To roll my eyes after joining an app specifically to meet other mums?

[daphine2004]

I’ll probably get flamed as I feel a bit of a bitch, but I can’t believe some people.

As this is my second pregnancy I downloaded an app to meet other new mums rather than go back to the NCT, but I couldn’t believe some of the posts, comments responding to posts and general profiles of some people. Examples are:

1. In relation to a six month old baby “baby’s first McFlurry”
2. In relation to a four month old baby “when did you start giving your baby juice?”, responses: “two months as they wouldn’t drink water”
3. In relation to a four month old baby “I know people are funny about weaning before six months, but when did you start weaning?”

I could go on, but I’ll stop. A lot of the posts were from young first mums (I felt old but I’m only 33!) and I just kept rolling my eyes in disbelief.

Has anyone come across an app to meet other parents who may be more Mumsnet than NetMums?

I'm a 30-something, breastfeeding, sling using mum who weaned at 4.5 months and would happily let a 6 month old have a bit of ice cream.

I don't really know what "more Mumsnet" means

Thanks @NeverTwerkNaked. I'm actually blessed with a really easy baby. But a so not perfect mummy. I eat far too much sugar and cups of tea. She's always covered in cat hair - it gets everywhere. The list goes on. I'm actually shocked I've managed to breastfeed without going insane and used to think slings were pretentious. I do feel under pressure because of work to follow the guidelines. And I'm quite a rigid person so I feel more comfortable that way. It's far too early for me to judge other mum's! I already feel I'm using her dummy far too much to get some time to myself rather than for safe sleep reasons. Sorry to derail - Just feeling defensive now and needing to declare my sins so you know I'm one of you. @Snuggle 'more Mumsnet' - yuck!!

@CrabbyPatty
No worries at all, I can certainly understand the sleep deprivation! Sorry I was so sensitive - breastfeeding will always be a sore subject for me, unfortunately. Rationally, I know I can’t help having IGT, but in my irrational moments, I still feel like a failure. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.

Oh also on the Mother's day pic DH put on FB I look like I'm staring adoringly at DD but if you look carefully I'm actually looking at my phone! ;) @Livingoncake it can be a breeze for some and a bitch for others. So unfair. X

BF or FF - I don’t care, I did both but juice in a bottle tots teeth. Have you seen the latest stats in tooth decay in young children. It’s staggering and it’s from this sort of feeding. Endless contact w sugary drink. 🤢

I’d have run a mile too. My DCs are teens bus but I did meet some mums through combo of NCT classes and coffee mornings, playgroups (more second time around), new mum baby websites etc. It is important to have that mum circle when DCs are younger unless you prefer your own company!

Slight derail... but can I ask what the problem is with slings? I use one when the pram is impractical (looking at you, badly spaced ALDI). Is there something I've missed?

WonkyDonk87
I don’t think there is a specific problem with them. I read it like some parents who use a sling think they are doing something spectacular and better than others. That’s how I understand it anyway, correct me MN if I am wrong!!

I know which app you mean and I have it though rarely use it. Some of the advice people ask on there is really basic, so I know where you're coming from but I do think you're being judgemental.
Some people wean before 6 months and some give juice, if that's what they want to do, then fine. They are guidelines only, and it doesn't mean that you are better than them because you know more than them or are more intelligent.
For what it's worth I've made a good mate on there, but it was someone I already knew vaguely in real life, but became friendlier from chatting on the app.
I just turn off the notifications and I'll probably delete the app soon

I know the app you means and there is a lot of the sort of stuff you describe but you do find the odd person you really click with!

Thanks WTF - thought I'd missed something crucial then. I worry every time I wear it that I'm being judged for it not being tied well enough.... the judgement/paranoia complex continues.... 🤦🏽‍♀️

Well this has turned out to be an interesting thread and I’m truly sorry for some of the situations other mums are in or have been in. I know being a new mum is tough and that’s why I downloaded the app, but I’m going to persevere with it and see who is on there and if I click with anyone nearer the time.

