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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell anyone I'm pregnant?

79 replies

BambooB · 29/03/2019 20:21

Just found I am 4 weeks pregnant.

In all honesty I have had 2 early miscarriages and I don't want anyone to know I am pregnant until I've had the scan and all is ok?.

Including my daughter? Which is going to be so hard as she is asking me all the time if I can have a baby brother/sister for her!. She keeps drawing pictures of us and 'the new baby' and putting her hand on my stomach telling me she can't wait to meet 'the baby'.

I 100% have not told her, my partner doesn't even know yet - we've not been great recently and my last miscarriage he took it really hard.

I'm just frightened and want to have an early scan (private) to make sure all is ok before I say anything to anyone,

AIBU to not tell anyone for another 4 weeks? I can book a scan at 8 weeks. I don't want my daughter to be hurt if I lose this baby too, and same with my partner.

OP posts:
Bambamber · 30/03/2019 21:34

I too think you should tell your husband. My husband took my miscarriage very badly and I debated whether or not to tell him or wait until I had a scan. I decided to tell him and felt better for doing so. One of the reasons was that if I had another miscarriage I would absolutely need his support, there is no way I could go through it alone. We are both still very anxious and almost numb to this pregnancy as we are half expecting the worst to happen, but we have each other and it really does help us. Our toddler doesn't know, she's too young to understand anyway, but we don't mention the baby around her.

I did go for a private scan without my husband though, he didn't even know I had booked it. I was just going to show him the picture afterwards. It didn't work out that way as I buggered up my dates and was too early to see much, so I have a rescan booked next week. I ended up telling him about the scan as I was really upset I didn't get a picture of our baby.

Absofrigginlootly · 30/03/2019 21:36

Don’t use a hot water bottle.... you don’t want to over heat the baby. It’s the same reason you should avoid hot baths and saunas during pregnancy

Absofrigginlootly · 30/03/2019 21:42

Taking paracetamol or using a tens machine safe though

Really think you should call 111 though for advice

Re: dates you need to go from the date of the first day your last period. That’s day 1, assuming you have a textbook 28 daycycle.

I don’t mine is 31 days and I ovulate on day 17 so I count myself as “4 weeks pregnant” on day 31 which is when my period would be due.... those tests that indicate weeks aren’t that accurate as they are just based on average BHCG levels, some women have higher/lower numbers than others...that doesn’t really matter as long as they double every 48 hours.

Anyway, call 111 for advice and maybe get an appointment at EPU (early pregnancy unit) - where I used to live you could self refer (ie just rock up at 7am) but others need a GP referral

Original poster
BambooB · 31/03/2019 07:04

Well the pain has eased off, I fell asleep tbh. X

OP posts:
anniehm · 31/03/2019 07:13

Tell your partner but I would wait until the normal scan date - there's nothing they can really tell at 8 except to date it. Even getting a heartbeat is hit or miss depending on position, the Doppler picked up my second but not my first at that stage.

anniehm · 31/03/2019 07:24

Ps very early miscarriage (eg 2-3 days after a positive test, just after when your period was due) is down to the pregnancy not establishing, years ago before accurate early tests people didn't even know they were pregnant, I had 3 like this but once it established all was fine - my dr said she wished people waited a week after their period was due before testing because it would reduce so much heartache. Please try to relax and hope you are feeling better. Once you get past 6 weeks the risk drops dramatically with each extra week.

Weenurse · 31/03/2019 07:34

Good luck 💐

Original poster
BambooB · 01/04/2019 11:20

I havent told DH. For the best.

I started bleeding very heavily this morning and my stomach is agony.

Luckily, if thats the word, I booked this week off work as I'm supposed to be redecorating before DD is off for the easter half term.

Fucking heartbroken.

OP posts:
NCforpoo · 01/04/2019 11:23

Only tell who you want to tell. I'm going through a similar moment right now and DC keeps saying I have a baby in my tummy. We haven't told anyone we wouldnt be happy telling about the MCs to. Don't feel you have to do anything or tell anyone. Just do what makes it easiest for you xxx

NCforpoo · 01/04/2019 11:24

Oh Bamboo my heart goes out to you. Have you called your GP? X

ohfourfoxache · 01/04/2019 11:41

Oh shit, I’m so sorry x

Original poster
BambooB · 01/04/2019 12:55

I've just realised it's April fools day also. That's messed up.

OP posts:
Original poster
BambooB · 01/04/2019 12:58

Not called GP, will call tomorrow.

Actually really upset. I knew it wasn't going to happen, but still so upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
BambooB · 01/04/2019 12:59

I can't keep doing this. X

OP posts:
NCforpoo · 01/04/2019 13:28

Oh Bamboo I'm so so sorry. Look after yourself. Sending you a massive hug. Flowers

Geekster1963 · 01/04/2019 13:34

So sorry to hear this bamboo.

outpinked · 01/04/2019 13:44

I had two missed miscarriages in 2017. I had told a handful of close relatives and friends both times as had DP. It was doubly devastating when we had the scans and found out all had gone wrong to have to inform those people as well. I never told my DC, thankfully...

So when I was pregnant last year with DS, I didn’t tell a soul bar my best friend. Waited until I’d both had the first scan and reached the end of the first trimester before I told anyone including my DC.

I think it’s always sensible to wait until after the first scan even if you haven’t had previous losses.

Original poster
BambooB · 01/04/2019 14:09

Too late @outpinked

Im in agony and bleeding heavily. Good job I didnt tell anyone.

OP posts:
NCforpoo · 01/04/2019 14:23

You shouldn't feel like you can't talk to anyone about this. Tell DH. Tell him whats happening now. You need support in real life as well as here.

Yukka · 01/04/2019 19:28

@bamboo sorry to hear this, do call your gp. Also as this is your third they will send you firctests, you’ll need your dhs support through that so I’d recommend you tell him. He might be upset but his priorities will change when you need support. He might need testing too.

You both have to do this together if you want children in the future xx

HerculesMulligan · 01/04/2019 20:11

I'm so so sorry, Bamboo, I've been there three times and it is such utter misery. Please tell your DH so he can support you.

Also, make sure your GP knows. Three m/c is the usual threshold for referral to a specialist clinic for investigations, and even if you don't want to do that now, you may in the future. I said an outright no to investigations initially, but my brilliant GP talked me into it and within a year I'd had investigations, treatment, and was pregnant again with more success.

Lots of love to you x

00100001 · 01/04/2019 21:03

Sorry this has happened to you.

Imagine if you had to explain this to your daughter.

squirrelnutkins1 · 01/04/2019 21:12

That's so crappy. I'm in the exact same situation today. 6+4 heavy bleeding and stomach pain ☹️ hugs xxx
Gp said today it can be completely normal in early pregnancy but I just don't feel I can believe that!!

BlueSuffragette · 01/04/2019 21:45

So sorry. I had 2 MC. Sending you my best wishes. Flowers

squirrelnutkins1 · 27/05/2019 22:02

@BambooB how are you hun? Xxx

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