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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To choose a cleaner over a pension

125 replies

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/03/2019 18:57

So by way of background I’ve recently gone back to work full time, I’m out of the house from 8am-6.15pm every day- my LO 20months goes to nursery 2.5 days a week. I would say we aren’t doing badly financially but the cost of nursery, an increase in council tax and now the bastard increase in pension contributions is taking a huge chunk out of our income.
This weekend it’s really struck me how hard it is working full time with a toddler, there’s no time to do anything, every room in my house is a shit heap (despite cleaning constantly), my ironing has now engulfed our third bedroom and I feel so guilty not spending enough time with my LO at weekends.
So I’m thinking of opting out of my pension with work (you can only opt out, you can’t reduce the % contribution)- just until my LO is 3 and some free hours kick in. I’d use the money towards a cleaner/ ironing lady. I’d obviously lose out on the contributions from my company over that time but I think it would be a life saver- am I looking at this wrongly?

OP posts:

poglets · 30/03/2019 20:13

Rent out a spare room to pay for the ironing /cleaner. There's a lot of ways to make additional income or make what you have go further, that's an option too.

Pepperwand · 30/03/2019 20:13

Did I read correctly that nursery for 2.5 days a week is costing you £700 a month? I'm in the South East where childcare costs are high but that does sound a lot. Our nursery fees are £940 a month for four days but with the tax free childcare account we're only paying in £750 or so. Are you getting tax free childcare/childcare vouchers?

And I'm another one that never irons anything. Not a thing! Nobody notices or cares.

Knittedfairies · 30/03/2019 20:16

Don't opt out of your pension. The fact that you had dust-free skirting boards in your early thirties won't mean two hoots when you're 70.

LaurieMarlow · 30/03/2019 20:16

I hate putting non ironed clothes away, it’s takes up more room etc

Seriously think about your priorities here.

Is this really worth sacrificing time with your DC and/or compromising your income when you’re older for this?

Who gives a flying fuck what the clothes look like in the drawers?

GuineaPiglet345 · 30/03/2019 20:17

Don’t stop paying into your pension to pay someone else to clean your home, if you can’t afford a cleaner the you can’t afford one and that’s that.

I wear smart clothes to work and I iron maybe once a year, just buy stretchy fabrics and non iron shirts. I don’t care if my house is a tip, I change the beds when they need it which is every couple of months (maybe we’re just not sweaty people, I don’t know but they definitely don’t need changing weekly) get your other half to do the bedtime routine and have a quick hoover/ wipe over of the kitchen while he’s doing it. Just have a big clean when you’ve got people coming to stay.

Pepperwand · 30/03/2019 20:17

I'd also agree that £20-70 a month on clothes is a fair bit and you could cut that to pay for a cleaner every other week. One key to keeping the house semi reasonable looking is decluttering as a PP said. We've done a huge declutter and when there is less stuff around and everything has a place, keeping things in order really doesn't take much.

mindutopia · 30/03/2019 20:18

If you have essentially a stay at home parent at home 2.5 days a week, then he should be able to do the bare minimum. Buy clothes that require less ironing (I do my ironing in 10 minutes every Sunday evening for the week). Accept that the house will be liveable but not spotless for the next few years.

We are about to get a cleaner again but we both work nearly full time (I will be 4 days but on 3 of those days I am commuting/working 6am-7:30pm). We also can afford it (you can get a self employed cleaner for £12 an hour here, so £48 a month, which is manageable).

Hybr1dDay30 · 30/03/2019 20:19

I agree do not cancel your pension contributions. I don't iron, I wear clothes that wash & dry, hang up or buy non wrinkle material. Life is far too short to spend it cleaning, do the basics only !

Hybr1dDay30 · 30/03/2019 20:27

I agree £20-£70 a month on clothes is alot. Suggest stop and buy once a year in sale or charity shop

Cornishclio · 30/03/2019 20:30

I would most definitely not opt out of your pension. You won't save as much as you think as the tax relief reduces the actual cost to you and you will miss out on employers contributions. I think you need to reassess your priorities. Up to £70 a month on clothes seems a lot and doing your nails yourself for a few years would surely be worth it to save towards a cleaner. No wonder your clothes need ironing you probably have them jam packed in a wardrobe which creases them. Wash and hang them on a drying rail and you will not have to do much ironing. Stop ironing your husbands shirts, and do about 20 minutes a day just to keep on top of housework or cut back on other stuff to get a cleaner in for a few hours once a week.

hothotsoup · 30/03/2019 20:31

£20-£70 a MONTH on clothes? I don't think I've spent that on myself since before dd was born and she's nearly 2!