I wrote the post not to make mums feel bad about themselves, as we all make our own choices, but the examples I gave were extreme, in my opinion, particularly the McFlurry. My post didn’t say anything about breastfeeding or sling wearing, each to their own. Personally I didn’t enjoy breastfeeding which is why I won’t be doing it again. I wish I did but it’s not for me. I’d love to find the right sling so I can mumsnet in one hand and drink a glass of wine in the other (joking! 🤣)

Anyway, I hope you all have a lovely mother’s day, what’s left of it.

FGS, letting a 6 month old have a bit of ice cream isn't "extreme" What planet are you on?
Ditto weaning at 4 months - maybe those mums have just done a bit more research than you?

Weaning at 4 months was commonplace until fairly recently so not extreme in the slightest.

@Smoggle and @shaddywaddy when I had my first four years ago it was weaning from six months, so not sure how recently it changed. It may be different in other locations/where you live and could be dependent on any particular needs of the child.

We will have to agree to disagree about the ice cream.

Most of my friends I never met through my kids thankfully we have other stuff in common

It has transpired that some do have children, some of similar ages even and many none at all.

It has worked for me

Regarding weaning one of mine was weaned at four months, as per advice at time, the other at six months both alive and well at Secondary school

daphine - 6 months is a guideline. It's not a law, it's not universal, and there is little evidence that weaning from 4 months is harmful and some evidence that weaning from 4 months is beneficial. You sound a little bit uneducated on the subject.

I did an NCT course and met two women who had totally opposing parenting views to me and we had nothing at all in common whereas five of the other women have become some of my closest friends and we still meet up frequently and are in regular contact now. You really can’t guarantee who will be on your course but if you think you follow the ethos of NCT then it stands to reason you are more likely to make friends through it than an app.

NCT do refresher courses or else you could just do another antenatal one.

Similar here PolarBear. I’m still in touch with four of them and really like them but the three others were not my types. I thought we were really lucky actually. I’m so glad I did it as I was originally put off thinking NCT was lentil weaving-y but these mums were older like me and v normal

Cannot be doing with smug mumming. It's bloody hard work without being judged for your every decision.

'YANBU just avoid and try NCT again - if you’re BF I find most will share your outlook...'

Yeah, only BF mums care about their children's health. All FF mums are scummy mummies.

Is it MUSH?

I deleted the app. There was a mum on there posting photos of her crying son with "Why won't this little shit sleep, I wish I hadn't had him" captions, and it upset me (and apparently other commenters too). It wasn't the mums asking for advice that bothered me but the "advice". Like putting baby rice in the bottle of a 2 month old who was cluster feeding.

• @Dramatical I know, just because we are mums doesn’t mean we will get on.*

Unfortunately I don’t have time for hobbies anymore as I work full time and travel quite a bit, so I squeeze in what I can, when I can. It’s annoying and I only have my weekends which is family time. However I’m joining pregnancy yoga next week which runs on a Saturday morning.*

I'm in a similar situation with 2nd baby due imminently and not really in touch with 1st nct group anymore (bit of a mixed bunch but mostly they've all gone back to work full time and were quite judgy about me not sleep training and still breastfeeding past 6 months... they never found out I carried it on til DD turned 2!) I've downloaded Mush and Peanut but find them much the same as you in that they seem to attract a lot of young single mums who I wouldn't have much in common with (I'm 33 & married). I think meeting anyone online is tricky though. I met up with one girl who on paper I should have gotten along with but it felt like an awful date. So dull. I felt bad when she messaged afterwards to try to meet again and had to basically say I was super busy for upcoming weeks but maybe I'd see her around at local baby classes etc to try to keep it friendly but also make it clear that we wouldn't be having more playdates The best girls I've met were just by going to local parks etc so I think really just get out and about. Good luck!