Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you were told you had a week left to live..

26 replies

Pinkbutton85 · 30/03/2019 07:35

I had a horrific dream last night that my children and partner were killed in a fire. I woke up and went in and gave them a cuddle.

But it made me think..

Would you feel like you had lived your life to fullest?

That you had spent enough time with your family? That you had done enough with your children or partner? That you had enjoyed your life, tried all the different foods, seen different places, just lived more?

Obviously financial and circumstantial, but you get the idea.

I told my partner that I wanted to 'live' and not just 'exist' anymore and he looked at me like I was mad!

OP posts:
pumpkinpie01 · 30/03/2019 07:39

Ah what a horrible dream . I haven’t travelled as much as I would like to but I do do a lot with my DC so I would have no regrets there

Pinkarsedfly · 30/03/2019 07:41

I’d get on a plane to Mexico with my DP and two sons and live my last week at the Four Seasons resort at Punta Mita.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/03/2019 07:43

What would you do op?

Or a month or a year?

Why do you think you're just existing?

With a week there isn't really much time to do anything major so I guess I'd just try and get everyone I love together. Write 18 birthday cards to my son and a letter for when he's older. Try and get my sibling and father to make peace.

HarrysOwl · 30/03/2019 07:44

My friend has been battling cancer for a few years and is sadly going downhill rapidly now, she's been told it's a matter of weeks. She's only young (30s).

She's spending time with loved ones, that's all that matters to her now.

Silversky70 · 30/03/2019 07:52

I'm going part time soon. I can't shake the feeling that I'm not spending enough time with my family and that it'll all be over too quickly. We'll struggle a bit financially but I need the work life balance.

Medium term we want to completely change our environment and way of life. Just hunting for a suitable place.

user1474894224 · 30/03/2019 07:53

I'm very content with my life and choices. Obviously there is more I would like to do....of I had limited time I would want to take my kids skiing in Canada, on Safari in Africa and somewhere in Asia, and maybe take them snorkeling in Egypt (they are a little young to dive). We would spend Christmas away with all the family. We would go to the theatre more. I would write lists for them and instructions and I would panic about what they would do when I am not here.

Aah just reread.... I would struggle to do all that in a week. 😂 In a week I would want to prepare my kids as much as possible, answer their questions and reassure them. Try to prepare my partner for his role as a mother and scheduler of family life. We would go for a wonderful buffet brunch at a posh London restaurant and go for burgers and go swimming and walk in the sunshine and then head to OH family home on the coast.

Original poster
Pinkbutton85 · 30/03/2019 07:55

I don't mean what would you do in your last week as such. More the realisation that your time is up and the feeling of 'shit, what have I done with my time?!'

I'm just stuck in a shitty rut of monotonous bullshit Blush

OP posts:
Lovestonap · 30/03/2019 07:59

I think I would feel fulfilled with what I have done with my life, except for not having travelled. But I suspect I am actually just a little Englander, so even with a year to live I'd probably just travel round and revisit my favorite places in the UK. I'd definitely spend a Christmas in the Scottish Highlands for example.
A week to live? It's just gonna be me and my little family playing board games, laughing and eating cake all week. That's where I'm happiest.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/03/2019 08:12

So do you want to do op?

Are you stuck in a rut or work clean sleep work clean sleep. Are you happy in your marriage? Has your career stalled? Are you bored of being a sahm? Lots of money in the bank and no time to spend it, or barely covering the bills each week?

It all makes a difference.

If you're in a rut, what can you change? A new hobby /gym membership? A different type of holiday? Retraining? A new job?

Oysterbabe · 30/03/2019 08:15

I'd be fine with what I've achieved. I haven't led an exciting life but I've generally been happy and will continue in the form of my 2 lovely children after I'm gone.

ladybee28 · 30/03/2019 08:20

OP - I've done a LOT with my life - travelled a lot, had all kinds of crazy and beautiful and fulfilling experiences, and I think I could easily still wonder, if I had a week to live, if I could have done more.

Maybe it's just me getting older and mellowing a little, but I'm starting to get to a place where I'm realising that most of my greatest pleasures aren't in the big events, they're in the tiny moments I've paid full attention to.

For me, at least these days, really 'living' and not just 'existing' has a lot to do with finding pleasure in the mundane. Sitting here with my coffee and paying attention to how it tastes, noticing the sounds of the birds outside my window and seeing if I can pick out how many different calls there are, knowing DP is now sleeping deeply and peacefully after a restless night...

Trekking the Andes was amazing... and actually, so is this quiet cup of coffee I'm drinking alone this morning.

I have Mary Oliver's gorgeous quotation pinned up beside my bed as a daily reminder:

"Instructions for living a life:

Pay Attention
Be astonished
Tell About It."

