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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Smug mums

68 replies

tippingpoint14 · 30/03/2019 07:40

Smug mums. Boy am I sick of ‘em.

My kid’s a shocking sleeper. Smug mum 1 complains her kid “only” slept 11.5hr straight last night so now she’s “exhausted”. Tinkle tinkle. Smug mum 2 “Oh, bless your cotton socks. They are joining your family, so you need to make it clear to them they must sleep all night. My son has slept through since he was six weeks old!” Tinkle tinkle.

My husband is never home and not hands on. I do it all alone. Smug mum 2 “DH is soooo hands on with the little one. He loves to do the night feeds so I can get a sleep in.” Tinkle tinkle. Smug mum 4 “DH is watching DC so I can have another girls’ night!”

We cannot have anymore children. Smug mum 2 “Oh, honey. You don’t have any idea what being a parent is about. Why, you’ve only got one! That’s nothing! Try having two!” Smug mum 1 “I can’t believe how easy it was to fall pregnant again! I’m soooo unprepared. I haven’t even had time to think of names!” Tinkle tinkle.

My child has been in and out of hospital, been scarily sick at times with a life-threatening condition that has no cure. Smug mum 1 after her child got their first case of the sniffles at the age of 2 “Oh my, it’s sooo stressful having to look after a sick baby, isn’t it. I know exactly how you feel when your little one gets sick.” Smug mum 2 “What do you mean you were in hospital for three days? That was a silly thing to do. Kids pick up all kinds of diseases in hospital you know. I just keep mine home when they’re sick and use my maternal instinct to know how to help them. Have you tried essential oils?”

Over. It.

OP posts:

NotLikeThis · 30/03/2019 07:42

People can be utter cunts. About all kinds of things. Just ignore them and remember they're probably exaggerating anyway. Bell ends.

StinkySaurus · 30/03/2019 07:43

Hahahaha! Been there many times with the sleeping one.

Disturbedone · 30/03/2019 07:45

I call them rainbow spaghetti mums. Talking about feeding their kids fucking kale and quinoa and them actually loving it!!!
I throw a slightly burned pizza at mine and growl. They are still alive.

In all seriousness, these mums like to tell everybody how wonderful their lives are because deep down they are drowning and they believe telling other people the magic of their brilliant lives will all of a sudden make it all come true.

I also call these parents 'twelverifes'. If you've been to Tenerife......

nombrecambio · 30/03/2019 07:46

Are you choosing to socialise with these people? If so, then stop.

sighrollseyes · 30/03/2019 07:47

Don't be friends / socialise with them .... simples

WinkysTeatowel · 30/03/2019 07:47

I liked to take the approach that there are a lot of liars when it comes to baby sleep...

In regards to the illnesses. Sadly there are also a lot of twats who say things without thinking (possibly but not always because they are sleep deprived because their little darling is actually waking every 10 minutes).

PositiveVibez · 30/03/2019 07:47

I get why it might be annoying to you cos it sounds like your husband is a waste of space, but their husbands being hands on and being there to look after their dc while the mums have a night out, shouldn't be anything extraordinary.

If you feel like they are rubbing it in on purpose, don't spend any of your time with them and stop giving them headspace.

Why his your husband never home? Why isn't he hands on when he is home?

Maybe if you get him to share the load, you might not feel so resentful.

Oysterbabe · 30/03/2019 07:49

So annoying.
It's not just mums. DH hears it from the perfect dads in his office too and is forever comparing our 2 negatively as a result.

BeanBag7 · 30/03/2019 07:49

I wouldn't bother spending time with these cows any more.

ShrinkWrap · 30/03/2019 07:54

Those mums do sound annoying. But it also sounds like your life is hard and that is causing you to resent them rather than laugh at them. Agree with others that you DH needs to step up

ZenNudist · 30/03/2019 07:58

Avoid. Job done.

FookMeFookYou · 30/03/2019 07:58

Fuck em, smug shits.

Original poster

tippingpoint14 · 30/03/2019 07:59

@Disturbedone I like it. I’ll have to remember rainbow spaghetti mums.

@StinkySaurus Right! Love how everyone knows how to “fix” my child but I don’t.

@nombrecambio I’m socialising with them less and less. Some I can’t avoid. I don’t often let it get to me, but when it does...

@PositiveVibez If I could get my husband to be more hands on I would. If I could tell my kid to sleep through the night, I would. If I could prevent my kid from going into acute organ failure with essential oils, you’d better believe I would. Clearly I can’t change these things. That’s the point. Not the sick, insomniac kid or the husband, but the fact people seem to claim I am somehow deficient because I can’t solve any of these problems, yet they, in all their infinite wisdom and greatness, can.

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery · 30/03/2019 07:59

Who are these twats? Seriously bin them.

CripsSandwiches · 30/03/2019 07:59

Those mums sound thick as shit to be honest.

WarmCoffee · 30/03/2019 08:01

Are these women intentionally saying these things to make you feel bad, in a bitchy voice? Do they know your husband doesn’t help at home? Do they know you can’t have a second child? Or are they just speaking about there experiences, and you overheard? UNLESS they do know your situation and they’re intentionally trying to make you feel bad, this post comes across a bit woman-hatey to me. Other women just living their lives is not a dig at you.

Apart from smug mum 2 with her essential oils, who is batshit and rude and you should fuck off forever.

crispysausagerolls · 30/03/2019 08:02

THIS!!!!!!!! You are not at fault OP!

swimrunfun · 30/03/2019 08:07

It continues and will continue to continue for ever. Some humans are idiots and bloody annoying. You need to inwardly eye roll.

theresafoxunderthedecking · 30/03/2019 08:08

yes of course their child is going to adore quinoa over all other foods [even if it resembles washed frog spawn], people like this are best served with the time and trusted method 'smile and wave' and 'that's nice' [just fuck off with that crap].
meanwhile in the real world op you are just like the rest of us, doing your best for your dc and that's what really matters.

MrsWillGardner · 30/03/2019 08:09

Oh, honey. You don’t have any idea what being a parent is about. Why, you’ve only got one! That’s nothing! Try having two!

Fuck that shit! I have 5 and would never patronise anyone with “only” one! although I might make an exception if I ever came across this friend of yours with her 2

DanglyBangly · 30/03/2019 08:09

I always think of that Bridget Jones scene and the jellyfish woman. They count the stings onscreen as she talks.

theresafoxunderthedecking · 30/03/2019 08:12

back in the bad old days smug #2 would have been burnt at the stake or ducked in the village pond - there's a thought, bring her round for coffee op [runs off to see if village pond is still deep enough]

Spottyowl · 30/03/2019 08:12

If they are saying these things out of spite then just cut them them loose. They don't sound very nice. Do they know that you are unable to have more children? If so the comment about having more than one child is particularly nasty.

At the same time though, some of your examples sound potentially innocuous- could you be letting your own feelings about tough things you have going on cloud your interpretation of what they are saying?

fezzesarecool · 30/03/2019 08:14

You don’t have to socialise with them, just stop.

Or if going on what you say that you have to them say what you’ve said on here

If I could get my husband to be more hands on I would. If I could tell my kid to sleep through the night, I would. If I could prevent my kid from going into acute organ failure with essential oils, you’d better believe I would. Clearly I can’t change these things. That’s the point. Not the sick, insomniac kid or the husband, but the fact people seem to claim I am somehow deficient because I can’t solve any of these problems, yet they, in all their infinite wisdom and greatness, can

Boysey45 · 30/03/2019 08:18

Is there anything you can do about your husband never being home and not being hands on?
That's worse than all the comments these nasty women have been making.

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