Smug mums

[tippingpoint14]

Smug mums. Boy am I sick of ‘em.

My kid’s a shocking sleeper. Smug mum 1 complains her kid “only” slept 11.5hr straight last night so now she’s “exhausted”. Tinkle tinkle. Smug mum 2 “Oh, bless your cotton socks. They are joining your family, so you need to make it clear to them they must sleep all night. My son has slept through since he was six weeks old!” Tinkle tinkle.

My husband is never home and not hands on. I do it all alone. Smug mum 2 “DH is soooo hands on with the little one. He loves to do the night feeds so I can get a sleep in.” Tinkle tinkle. Smug mum 4 “DH is watching DC so I can have another girls’ night!”

We cannot have anymore children. Smug mum 2 “Oh, honey. You don’t have any idea what being a parent is about. Why, you’ve only got one! That’s nothing! Try having two!” Smug mum 1 “I can’t believe how easy it was to fall pregnant again! I’m soooo unprepared. I haven’t even had time to think of names!” Tinkle tinkle.

My child has been in and out of hospital, been scarily sick at times with a life-threatening condition that has no cure. Smug mum 1 after her child got their first case of the sniffles at the age of 2 “Oh my, it’s sooo stressful having to look after a sick baby, isn’t it. I know exactly how you feel when your little one gets sick.” Smug mum 2 “What do you mean you were in hospital for three days? That was a silly thing to do. Kids pick up all kinds of diseases in hospital you know. I just keep mine home when they’re sick and use my maternal instinct to know how to help them. Have you tried essential oils?”

Over. It.

You must tackle the DH issue. You need his support and with a child with illness and extra needs the burden is just too big to carry.

Does he come to your hospital/dr appointments. Get a health professional to talk to him?

The mums- they are in a baby bubble- they very likely mean no harm and are just being dumb. Still it hurts.

Sorry you’re having a crap time.

I suspect many of them are lying. Smug Mum 1 always carries on about how her kid never has screen time and she never looks at her phone around her little one. Only... their ginormous TV is on every single time I am over and her LO’s eyes are always glued to it. And she sends me a LOT of messages. Pretty sure she doesn’t step out for each one of them.

Stop seeing them as of yesterday. You can always avoid anyone, and I would learn to wave and smile and keep bloody walking.

Avoid them like the plague, they are actually the plague and are certainly not a friend to you. Friends do everything they can to cushion your pain and suffering and offer support, they are doing the polar opposite.

I agree with you on all the above, except dh there is def something you can do about him, like shape up or ship out.

@PlantPotParrot No, it doesn’t make me feel better! I don’t actually get pleasure out of others’ misfortunes and totally commiserate on your situation. Sleep deprivation is hell on earth.

Re, my H. I can’t actually do anything about that now. Later, yes. Now no. Thanks for your concern but I don’t want to go into anymore details about him. Just sharing my frustration with the smuggery it seems plenty of other mums in MN have experienced too.

A lot of this sounds like projection on your part OP, I’m sorry things are so tough for you and your DH sounds like an utter waste of space but other mums sharing their experiences and generally chatting (bar essential oils nutcase) is quite normal.
I bet they share the bad too and if not and if they really are “tinkly laughing” which I doubt, then drop them ASAP but I reckon dropping the useless husband and getting counselling would be much more beneficial to you.

Okay. I’ve watched the jellyfish scene. Spot on. I’ll count them from now on for my amusement. I decided last week I would put aside a tenner each time someone made a comment about having an only child (even if they don’t realise it’s not by choice) and buy myself something nice at the end of each month. Negative made positive. Boom.

@Disturb
"I've seen a black cat"
"Well, I've seen a panther!"

It sounds to me like you are the one who has cause to be smug as you are doing a good job of looking after a child who has had significant health needs. Having a child who sleeps through the night is the luck of the draw and I'll put money on you looking after your child's needs more than they are.

Ignore them, they need to STFU.

Thanks @polarpig :)

Invite me out for coffee with you and your “friends”, OP, I’ll really upset them. I am a proper scummy mummy, shoveling chicken nuggets down them with one hand while putting on kids Netflix with the other. My house constantly looks like a bomb has hit it (part of DS2’s SEN seems to involve destroying things) and I’ve not seen the bottom of my laundry basket in weeks. I mop baby puke off myself with tissues and carry on.

Totally agree with Disturdedone about them most probably struggling inside and overcompensating... (although I'm lost with the Tenerife/twelerife comment.. my brains not fully awake yet!)
And I ❤️ Tenerife!

Gosh, they don't sound normal - avoid them and find some better friends! IME the two you describe are thankfully few and far between. Most are lovely, honest.

You need new friends op. We have the opposite here! It's a race to the bottom...

Friend one- been up all night with DT1, am shattered.

Friend two- I haven't slept for a week with this toothache.

Me- I haven't slept for a year (properly) with this bastarding insomnia.

Nobody feels superior

Oh, bless your cotton socks. They are joining your family, so you need to make it clear to them they must sleep all night. My son has slept through since he was six weeks old!

I am always open mouthed at the colossal idiocy of people who make comments like this. How exactly does she think she 'made it clear'. Can she really be so stupid that she thinks her sleeping baby is down to her own brilliance?

As for child who has essential oils and maternal instinct as he medical coverage - god help him if he really gets ill.

I have an 8 year old only child and literally never get these comments
Someone asked me in a doctors waiting room would I like to have more but there was no malice in her question.

Need to change your friends. Half my team at work are also single parents with shite ex partners. No one one upmanahip here just tea and sympathy and legal advice

My children are a bit older now, but it came as a revelation to me that some people actually enjoy this parenting shit
I wasn't smug, but did my best and got by.
I remember being at baby group, and a mum telling us that she woke her baby up, as he'd been sleeping for hours and she was bored.
That genuinely blew my mind. It wouldn't have occurred to me for a minute not to enjoy every sleeping minute.
I'm not very mumsy though