ChocChocButtons · 30/03/2019 08:21

I would be bloody depressed I am terrified of dying it’s really bad. Like I spend a lot of my day worrying about ppl like my mum and family dying and being left alone etc.

Lungelady · 30/03/2019 08:21

I am in a good place now at 60...I began putting myself first 5 years ago and totally changed my life.
I wish I had been braver years ago...but now I can fill my life with experiences, travel and fun. I am loved by my husband and ( I hope) my adult dcs.

ginghamtablecloths · 30/03/2019 08:24

Do I feel fulfilled, in a 'dreams have come true' type of way? Not really. I've just bumbled along, have been very unlucky on the health front, widowed young. I never had the self-confidence to push myself forward and it's probably too late now.

However, I'm reasonably content with my little world - I'll never set it on fire but I've made the best of things.

On a practical level I'd tidy up/declutter as I feel it would 'clear the decks' as it were.

Fazackerley · 30/03/2019 08:26

I think about this occasionally. I've had a really full life and travelled a lot, have four amazing kids. I think I've always had the feeling that I could die tomorrow in the back of my mind. Sounds weird but it's pushed me on through life.

EvaHarknessRose · 30/03/2019 08:30

DH is good at this. He tries to make living a priority, thinking of things that we will look back and be glad we did as a family. It's either free/within budget or we agree to save for it. Having ideas and goals definitely makes us do more.

ScreamingValenta · 30/03/2019 08:39

Would you feel like you had lived your life to fullest?

Not really - so much of it has been lost to work. I don't mean just the time I'm at work, I mean all the evenings and weekends I've been too tired and/or stressed to do anything purposeful.

But, what can you do? If I was told I had only a short time left to live, I'd leave work immediately; but assuming I live an average lifespan, I simply can't afford to do that.

BlueSkiesLies · 30/03/2019 09:06

One week left to live?

I would try and see as many friends as possible. Then take a heroin overdose on my own terms.

TroysMammy · 30/03/2019 09:10

The first day I would take my sex toys and crotchless knickers to the tip then I would spend the rest of the time with family.

beeyourself · 30/03/2019 09:47

I love working part time, it means I spend time with my children 1-2 weekdays rather than rushing from place to place with them.

I also make sure I schedule in weekends where we have no plans and take the time out to chill out together.

I've done exciting things/travelled before children so, while I'd like to again at some point if possible, I don't feel like I'm missing out.

So while I don't want any of us to die any time soon, I don't have any regrets as such

ooooohbetty · 30/03/2019 10:07

Not go to work. I've worked for 42 years and have another 9 to go until I can afford to retire. I've definitely not spent enough time with my family.

bumblingbovine49 · 30/03/2019 10:42

I am sitting here in my mother's care home, where she has been for 2 years after a fall. She is 93 year old and is dying. My sister and I have been at her bedside for a.week and it is hard to know how.much longer it will be. She had had a long and in many ways a difficult life but she was always full of life.

. She had had a steam of visitors all week and many carers and staff have said how popular she was in the home. She was severely physically disabled and had some mild dementia but she always up for any social event, even if she was unwell . She was very patient with many of the other residents and who had more trying behaviour and would help where she could . She also had a very good sense of humour..

She did not travel much inher life and maybe she might have wanted to but I really don't think she had many serous regrets. She has two daughters who have been with her throughout and grandchildren ( from another child who died young) who have also.been here, one of whom took a week off work to fly from abroad to be here

She was not a perfect woman and had many faults but she was truly loved by those around her. In here time at the home.she has managed to create what she had at home when I was a child, which included house full of visitors all the time ( sometimes to.the point of me even getting irritated with it !!)

I have learnt a lot about how to.live s good life from my mother and despite there being a great deal of sadness around her death bed, there had also been a lot of joy as well. She is lucky, I know, that she is slowly slipping away in a relatively peaceful way.

She hasn't done anything that purposeful or ' meaningful' I suppose but I think she had a good life. She still wasn't ready to die really as she was still laughing and joking just a few days ago and that is sad but her life was a good one and I genuinely believe that she didn't have any big regrets.

EvaHarknessRose · 04/04/2019 19:00

Bumbling, I hope things are ok for you and your family Flowers

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 04/04/2019 19:04

One of our friends is terminal - for them - they can afford it - it is endless holidays.

For those who have to work to keep a house a float, options are limited really, when you have a terminal partner (like I have). I'd jack it all in and go travelling but that would make hospital appts difficult

PocaMiseria · 04/04/2019 19:23

If I knew for sure i had just a week left like previous posters I would get rid of as much useless junk as I could in the first couple of days, then sort out my funeral and finally just chill out with good music, good friends, nice meals and beautiful flowers....