I don't even spend that much on both dcs new clothes AND new shoes a month!

Redken24 · 30/03/2019 20:32

Try tax free childcare to save a bit of cash.

Carolcool · 30/03/2019 20:33

I agree with everyone else. Pay the pension. Screw most of the ironing.

Sigh81 · 30/03/2019 20:33

How old are you, OP? The younger you are, the more time you have to make up for the missed years. But please don't opt our for too long: we all underestimate our longevity and the vast majority of us are facing a pretty crap retirement.

junebirthdaygirl · 30/03/2019 20:37

Use a dryer for the last ten min ofdrying and everything is ready to wear..perfect. The few things you need to iron can be done in 5 mins.
Get fast at housework. Tidy for 10 mins after dinner...flat out. While one puts DC to bed other flies around. Then sit and relax.
I clean my bathroom while doing mouthwash...l min everyday. Floor on Sat. Get used to grabbing that min. While my porridge is in microwave in morning l fly around the kitchen, stick on a wash, empty dishwasher. I can never understand spending ages. My dm trained us to be quick.
AND DO NOT STOP PENSION. Let that be a thought that never enters your head.
And hopefully your dh being self employed has a pension. My dh was self employed and put very little into pension which he is now sorry about. Luckily l have a good one. But we will still have to downsize our home to ensure a comfortable retirement.

Hellywelly10 · 30/03/2019 20:41

Ive got a couple of friends who rave about asda online shopping op.i dont think 20-70 quid on clothes a month is much. Could you and your partner try a no spend on clothes for a couple of months and spend the money on a cleaner in the short term.

BIWI · 30/03/2019 20:43

Hopefully you will have got the message by now! Do. Not. Stop. Paying. Into. Your. Pension!

Lower your standards, do more stuff quickly, get your DP (and your DC) to do more. Stop spending money on clothes every month.

MatthewBramble · 30/03/2019 20:44

A clean house now is no compensation for a decent income in retirement. You're insane even to think about it (OK, I'm a pension consultant and so you'd expect me to say that - but that doesn't make it any less true).

BIWI · 30/03/2019 20:44

Oh, and the other thing? You don't have to be with your LO every minute of the day at the weekend. They do have to learn to entertain themselves.

Original poster

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/03/2019 20:54

Pepperwand I’m in London/ Kent area £65 a day for nursery - (cheapest nursery round here was £45 a day and a ridiculous one I saw was £100 a day) . I received tax vouchers via work.

OP posts:

ConstanzaAndSalieri · 30/03/2019 20:54

Your OH is at home 2.5 days a week with your child. Looking after w child is tough but he can easily be changing sheets etc when you’re there. Let’s face it, if working hours were flipped, you’d be doing it all wouldn’t you?

I absolutely get the house as a pigsty thing, but I honestly think in your retirement you will regret having spent the money on the cleaner.

Original poster

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/03/2019 20:56

while I’m grateful for all the comments:
Rent out a spare room to pay for the ironing /cleaner is not something I would consider, a stranger in my house when I have a minor! I’ve also already stipulated I have a very small house, not workable

OP posts:

m0therofdragons · 30/03/2019 20:57

Just think, dc will be 3 in 16 months and get free childcare hours. Use those savings to pay for a cleaner then but do not opt out of your pension. My pension is 9.3% so a big chunk but worth it!

Original poster

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/03/2019 20:57

You don't have to be with your LO every minute of the day at the weekend. They do have to learn to entertain themselves. completely agree and my LO thankfully is quite good at this, happy with a book and some CBeebies.

OP posts:

Amore22 · 30/03/2019 20:58

I completely get what you are saying, op, and know how it can make you feel when you feel/ know your house is messy. BUT I would not opt out of pension.

Have you tried The Organised Mum Method? It is probably a bit full on as it is 45 mins per day but you could start off with level one jobs which take about 15 mins a day and will help. Your dh might be able to do level two (30 mins) on bathroom or kitchen twice a week and you do something during the weekend, for example?

As for ironing, I got a steamer. Ok, it is another investment but much quicker than a traditional iron for me. Takes about 15 mins to steam enough clothes for three of us for a week.

Good luck with whatever you decide. It is tough and will get better. 🌷

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