
However I'm willing to bet that the ones who don't make any effort to sort out their own dc on this one day a year, don't do it on the other 364 days either.

Kind, considerate partners are kind and considerate all the time.
The I'm is not asking for a diamond ring and a brand new car, she just wants her dp to set a good example to the dc and make her a drink and breakfast!
Jesus is that too much to ask?

Nishky · 31/03/2019 10:12

I picked up four slightly tipsy teenage girls who all chorused ‘Happy Mother’s Day’when car clock passed midnight. Got to bed at 1:00/2:00.

Teenage son wished me Happy Mother’s Day when I woke him for football. Now about to watch him play.

Loving my Mother’s Day so far.

pointbla · 31/03/2019 10:15

I got my own cards and balloons for the kids and booked restaurant so kids enjoy the day.

Nishky · 31/03/2019 10:16

Although I have not covered myself in glory as I had to text my own mum yesterday to admit that I hadn’t posted her card as I was seeing her Friday night and I forgot to take it.
Hope the flowers I ordered soften the blow

CostanzaG · 31/03/2019 10:16

willgym it's hardly needy to want a cup of tea and some toast in bed! It's a nice gesture.

Mumof3needswine · 31/03/2019 10:19

I feel a bit disappointed today . Partner volunteered to do a night shift last night got in at 7 trashed the kitchen making him self some food and woke the kids up . Then climbed into bed with out a word . Got up to give the kids breakfast and make a brew and hes moved the cards so now ghe kids dont know where they are. He will now sleep till 6 leaving me to deal with his mum this afternoon

MsHybridFanGirl · 31/03/2019 10:22

Growing up, we always made occasions out of mother's/father's day, Easter etc.
When I was with my ex he wasn't used to any of that and my mum used to buy me something (from my daughter) for Mother's Day. Even when my ex started buying me stuff she carried on the tradition; we just like celebrating certain days and making them feel a bit more special than others.
My dd (13) has been saving her pocket money and I woke up today to balloons all over my bedroom, flowers, cards (even one from our puppy!) little toiletries etc and she has baked me some cupcakes. She has been planning it for a while and the effort she has made (the thought she has put into it for me) means the world.
I would also be happy with a card and bunch of flowers, it's the sentiment behind it that counts.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 31/03/2019 10:23

Oh well OP, I feel your pain. I dread mother’s day as it is always a bitter sweet experience I would rather it didn’t exist.

We are reading in bed (that is, my teen, the dog and me) after having breakfast in bed, after reading a long letter from my son thanking me for giving him a normal childhood despite all the very difficult times we had managed to get through together. We have not seen his dad for 10 years. I’m reassured he is alive as he is still paying maintenance and I get monthly rants from the ex MIL about how on Earth can he be so good in business and abandon his kid like that to raise the son of his new partner. (I much rather she didn’t try to be so supportive)

On the other side, that boyfriend of mine who had kindly offered to swap days with his ex so she could spend the day with her kids is away as the mum resents my existence so much, she has cancelled at the last minute but ensured she booked the kids in activities for the whole weekend including an even today, an hour from here, which extends until late afternoon and she wouldn’t let us know the times until last night . So she didn’t get to have breakfast or lunch with her kids but succeeded in also having my day ruined (we had booked to go out for lunch). He has sent me flowers to make me feel better at the whole thing, but...

Despite the flowers, the cards and the breakfast... I would much rather prefer today was a Tuesday.

emmaxlouise88 · 31/03/2019 10:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

charliebear78 · 31/03/2019 10:25

Just remember and do the same for Fathers Day! Simple ha

Jaffacakebeast · 31/03/2019 10:26

I’m a single mum so had many years with nothing, but this year, (he’s 12) I’ve had chocolates and a card delivered to my bed, told to live like a teenager, he’s doing all the chores and looking after the dog, I can Netflix or read all day in bed, he’s also told me there’s a tub of salted caramel ice cream in the freezer, best Mother’s Day ever

PolarBearBubbles · 31/03/2019 10:26

I got up at 7 (so actually 6) when DC woke as DH took 15 minutes to go when they were awake and calling so I was too awake to go back to sleep and have a lie in.
Made myself breakfast, then DH told me I should take DD (14 months) to her swimming lesson instead of him. Eventually agreed he would take her but then told DC that mummy would have lunch ready for when everyone got back
I did get a lovely handmade card and bunch of tulips from DC... aka my sister, nothing to do with DH!

tomhazard · 31/03/2019 10:28

Yeah I think YABU. Small children are unable to show genuine gratitude, they shouldn't have to. Your are not your husband's mother so why should he make you stuff?

My DD is 6 1/2 and made me a lovely card because she is getting to the age where she gets it a bit. She asked DH to buy some chocolate she could give me so he did - he wouldn't have done if she hadn't asked because I'm not his mum. DS is 3 and didn't make or do anything, because he's 3. DH made them breakfast because it's his turn to do so - not because it's mother's day! I find adult women who obsess over this pretty silly. Maybe if your children were quite a bit older and capable of gratitude then it would be fair enough to expect something, but not from really young children or your husband.

WillGymForPizza · 31/03/2019 10:28

Constnz. Yes it is. Who even eats in bed anyway? It's messy and unhygienic.

Never come across so many needy, whingy mothers as I have on here today. There's another thread currently moaning about teenage kids not yet being out of bed. Thankfully the mum's I know in real life are happy with a gift and card from their children.

QueenKubauOfKish · 31/03/2019 10:29

for everyone who’s feeling upset (well for everyone!)

No dp here, I no longer have to watch ex snoring on mother’s day morning. My mum used to be really manipulative about Mother’s Day so I avoid putting any pressure on anyone, but 9yo dd has made a card and made me coffee this morning, and we’re going for a picnic.

Hope everyone has the best day possible. If your dp isn’t interested, focus on your dc or just yourself.

ScafellPoke · 31/03/2019 10:30

I think yabu only because I don’t give a monkeys about mothers day.

CostanzaG · 31/03/2019 10:34

Not one person on here has come across as needy or whingy.....
Is it really too much to expect some acknowledgment on Mother's Day?

I get that breakfast in bed isn't for everyone but I don't think it's an unnecessary expectation to have a lie in and some breakfast! Bloody hell!

Greggers2017 · 31/03/2019 10:35

My elder two are at their dads no messages from them.
My step-daughter has gone out swimming, no message from her.
I'm heavily pregnant and partner has gone out cycling and to the pub with his mates. I've been left to do housework 🙄

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 31/03/2019 10:38

I’m separated and DS is with his dad today. My mum ( in another country) sent me a card, and I had a little cry when I spoke to her. I’m in my 40s and she’s in her 70s. You never stop being a mum whatever your age or circumstances.

timeisnotaline · 31/03/2019 10:39

I mark father’s day but not the same way, as we have babies and dp didn’t have hg, push them out, spend months recovering while spending all day every day with baby and toddler and all night up every 2 hours at least with the baby, he only gets up when I’m desperate and I ask him. So although he’s great with feeding and looking after and taking the kids out, I expect him to make mother’s day special. And he knows if he doesn’t he's lead parent nights then if it’s not worth a day’s effort to say thanks, so he falls over himself to make it a nice day.

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